jackofallgeeks: (chixor)
So, as Dawn noted, it's been over a week now since I mentioned meeting and kinda falling for a girl named Ashley, and inquiring minds want to know. What it is, exactly, that they want to know I haven't the foggiest idea, but I've been meaning to say more on the topic anyways. So, here goes.

I guess the first thing I should set down is that her name, not-contrary to popular belief, is Kira. I say not-contrary because her name is Ashley, too. Without going into all the details, Kira is her middle name, but she's hopped back and forth between being Ashley and being Kira; in fact, on the site she named herself as Ashley Kira. i asked her, though, what she uses when she thinks of herself -- much as how I'll answer to many names, but when I think of me I think 'Andrew.' She said she thinks of herself as Kira, and so she shall be.

Cut so that I can leave this half-finished and no one will know. )
jackofallgeeks: (chix0r2)
So, without gushing too much, I'm happy.
Maybe a little prematurely, but...

This morning, one of the sites I'm on matched me with a girl, Ashley. We over the course of the day, despite the fact that she apparently wasn't home most of the day and it's taken me a week or more in other cases, we got through the whole 'guided communication' bit to open communication.

And, well, put simply, the connection I feel with her is so oh-my-wow in a way that I haven't felt in a very long time that I can't help be almost giddy. Like, really; contrary to popular belief I don't just sit at home giggling to myself, but I think I just might tonight.

She's a pretty girl, from the single small photo I can see, and she's nice and she's Catholic and she wants kids and she wants to be a mom and these aren't things that I think are necessary for everyone but they're right for me, and she's from a largish family and wants a largish family and as you can tell I'm rambling.

And I'm just happy.
If nothing else, having met her is really encouraging.
Though I do hope there's something else.

jackofallgeeks: (Saddened)
For those of you keeping score at home, I still have a crush on Jean. You know, the blond girl I've 'known' in one sense or another since 6th grade. I don't think I've ever really known her, which makes me sad. I don't think she's ever been 'right' for me.

But then, since when have I had crushes on girls who were right for me?
jackofallgeeks: (chixor)
I haven't been able to get her out of my mind since Tuesday.
It feels like so much longer than that.
She hasn't contacted me since, and if you know me, you know that silence makes me anxious.
So I'm anxious.
And I'm impatient.
And I'm a fool.
And even if I'm not a fool, she's still 3000 miles away, and I hardly know her.

Persistence is a good thing, I've been told.
But I can't get over the hurt that persistence caused me recently.
I'm afraid to 'keep at it' because I'm afraid of being hurt again.

I haven't wanted to go to bed all week.
I think that's mostly because of school.
At least, I don't think it has much to do with this, because I didn't want to sleep last week, either.
I should go to bed.
jackofallgeeks: (Saddened)
I've a lot on my mind tonight.

Classes are going. I have one project that I can't figure out -- it's written in Scheme, a language I don't really know yet, and while I know how it SHOULD be working , I don't know why it's giving me these errors, nor do I know how to fix them. And the professor isn't getting back to me.

Other little school-type things, like worrying about whether I'm taking the courses I should be, if i'm missing things I should have or if I'm not planning correctly for what I'll need to take. Those don't bother me too much. Some social concerns -- mostly that I seem more often than not holed up in my apartment, and I'm afraid I'm missing significan social events with the other students. I'm not intentionally skipping out on things I know are going on, but i'm afraid there are things I don't know about, and the lack of interpersonal interaction just gets to me sometimes. That doesn't bother me too much, either.

The Internet's been mostly quiet these past few days -- no emails, no comments, no LJ posts (and most of you kmow I'm exagerating when i say 'no'). That bugs me a little bit too, but life happens.

What bugs me a more is that Tessa, the girl I met who I was kind of fond of, just sent me a message to the tune of: "You're a swell guy and I wish you well, but i've met someone else and we've really hit it off, so this will probably be the last you hear of me." and that's a little bit disappointing, both in the particulars and the generalities it reflects. "You're a great guy, for someone else," is my life story.

And coupled with that is Things with Meghan. And I hesitate to voice too many particulars, because she can read this if she so chooses, but... She's a nice girl, and I count her as a friend, and as she said (though I may have coined the phrase), she lets me "Check off all the boxes," but... I still have reservations. Something's holding me back. And it's rather stupid, really, because every now and them (like when she said such Kind Words to me, Dawn) I think to myself, "I'd like for her to be the one." But there are all these things arguing in my head, and I don't know which ones are valid points and which aren't, and which could develop into problems and which couldn't, and I don't know if I'm even aware of all the things holding me back. But...

Anyways, it's been a long day. It's been a long week. I think i'm going to make up some tea, maybe read a book or play a game, and then crawl in bed. I don't want to get up for classes in the morning.
jackofallgeeks: (Happy)
OK, wow.

To begin at the very beginning (a very good place to start), I got out on my Bike finally today. It was awesome. I don't think I've ridden a bike in years, nearly a full decade, but you know what they say about learning to ride a bike: it hurts when you fall off. On the way home, though, her handlebars were slipping out of position a whole lot, which made it very difficult (and mildly dangerous) trying to get home. I've since tightened her bolts.

Talking to Mel earlier today, I mentioned taking my bike out for her 'maiden voyage,' which got me thinking: Maiden -> Maid -> Maid Marion -> Marion -> Mary -> Miriam. And Miriam has a cloudy origin, and could stem from "sea of bitterness," "rebelliousness," "wished for child," "beloved," or "love." And as each of those seems to be appropriate to the girl, I think that shall be her name: Miriam.

As noted before, I IM'd Emily today, and she didn't really say much, though she did say something (which is more than I recal getting in months, if not years). -shrugs- Whatever. I have friends who like me, I'm not going to worry too much about those who don't.

Tonight was Poker Night at Dan and Jeremy's, just across the way here at my apartment complex. Ten-dollar buy in for a 16-person tournament, first gets $100, second $30, third $20, and fourth $10 (which breaks even). I played reasonably well, making it to 9th place, and only lost because his pocket-Kings beat my pocket-Queens. Awesome game.

But even more awesome was meeting Carrie, the girl I'm buying some odds and ends for the apartment from. She was beautiful. Short dark-brown/black hair, glasses, sharp features, pretty eyes. She'd double-majored in undergrad for Computer Science and Women's Studies, then got a Master's in Women's Study's before coming here to get a Master's in Computer Science, and we talked about that for a while (her thesis had been something about what factors in to the fact that few girls take CompSci these days; women have had a big part in Computer History, and back with the ENIAC and such, the girls who ran the switches and wired were called 'computers'). Granted, she's 26 and seeing someone, but she was very pretty, and there are few things I can appreciate as much as beauty (a sharp and intelligent mind is one of them).

And now I'm back in my room, $10 poorer, and well overdue for sleep. Good night, all.

A picture of Miriam )
jackofallgeeks: (Contemplative)
I must start by saying that this is a beautiful song. I think once my brother, Gene, said he didn't like it. I think it's amazing. Simply amazing.
I Do This Alot, Huh? )


jackofallgeeks: (Default)
John Noble

August 2012

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