do_While(True)

In response to requesting guidance on how I should present my next Chapter:

Andrew,

( Why haven't you done thing things I didn't tell you to do? )

[My Adviser]

I Reply:

( Because you didn't tell me to do them. )

I'll get back to you once I've gotten work accomplished on the items you've listed.

-Andrew

In Return:

Andrew,

Thanks for the response.
( Here's a bit of useful advice, but you should be thanking me. )

[My Adviser]

To her I send:

[Ma'am],

( I'll be a good student and back down. There's no point in fighting this. )

Thank you for your prompt response.
-Andrew

But to myself I think:

( I don't back down without difficulty. And you're a bitch. )

Codemonkey not say it out loud; Codemonkey not crazy, just proud.

I think I got it.
I think I got it, I think I got it, I think I got it.

OK, so, I've been pretty sure I had it for a while, now. And, strictly speaking, I don't *know* I have it now any more than I knew, say, twenty minutes ago. But I got an email to the effect of:

Stuart in our Norfolk Branch wants to hire you for temporary employment. I will need additional information from you:
- resume
- your official undergraduate transcript, including GPA :
(if you have an unofficial copy you can email to me, but I'll need your official undergrad transcripts)
- confirmation from NPS that you are currently enrolled - pls have the NPS office fill out the attached form.
- your transcript to date from NPS (unofficial is OK)

Pls call me if you have questions. To confirm, Stuart says your start date can be as early as 10 July? and how long will you be working with Stuart? Also to confirm with you we do not pay for any housing or flying expenses from Monterey to Norfolk.

So... I think I got it!
I'm trying to not get over-excited about it, 'cause I hate the fall of disappointment, but as far as the eye can see there's really nothing else I want more right now.

Update: I just got an email reminding me that I haven't gotten an 'official' offer yet. Which I knew, but... grr, I wish they'd just give me a straight answer. Never mind that significant bits of my life rest in their hands, and they're dragging their feet... Bureaucratic BS... i'm getting sick of the yo-yoing.

I want you to be happy.
But I want to be happy, too.

I don't like how, recently, I can't appreciate the joy my friends have found. I can't stand it, in fact. I should be really happy for them, that things are working out.
But instead, more than anything, it just seems to underscore my own current low.
I feel angry and cynical. I think things which make me feel horrid just thinking.

I hope it's just stress.
I hope I can get out of this funk, get back East and be happy, both because I'm there and because my friends have so many things for me to be happy about.
I don't like feeling this way.

In other news, it's about 4am. I've been coding since, uhm, about 10om. It's actually been a lot of fun; mostly because I've been getting somewhere. I got my C++ project working, but I borrowed rather heavily from some other sources; I hope that's not a problem, because I don't think I would have fixed my problem if I hadn't found it elsewhere. And my Ada project is nigh-done, here in my lap; I'm just commenting the thing.

So, yeah. Programming's going good.
Which is generally a good thing.
And would be particularly a good thing, if my career meant anything to me beyond a means to an end.

*sigh*
Get this done, and maybe get some sleep before lunch...

Just very sad and lonely tonight.
I don't know what's up with my emotions these days.

Feeling very unmotivated.

And I'm afraid I won't get that internship I want. Feeding this is the fact that I can't find ANY of my papers on this computer, which leads me to think they've been deleted, which is sad in itself, but very bad in that they want a 5-10 page sample of my writing. And I've done GOOD STUFF, but I can't find any of it...

My God. I'm going to quit. I swear it.

I don't even know where to begin. Mohammed just called me and said, "Hey, can you come in early?" To which I should have responded, "Fuck no." Instead, I asked when he wanted me, and he said as soon as possible.

Here's the thing, though -- I'm already scheduled to work tonight from 5 until close. We close at midnight, but we don't just lock up and leave, we have to clean things and put away the food. I've worked Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday this week already, and we closed at 11 but didn't get out until 11:30, 12:00, and 12:00 respectively. Which means I anticipate working from 5 until 1am for an 8 hour day. I already told Mohammed I don't want to work more than 8 hours a day. Unfortunately, I said that 4:00-12:00 is 8 hours, and when he asked if I could come in at 4, I didn't fight. So I'm working a 9 hour day today. And yeah, his other workers look like they're all working 11 hour days, and that's fine -- I don't want this many hours, and I said as much. Hire more employees, I don't care. Or schedule the ones you have -- neither Gene nor Tyrinda work more than 4 or 5 days a week, if that much. And here I am, scheduled upwards of 6 or 7 hours a day for a week straight!

(As a side note to my friend Sarah and others similarly afflicted -- I've told you that I think 13-day weeks are insane, and this is in no small part because I find 5-day weeks to be taxing. Did you know that at one time France as a nation went to a 6-day work week, and it failed miserably?)

And that's another thing. I told him after the first week that I wanted more than 40 hours a week -- because that's full-time and, frankly, I didn't want a full-time job this summer. Can anyone tell me what six hours a day for seven days is? How about if we up that to seven hours a day, to account for closing time. We're looking at 42 or 49 hours this week. I don't want that. You could schedule me for 36 or, hells, 25 hours and I'd be happy. i'm not fucking trying to live off this; it's play money until I get my *real* job this fall. And my brother, who is trying to get college tuition money, languishes below the 30hrs/week mark.

I think he schedules me so much because I'm a good worker -- I have something of a forceful and charismatic personality, I can deal with people (I'm more patient in practice than I sound in this space), I get work done, and I'm dependable. Fine, that's great, I'm flattered -- I don't want these hours. Hire more people, but I'm not going to work 60-hour weeks for you, and certainly not at $6 an hour.

I'm gonna... burn the building down.

(Nine days...)

Nothing much to say about today aside from my delay in sending off the letter. It was after 5, anyways, so if I sent it today, it wouldn't be any different than sending it monday - no mail on Sundays, y'know.

There was one thing. For some reason, the ladies (meaning they're each old enough to me my mother) at my work enjoy talking about my love life, and hooking me up with girls. ::Rolls eyes:: I don't get it.

Anyways, one of them asked if I were "looking for a christian girl" and the other one laughed and said of course - she didn't want me to have a "worldly girl." She also said she couldn't imagine me "doing worldly things" and laughed again. Now then, I'm not exactly sure of the meaning of "worldly", though I can make a general assumption. O.O
The funny thing is that what she said is generally the same thing I've been told by many of my friends. ^_^
Maybe I exude an aura or something...

Anyhow, that's that for today. I think I'll open my bag of chips and wach some Eva....

Mmmmm, Eva.....