jackofallgeeks: (Goofy)
A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag eight people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. What are your reasons for having a LJ?
Communication. By which I mean dialog. It's terribly unsatisfying for me to just push out information; I like to have a little back-and-forth in the Comments.

2. What do you do before bedtime?
Brush my teeth. Usually read.

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
I don't really dream about my wedding; it will be, and whatever it is will be great. I specifically don't want a 'perfect' wedding, where everything follows so great plan line by line -- not just because I know it'll never happen, but because life and everything in it is made more interested by the little imperfections. All THAT being said, I'd like a pretty traditional wedding, performed in a Catholic Church and probably as part of a mass.

4. What is the city of your dreams and why?
Nope, don't really have one. I was born and bred a suburbanite, and I'm rather fond of the environ. I don't really care about most cities one way or the other: if you've seen one, you've seen them all.

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
I imagine I'm an extrovert. I love people, and time without interpersonal action tends to drive me a little crazy. Being with and around people recharges my batteries.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Each, alone, is a curse.

7. Do you trust easily?
Yes. Trust is my default mode.

8. If you could buy yourself any ONE thing what would it be?
A single-family home; I love my townhouse, but I expect to buy-up some day, any ways.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Yeah, something a few days ago get me feeling really dysphoric, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. Such is my life: whatever my current state, I have always been and will always be in that state, and no other. At least, until the next state replaces it.

10. What is your best quality?
I want to say my dedication, but I'm not sure how to rope that off. When I make a commitment -- to my job, my friends, my ideals -- I stick to it.

11. Is being tagged fun?
Tagged as in memes? Yeah, sure; bonus points if you name me individually, because I like the ego boost.

12. How do you see yourself?
Intellectual, empathetic, affectionate, and laid-back.

13. Who are currently the most important people to you?
-laughs- Not sure how to answer that. I'm going to say my family: they've known me the longest and they've always been there for me. I adore my sisters and my brothers are my best of friends.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
She's an amazing woman. Funny and smart and creative. I agree with Daisy: she's made of win.

15. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Married but poor. Things are things, and you can and will make do with whatever you have. But I can't stand to be lonely.

16. How many children do you want to have, if any?
As many as we're granted. I come from a noble history of large families, and the more children I have the happier I'll be.

17. What's better, to give or to receive?
Giving. Recieving, while nice, tends to embarrass me.

18. What is your dream career?
I don't know. Right now, I'm a consultant. A certain part of me wants to stay there, but another part of me really likes the idea of becoming a lawyer some day and wrestling with tech law (as it seems most lawyers, judges, and lawmakers don't understand technology). Another part of me thinks being a teach would be nice -- not teaching anything technical, rather I think I'd like to teach philosophy (but I think I'm hardly qualified for that). Finally, part of me wants to be a writer, but that part of me is content to wait until finances are no longer as-pressing of a need.

19. What would you do if you became pregnant unexpectedly?
By definition, if I became pregnant it would be unexpected. I'd probably be subjected to a lot of tests, end up with a C-section, and sell the movie rights. (Damn it, someone beat me to it!)

20. What were your parents going to name you if you'd been born the opposite sex?
I'm pretty sure I would have been an Elizabeth. My older sister Jenny got her name mostly because my dad was really fond of it. Elizabeth is my mom's mom's name, and it's what my little sister ended up with, so I imagine that if I'd been a girl first that's what I would have gotten.

Now, I tag:
Anybody who wants to do this. (Cop-out, I know, but you'll learn to love me again.)
jackofallgeeks: (Default)
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Because when it comes down to it I can be very Type-A Alpha-Dog, and that sort of intensity rubs people the wrong way.
jackofallgeeks: (Wrath)
Another post about Meghan. The whole thing is sticky. From my end, it looks like we have un-reasovable issues, things I am unwilling to bend on and, frankly, I don't want someone who has to bend on them to meet me. Some say I should drop her and fast. Others say I should give it a chance, every couple has issues. Even aside from all that I don't intend to lose her as a friend, and she seems intent on proving to me that the issues I see aren't as grand as they seem. I remain skeptical.

The point is, the other day she left me a voice message saying, simply, "we need to talk, give me a call back." And when I did call her back, she said that a friend of hers had claimed to see a post by me on MySpace saying that there was a girl who was interested in me, and I wasn't really into her, but I was lonely and she had esteem issues, and I could at least get some attention from it. And that though there were no names, the friend got the impression that Meghan was the girl referred to. And all of this was supposed to have been posted on June 30th. When they went looking for the post again, it was nowhere to be found, but the Internet is nothing if not mutable.

I should hope, in fact expect, that anyone who knows me knows how ridiculous an accusation this is. Firstly, I don't use MySpace much at all; I have one, but I rarely log on, let alone post on my blog. Secondly, the idea that I would knowingly use someone for my own gratification, let alone exploit their insecurities, is so utterly against my nature that I find it difficult to express. As a child, *I* had esteem issues, I was the outcast and I was the one who was picked on. Sometimes the abused becomes the abuser, but in my case I'm just completely turned off by the notion, I will forgive almost anyone weaknesses and faults. I've even gotten angry when friends of mine belittle others, regardless of how true or deserved the belittling is. I don't do that.

Never mind the fact that affection is too sacred to me. I don't want hollow affection, I'm not interested in attention from those who's feelings I don't share -- I'll accept it, I'll allow it, I won't discourage someone just because their feelings aren't returned; there's nothing wrong with affection, and I think it's a crime that we've all been taught to fear expressing ourselves for the threat of rejection. But I won't seek it, and I certainly won't manipulate someone to get it.

And on top of that, who does this third party think they are, seeking me out online to find dirt on me and reveal it to others? It's my understanding that I don't know them, and that they would come looking for me and scurry back to divulge whatever morsels they found angers me. I'm an open man. I'm honest and upfront, I tell things as they are to the best of my ability. If you have an issue with me, you simply need to bring it to my attention and it will be resolved.

The trouble is several-fold.

Somehow, people in circles Meghan's connected with (almost none of whom know me) have gotten into their heads that Meghan and I are dating (or, if they aren't aware that Meghan's broken up with her old boyfriend, that we're cheating). We're not. Frankly, I'm not sure we ever will be, but that's neither here nor there. I'm effing 3000 miles away. What's dating supposed to mean when there's an entire continent between you?

Besides that, theres is another Andrew Portner here on the Internet -- he's the one you're most likely to find if you Google me. Try it. He's something of a stand-up comic, he's done things called "The Adam and Andrew Show" and "Smile and Nod." There's even a vid on YouTube with a skit he did where he mentions me -- the guy with his name. I don't find him particularly funny (even aside from poking fun at me :p) and he can be kind of crass. He's also a Computer Scientist and in California, in fact only a couple hours south of where I am now. Needless to say, his existence (and prevalence) complicates the task of find information on me, especially if you don't know me and are only scouring the Internet. In fact, his AIM is "AndrewPortner," whereas mine never has been and probably never will be any form of my name.

And, of course, none of this really bothers me -- what do I care about how people who don't know me think of me? Meghan is far more concerned with her appearance and reputation, even when people who don't know her make ridiculous, unfounded claims about things they can't know. And she comes to me, expecting that I should know, or at least care, about this. And I really don't.

Maybe my one set of friends are right, maybe there's potential with Meghan and I, maybe we can do each other some good -- my friends at least say that I can bring her into reality and show her value where she wouldn't have even looked before -- but right now? I doubt it. Every time she and I talk about it, I'm more and more convinced of the issues, and less and less interested in trying to resolve them. Maybe it's bad timing, I don't function well over impersonal media ,but...

I 'click' better with lots of other people. Meghan has the whole "Catholic" and "family oriented" over them, but I'm no more willing to compromise someone who can understand my world and my philosophy. It's not nearly as difficult explaining myself to any of you as it is trying to explain the same things to her.
jackofallgeeks: (Contemplative)
So, this is kind of a meme, and I've kind of seen it go around before, but ostensibly I'm at the head of this one.

My friend Leslie makes lots of MIX CDs. Her friend (George?) made her a "here's a CD about me" CD a while back, and Leslie just made him one in kind. And she got to thinking, and posed the following to her friends' list: What 16-or-so tracks would be on your mix for yourself?

I've actually done this before. I can't remember who got it, exactly, but somewhere one of my friends has a CD titled "A Little Bit About Me" or something, which is basically talking about who I am, essentially.

Right now? I think I'd sound something like this. )
jackofallgeeks: (Contemplative)
Click to view my Personality Profile page

This probably doesn't surprise anyone, though I actually would have expected my spacial intelligence to be up higher... Ah well.

I've been looking around the site and reading more on ESTP vs. ESTJ and I think I've concluded that I am fairly soundly a P. There are still aspects of my personality that call to the J (and, actually, to the T, as well). The deciding factor mostly boils down to: "Rules and laws are seen as guidelines for behavior, rather than mandates. However, the ESTP tends to have their own strong belief in what's right and what's wrong, and will doggedly stick to their principles. The Rules of the Establishment may hold little value to the ESTP, but their own integrity mandates that they will not under any circumstances do something which they feel to be wrong."

In fact, if you want to know who (I think) I am, read This. They have me pegged pretty soundly.
jackofallgeeks: (Contemplative)
Click to view my Personality Profile page

So, the interesting thing here is that a few years ago, when I was still in Junior or Senior year of college -- maybe as early as Sophomore year, I can't recall -- my family had the opportunity to "do the real thing." My dad's work was having a psyche guy come in to evaluate them all for some kind of work-place efficiency, "how can we all work together" thing, and families were invited by said psyche guy to participate. We all filled out paper surveys and turned them in, and then Mr. Psyche-guy gave us personal results and said a few things about how our family probably operates. In particular, my family is a whole bunch of P's. P's tend to want to leave their options open and are more likely to say what they *don't* want as opposed to what they *do* want, like when deciding on where to go out to for dinner. It has been established that I am more likely than not a P out of necessity rather than true preference -- I'd rather things were more ordered and decisive, but I'd rather have no plan at all than risk changing plans at the last minute (as is likely the case with all these P's).

My report came up just like this, with middling-to-strong preferences. I haven't read what this site says about ESTP, but the report I got then said that we were very much centered in there here-and-now, what's actually in front of us, concerned with hard facts and action. At the time I was hesitant to accept the result; it didn't really sound that much like me, to me. Except that (contrary to my occasional bashfulness), I am more extroverted than introverted, and I am more in tune with my senses than my intuition, and I do function more on reasoning than on emotions. Over the years I've had many opportunities to observe that I am more focused on the concrete Now than I am on the Future, and though I enjoy thinking about theories and possibilities even then it all comes back to how it relates to the way things ARE. And I am definitely more interested in action than in-action; nothing frustrates me quicker than being denied the ability to act.

The only thing I think I might still complain about is that P. I think that as far as preferences go I am naturally an ESTJ, and the P is just a result of 20+ years of frustrated preferences. When we're going out to dinner, Gene says he doesn't want Italian, Josh says he doesn't want Mexican, and I say we should go get steak.
jackofallgeeks: (Tears)
So. Kira's been quiet for the last couple of months. I emailed her in March, and again in April, and one last time just a day or so ago. Today I got a response from her, but hardly the sort I was hoping to get (though, in part, exactly what I was expecting). She apologized and said that she hadn't been ignoring me on purpose, just that she was busy with life and work and hardly had time to keep up with her local friends, let alone "someone I haven't met." She said she didn't see "us" going anywhere, just wasn't feeling a connection, and didn't want to lead me on. So ends another relationship.

I can't say I'm not disappointed. I'm very disappointed. Partly because, yeah, she was a nice girl and, I don't know, I liked the potential I saw there, and I feel like (once again) I'm not really being given a fair trial, but... It's just that it's always like this, more or less. In the last few years I've met several girls who were really nice and things seemed to be going well, and then... not. And I'm just tired. I'm frustrated and discouraged and disappointed and... tired.

Being single's nice. For what it's worth I've been enjoying myself. But it's not what I want. And yeah, maybe part of my problem is that I just want to hard, but that doesn't change the fact that when I sit and think of what I want to do with my life, "raise a family" is at the top of the list. It always has been. I can't not want it.

I just wish it didn't always feel like I was being left behind.
jackofallgeeks: (Default)
Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids?
'Have you ever kissed someone?'
'Missed someone?'
'Told someone you loved them?'
'Drank alcohol?'
Here are 50 questions for the people who are a little more "mature"...

An Adult's Survey )
jackofallgeeks: (Euphoria)
OK, so before I go on about how sad I'm feeling, I wanted to acknowledge that I do have it good and I'm aware of that. I have a bit of debt but I'm hardly in a rough spot, I'm getting paid to get a higher education, I have friends and family who accept me for who I am, and I live in Monterey California (which is worth something, at least).

That having been said, I am feeling sad and I can't get myself around that. I miss my friends and family, most of whom are hours if not timezones away, and even Laurel is too preoccupied with school and Brian these days to be there whenever I need her. (Never mind that on at least a couple occasions in just the last week I haven't been there when she needed me, so I really have no place to complain.) I miss my siblings and my cousins; I haven't seen the Mock girls in far too long, and I've only talked with Rachel here and there in the last few months. My brothers seem to never be online and even when they are I don't get IMs or emails from them. (Though Gene is good about txt'ing me.)

From the I-WISH-I-had-those-kind-of-problems department, I'm currently torn right now on getting a new laptop or not. Nick kindly pointed out a website where I can get a suitably-cheap, baseline laptop. And I can either get it now or wait another month or two. Waiting a month or two has the disadvantage of, you know, waiting, but if I get it now I'd have to put it on credit because I don't have *quite* that much spare change laying around. And while my Discover card can handle it without much trouble, it's the only one that can and it's the highest interest rate that I have. And I've been trying so hard lately to get my debt down -- I firmly believe I will always have debt, be it credit or loan or mortgage, but it'd be nice to at least feel on-top of it. Part of me wants to meh, I'm going to graduate in September and double my pay, a few hundred dollars in the meantime isn't going to kill me. But another part of me would be disappointed in myself if I did.

On the girlfront... I haven't heard from Kira since early March. I emailed her about two weeks ago, just saying Hi and what not. I refuse to conclude anything from her silence, but I can't help but be disappointed. I just... It doesn't help that I've been thinking about my place in the world, and how unlikely it is to find someone who... "will accept me" isn't right, I have plenty of friends who will accept me, but I feel like I'm just always two steps out of place wherever I go. I'm not a religious fanatic, and I don't want to be and I'm not looking for one, but it feels like I'm not Catholic enough to satisfy the Catholic girls, and too Catholic for the non-Catholic girls. I'm just always the wrong guy.

And I have just slightly more than zero enthusiasm for my thesis. My only motivation for doing it at all is because it's a graduation requirement, and that's almost not enough. I can't seem to make myself get into my research. I have 5 months to write this paper and I can't get the energy up to do it.

I want to go home.

Anyways. Just feeling a little dissatisfied.
jackofallgeeks: (Tears)
So this evening my friend Laurel got in a little fight with her boyfriend. She was irritated, so we chatted about it, and she said that she was upset and I guess was making a point of ignoring him, and he wasn't making a big deal of it. And she said that she didn't know if his not making a big deal of it was helping or making things worse; part of her wanted him to try making up for being dumb, and was irritated that he wasn't putting forth effort.

It reminded me at the time of Anastasiya, and how at one point (and maybe even up through present day) when she would get angry or upset, she'd run away, but part of her always wished and hoped that someone would chase after her. Because, I guess, if someone chased her when she ran, then she could trust that they wanted to be there, with her.

It didn't strike me until now that I'm like that, too. I don't run, but I hide. And I want very badly for someone to come and find me. I've realized that I spend a lot of my time at home sitting in my room, sometimes actively avoiding my house mates -- not because I don't like them, but because I'm really afraid of being rejected by them. I hide because I like them, and because I recognize that I'm of a different sort. I'm always of a different sort, wherever I go, and I don't like rejection. So, I hide; they can't reject me if they never see me.

And yet I sit here, trying to hide conspicuously, hoping that someone will find me and say, "Hey, there you are. Come hang out with us; we like you and want you around." I feel so twelve again, so scared and vulnerable. And in the end this is why people I used to know intimidate me, because they can reject me, and I've no defense to that. I think, reflecting on that, it's why I'm so open on this journal, because it's the same sort of thing: hiding in plain sight.

The thing is, I know it's ridiculous to run hoping someone chases you, to hide wishing to be found. It's what I told Anastasiya before. You can't expect people to play a game you haven't told them the rules to; you can't expect them to know that you want the opposite result from what your actions are aimed at.

I don't want to be alone, but I fear the rejection that seeking company threatens.
jackofallgeeks: (Bashful)
My personality. )

Pretty accurate, though I'm not sure I'm the persuader they make me out to be.
I'd link you guys, but it requires membership to a dating site to take it.
jackofallgeeks: (Setsuna)
Tonight was definitely one of the best nights of my life. It was just great.

Friday nights are Draft nights at the Game Habitat (the game shop I'm always referring to). We usually get a mid- to large-sized draw of players, and it's a nice time, usually whittling down to The Usuals by the end of the night. Saturdays are Constructed tournaments, which usually draws significantly fewer players -- almost always just The Usuals, and the games run a bit timelier because we're all playing decks we've personally tuned to the event. I like these a little bit better, partly because I feel more comfortable with my weapon of choice, and partly because there's less riffraff (and, as noted, I'm kind of an elitist). It's just the regular guys; we all know each other and we all kick around for a few hours with our shared hobby.

Tonight after the tournament (Haven beat Rob in the finals; I was running an experimental B/W deck dubbed "Save the Pandas" by it's original creator), a group of us went around the corner to Denny's. We ate some food, drank some coffee, chatted a lot about MtG, The Game Habitat, Judging, problem players, everything. We also played a cool little card game called Gloom, which I very much want to get now; it's loads of fun. Haven, Brent, Chris and I played a couple rounds of it.

After all that I drove Haven, Brent, and Chris to their respective homes. We got to hear about when Brent got beat up by a swan, and the strange wordplay games Haven and his siblings (Lyric, Cheer, and Eden; their parents were hippies) play. Then Brent asked what the band was that I was playing -- ThouShaltNot, which I admitted was Goth music. And apparently both Brent and Haven like Goth music (in retrospect, I think the large-gage earrings Brent has should have tipped me off), and Brent asked if I'd heard of VNV Nation -- if you're keeping score at home, VNV Nation is one of my three favorite bands! So he asked if I know Apoptygma Berzerk and was surprised when I said I did -- no one knows Apoptygma Berzerk, and he thought he was showing off.

So we got into this whole thing about my 'other life' as a Goth, and I told them how Leslie says "deep down inside I have black little heart that bleeds mascara." We got into talking about Goth clubs, anime conventions, leather pants, and randomly making out with Mint.

At one point Haven said, "It makes sense now: it only sounds like giggling, it's really the laughter of the damned!" We all laughed a lot. I laughed myself to tears -- which was bad, as I was driving at the time. My sides *still* hurt, I laughed so much.

So the three of us have decided we seriously need to hang out more, outside of weekly MtG events and stuff. They both already have my email (JackOfAllGeeks) and apparently they both envy me for it -- "We didn't I think of that," Brent said.

A very awesome night.
jackofallgeeks: (Gendo)
Sometimes I don't really like me.

I'm very confident in myself. I believe myself to be friendly, intelligent, responsible, moderately-handome, passably-clever, and an all-around nice guy. But I can also be an elitist; believing myself to be on a level above the 'common man,' I can make snap judgments about people based on where I percieve them to lie -- usually intellectually or socially. I don't like to associate myself with people I can't respect or admire in some way, and every now and again I find myself feeling rather... disdainful of those I feel are below my level.

It's a horrible thing to say, and an even worse thing to feel.

There's a girl here in my program who has come off as my inferior intellectually and socially; she can't grasp concepts and she's awkward in many social situations -- and in neither case does she seem particularly aware of her deficiency, a high crime in my book of elitism. I'm alright with people as they are so long as they recognize it in themselves.

So there's this girl, and she's in a course with me this quarter, and we're supposed to form two- or three-person groups for the labs. And instead of offering to help her out and guide her through some of the tougher concepts, I've found myself actively avoiding her and looking for anyone else to group with, perferably someone I feel can pull their own weight.

I'm in a group with her now, with one other guy who's only auditting the class. But I can't shake this feeling of superiority and disdain, and it makes me feel like such a heel.
jackofallgeeks: (Dance)
So, I complain a lot. And I worry a lot. It's part of my nature, not that I'm a negative person, but that I work through things best when I can talk through them -- verbally or digitally. So here I'm going to list a few reasons why I have it good:

  • I live in Monterey California. We've got to have the best weather in the entire country here! It doesn't often go below, say, 40 or above 70, we get a nice little rainy season in the winter, we have gorgeous blue skies and we're right next to the Pacific ocean. Really, it's a beautiful place.

  • I'm getting paid to earn my Master's Degree. I'm making about as much as I would expect to make in any standard entry-level IT job, and instead of working I'm getting an education that will easily double my earning potential. Never mind that I'm studying a subject I find both stimulating and challenging, or that for the first time ever I'm excited about my career prospects.

  • My lifestyle is such that I can hang out with friends, buy myself treats, and get my friends gifts without breaking the bank. I can generally enjoy myself without worrying about not being able to pay my bills. A bad month for me financially is one when I have to pay out of savings a little bit because I bought myself a few too many treats, and it hasn't ever meant more than just a week or two of tighter living.

  • I make friends easily, and have friends scattered throughout the country. I'm never particularly far from a friendly face.

  • I have an incredible family. Intelligent, caring, close-knit. I'm on good terms with my parents, and my siblings, my cousins. I consider a significant number of my relatives as true friends.

  • I've been told that people around here -- students and professors -- think I'm a natural match for my first pick of post-graduation employment, a lab out in Maryland.
  • jackofallgeeks: (Seriously Though)

    The Everything Test

    There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

    Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

    You are more logical than emotional, more concerned about others than concerned about self, more religious than atheist, more loner than dependent, more lazy than workaholic, more traditional than rebel, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more cynical than idealist, more leader than follower, and more extroverted than introverted.

    As for specific personality traits, you are intellectual (80%), religious (80%), romantic (71%).

    Punk Rock53%
    Old Geezer50%
    Life Experience

    Your political views would best be described as Libertarian, whom you agree with around 100% of the time.
    Your attitude toward life best associates you with Middle Class. You make more than 0% of those who have taken this test, and 24% less than the U.S. average.

    If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG.
    By the way, your hottness rank is 55%, hotter than 79% of other test takers.

    brought to you by thatsurveysite

    jackofallgeeks: (Default)
    1. You say you lack the faith you wish you had. What is it you see missing?
    Well, faith in general. Usually I mean faith in God. I believe in God, and that he's up there and has our best interests in mind and all that. But... It comes down to I don't trust that things will work out. If I'm not making it happen, it isn't going to happen. I don't trust that God takes an active hand in our lives. That sort of thing.

    More generally, though, it expands to how, really, I can't depend on anyone but me. Not because other people are untrustworthy, or don't have good intentions, but because they often can't or won't act in my favor. If I want a thing, I'm the only one I can depend on to act toward that end. If I don't do it, it won't get done.

    2. As wonderful as marriage is, not everyone gets married between the ages of 20 and 22. Why is it you feel like you're running out of time?
    Not everyone gets married at all, either, but I don't find that very comforting. It's not so much that I feel I'm running out of time as a combination of two simple facts. First and foremost, I very much live in the present. If it's not happening now, it's not happening. Very much like an infant -- when an infant is hungry, he's always been hungry and always will be hungry. I can be short-sighted like that. Additionally, there's really nothing else I really want out of life. It's not so much that I'm 'off schedule' as it's just I'm not doing what I want to be doing. It could be argued that what I'm doing is setting up the necessary ground work for what I want to do, but that just means it's taking quite a bit more set-up than I expected, which isn't any less frustrating. Never mind the fact that I'm still single...

    3. If money were no object, how would you choose to spend your life?
    If money were no object, I would live with my wife and children in a large house at a reasonable distance from some town or another such that we could enjoy the fresh air and see stars at night yet still take advantage of such modern amusements as the movie theatre, Quiznos, and Domino's Pizza. I would alternately spend my time reading and writing, and each of those would be alternately about fantasy or fact as the mood struck me. I would continue learning about all sorts of things from number theory to philosophy to history -- yes, I say it again, history. And... I think that would be a pretty nice way to spend my life.

    4. Technology is a wonderful thing. However, it seems to be viewed these days as a modern necessity, rather than a modern convenience. Particularly the automobile. How do you think the world would be different had the automobile never been devised?
    I think, for one, our populations would not nearly be as centralized, not as interdependent -- the first being a good thing, generally, and the second a bad one. We'd also be physically healthier, in a sense, at least because we would have to walk (or ride some sort of HPV) everywhere, though we'd also all probably be farms of one stripe or another as well. Frankly, I'm not sure the automobile could have *not* been invented; it was really only a matter of time.

    5. If you were made chief arbiter and autocrat of Magic: the Gathering R&D, how would you change M:tG?
    First and foremost, out with Wrath of God and in with Damnation. By all rights White should be 3rd in creature kill, and Wrath keeps it up there competing with Black and Red where it ought not be. For the sake of brevity I won't address here arguments about what this might do to the role of White in the game, but suffice it to say I think it would be good over-all. I would consider making a lot of planar Chaos standard fair, like the White taxing counters and the aggressive Blue shape shifting, but not all of it -- like Red bounce or Green's mass card draw. I might press to have the frames changed again to match the new Planar Chaos timeshifts, but only because I think they're far more aesthetically pleasing. I'd work to firm up the what's, why's, and how's of what the colors do, but that may now just be a lack of understanding on my part, due to NOT being behind the scenes. They may very well know what the colors are doing and why and how; recent sets have shown they do, and I trust MaRo on that.

    (Meme: Request to be interviewed in a comment, and I'll ask you 5 questions, which you then answer in a post on your journal, opening yourself up to give interviews as well.)
    jackofallgeeks: (Snakeskin)
    1. How and why did you get into the gothicky side of life? (and are you ever going to wear those pants????)
    Wow. Uhm, I really don't know. It's just seemed pretty natural to me, I guess, identifying myself with that subculture. There wasn't ever a moment where it was like, "OK, I'm a Goth now!" I think the first time I ever went out to a Goth club of any sort was when you and Jenny took me to Nation to see Cruxshadows (or whenever it was we first went to Nation), but I was already at least knee-deep into things by then.

    As for the why? Like I said, it seems only natural to identify with that subculture. I think of the modern Gothic subculture as an extension of the Gothic era of literature, itself a movement of the Romantic era. The Romantics were reacting against The Enlightenment, which reduced everything to logic and reason. Romantic literature focussed on intense emotions like love, hatred, terror, and sadness, with Gothic literature favoring horror heavily. Modern Gothic culture resonated with my own emotions and, I was intrigued to find, has an undercurrent of hope and redemption that I really appreciate. In both modern Gothic culture and Romantic era thinking there is a strain of bucking social norms and doing what you know to be right despite what others might tell you. I appreciate the thread of inner- and outer-conflict, and the dichotomy of the whole thing.

    And let's be honest: the cyberpunk, gothpunk, anachropunk, and all the rest of the theming that goes on in Goth culture is just really cool to look at.

    As to the parenthetical: which pants? The baggy ones that you made me buy that I wore when you, me, Jenny, Gene, and Josh went out? Or the pleather ones that Leslie got me years and years ago that I went to Con in?

    2. If you could have anything as your primary mode of transportation what would it be? why?
    There's a part of me that really wants to answer 'motorcycle' to this question; there's something so Romantic about racing down a highway in the pouring rain on a gun-metal motorcycle. There's also a lot of risk and impracticality to having a motorcycle, though, which are the main reasons I'll probably never have one. You can't (easily) go on a trans-state trip on a motorcycle (I can't pack light enough to make that very feasible) and even if you could, you can get really hurt really easily on one of those if you aren't careful.

    So I'll stick with my sleek four-door dark blue Volkswagen. With a good engine, nice trunk space, decent stereo, and a heater to make up for driving with the windows down, there's really not a lot more I could ask for.

    3. What of your traits do you hope to pass on to your kids, which ones do you hope not to?
    I want my kids to be honest, loyal, intelligent, self-confident. I want them to have the right priorities in life (generally, people > career > money). I want them to have a strong system of belief to fall back on, religious, moral, and philosophical. I want them to be sensitive to other people's needs and emotional states. I want them to be able to do what they know is right despite what others might think of them, even when it seems the world is against them.

    I don't want to pass on my lack of faith, my fear of emotional pain, my cynicism. I'm afraid, though, that most of that comes from life experiences I won't always be able to protect them from.

    4. If you could gain any talent, which would it be? (like drawing, singing, dancing... etc)
    Probably singing. I love music, and as it is I really enjoy singing; I imagine that if I was any good at it, I might be less self-conscious about it. Failing that, I'd like to draw. It'd be yet another way of expressing my inner-life, and I'm always looking for more outlets.

    5. I know you don't like being single, but being single does have a few advantages, what would you like to do while you aren't "tied down"?
    Actually, I'm not sure I even look at it that way. I mean, yeah, there are advantages to being single, and it's nice being (generally) accountable for no one but yourself. At the same time, a wife, even children, aren't the things I envision "tying me down." The sort of things I want to do -- learning skills and studying different subjects and seeing the world -- are the sort of things that are indifferent to or even made better by having someone else to share it with. Yeah, seeing Europe would be nice, but traveling alone would almost be depressing. What I expect to tie me down are a mortgage and a solid job and bills, and I expect to have most of those in a rather short time, wife or no.

    (Meme: Request to be interviewed in a comment, and I'll ask you 5 questions, which you then answer in a post on your journal, opening yourself up to give interviews as well.)


    Mar. 2nd, 2007 03:29 pm
    jackofallgeeks: (Default)
    You scored as Neo, the "One". Neo is the computer hacker-turned-Messiah of the Matrix. He leads a small group of human rebels against the technology that controls them. Neo doubts his ability to lead but doesn't want to disappoint his friends. His goal is for a world where all men know the Truth and are free from the bonds of the Matrix.

    Neo, the "One"


    Batman, the Dark Knight


    Captain Jack Sparrow


    The Terminator


    The Amazing Spider-Man


    William Wallace




    Indiana Jones


    Lara Croft


    James Bond, Agent 007


    El Zorro


    Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
    created with QuizFarm.com
    jackofallgeeks: (Seriously Though)
    Same as the other two. Whee.

    1. What time do you usually get up in the morning? What time do you like to get up in the morning?
    Answer )

    2. What tickles you most about life right now?
    Answer )

    3. We all have comfort foods, but do you have any other emotional security blankets? Books, movies, songs, places, objects that you pull out from time to time when you're feeling low?
    Answer )

    4. Do you put any stock into metaphysics and/or the paranormal? Why or why not?
    Answer )

    5. Do you have any more or less useless talents?
    Answer )


    jackofallgeeks: (Default)
    John Noble

    August 2012

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