Every silver lining...

[jackofallgeeks]

I want you to be happy.
But I want to be happy, too.

I don't like how, recently, I can't appreciate the joy my friends have found. I can't stand it, in fact. I should be really happy for them, that things are working out.
But instead, more than anything, it just seems to underscore my own current low.
I feel angry and cynical. I think things which make me feel horrid just thinking.

I hope it's just stress.
I hope I can get out of this funk, get back East and be happy, both because I'm there and because my friends have so many things for me to be happy about.
I don't like feeling this way.

In other news, it's about 4am. I've been coding since, uhm, about 10om. It's actually been a lot of fun; mostly because I've been getting somewhere. I got my C++ project working, but I borrowed rather heavily from some other sources; I hope that's not a problem, because I don't think I would have fixed my problem if I hadn't found it elsewhere. And my Ada project is nigh-done, here in my lap; I'm just commenting the thing.

So, yeah. Programming's going good.
Which is generally a good thing.
And would be particularly a good thing, if my career meant anything to me beyond a means to an end.

*sigh*
Get this done, and maybe get some sleep before lunch...

Comments

[surichan.livejournal.com]

It's easy to fall into solipsistic thoughts in times like this. Try not to let it form a schism in your heart against the people you love; you need them. Know we would all be there to support you and help you if we could, but since we can't, we send our love and our supportive thoughts your way from afar.

Speaking of being there for you; I'll be at your place on the 27th. Hope that brightens your day a bit.

[elwenlassriel.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Please don't be sad. And yes, I do think that at the very least the stress of getting things finished up isn't helping. When you get home, you will be able to relax and be the ones who love you. Things will be sunnier then. Remember that we are your friends and you are very dear to us. We love you and will always be there for you. That isn’t going to change.