jackofallgeeks: (Nevermore)
So, I'm twenty-four years old. I've earned both a Bachelor's degree and a Master's degree. I've been living on my own more-or-less for the last 6 years. I own my own car, manage my own finances, and I'm in the middle of buying a house. I don't consider myself "an adult" yet (a discussion for another time), but I also certainly don't consider myself a child.

I was at my parents' house this weekend. At some point before I got there, my parents had had a disagreement of sorts, and at some time after I arrived they had an honest fight. Now, this doesn't really surprise me, in one sense. In fact, it's perfectly reasonable that any two people will at times have misunderstandings and arguments, that feelings can be hurt and tempers can raise. I've seen it first-, second-, and third-hand for years.

When I heard mom and dad fighting, though... I didn't know how to deal with it. I felt like a scared little boy. I went up to the guest room, closed the door, and tried to read but I simply couldn't concentrate. I wanted nothing more than to curl up and cry.

It passed, mom and dad came to an understanding and before dinner everything was back to normal. I was struck by how deeply it had affected me, though. Even then it felt like how I imagine a small mid-west town feels after a tornado strikes, and house later I still wasn't quite back to my equilibrium. The very foundations of my world had been shaken. And like I said, I'm not some child; I'm a grown man who understands that his parents are real people. And even at that I was cut to the quick.

I think, maybe, I've never really experienced my parents fighting. If they fought when I was younger (which I'm sure they must have, to some extent), they either kept it to themselves, behind closed doors, or I simply succeeded in completely forgetting the incidents. Judging by how I was affected by it at my age and with my experience, it's no wonder that little children can be so traumatized by what, to their parents, is "only a little fight."
jackofallgeeks: (Deep)
Yoinked from [livejournal.com profile] quix and found Here.

Your Brain Usage Profile:

Auditory : 66%
Visual : 33%
Left : 64%
Right : 35%

Well, the first two make sense, in a way; I have bad vision. I've had glasses since 5th grade, but I probably had trouble well before then, so would tend away from relying on my vision too much. The second bit is interesting because, as a lefty, my right-brain should be more dominant; at least to some extent that's what being left-handed implies. Their summary does fit me pretty well, though, particularly the bit about experiencing conflict between what I think and what I feel, and favoring what I think:

Summary )
jackofallgeeks: (Contemplative)
The Questioner
You chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX.

"I am affectionate and skeptical"

Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontational.

How to Get Along with Me

  • Be direct and clear.
  • Listen to me carefully.
  • Don't judge me for my anxiety.
  • Work things through with me.
  • Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
  • Laugh and make jokes with me.
  • Gently push me toward new experiences.
  • Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a Six

  • Being committed and faithful to family and friends
  • Being responsible and hardworking
  • Being compassionate toward others
  • Having intellect and wit
  • Being a nonconformist
  • Confronting danger bravely
  • Being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a Six

  • The constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
  • Procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
  • Fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
  • Exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
  • Wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
  • Being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

Sixes as Children Often...

  • are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
  • are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
  • form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
  • look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
  • are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

Sixes as Parents

  • are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
  • are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
  • worry more than most that their children will get hurt
  • sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages


You wanna know MORE?
Check out what Wikipedia says about your type...
...you'll find even more at Google

Link: The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
jackofallgeeks: (Decepticons)
And This, dear readers, is a major concern for me.

I need people. If I go more than a few days without seeing a good friend (physically in my presence), I start to get depressed. Sometimes having honest conversation over the ether (email, LJ, IMs, etc), or better yet the phone, can stave that off for a week or so. But it's more difficult than one might imagine, it seems, to have honest conversation over such media. And even still, if I go for more than a couple weeks without physical touch, I get depressed.

Psycho-philosophical discussions about what this says of me as a person aside, this is why LJ comments are so significant for me. I can write into the ether day in and day out, and you can consume my musings faithfully, but until there's an exchange of comments there's not even an intellectual interaction. I'm just, as the article notes, a 'faceless wall of sound.' That may be less true for most of you out there, who actually know me in the physical realm, but even I find I lose sense of who the person on the other side of the screen is if enough time goes by.

This is also why I'm a proponent of emails, because of the opportunity for intellectual interaction that it offers. It's not guaranteed, of course. Even speaking face-to-face can be superficial and meaningless. And I think it's a rather sad state of affairs when most conversations one has follow the form of "yeah, so, uhm, yeah." Sometimes I think that, interaction without meaning, speaking without saying anything, is even worse than no interaction at all, if only because it tends to degrade all communication.

And that's what I get up for in the morning, these days anyways. I get out of bed and drive to work and fiddle around with electronics so that I can earn money to allow me to keep in touch with people. so that I can maintain my ethereal presence, yes, but also so I can drive several hundred miles to sleep on a friend's couch (er, 'futon') or just spend an evening out for dinner and drinks. Which, appropriately enough, is what I'm doing tonight. (Uhm, the drinks, not the futon.)
jackofallgeeks: (Decepticons)
An Article on psychopathology, specifically proposing that psychopaths may not be the cold killers they're believed to be... well, OK, they are, but because they have a deficiency in information processing.
jackofallgeeks: (Contemplative)

My Personality
Neuroticism
19
Extraversion
52
Openness To Experience
13
Agreeableness
38
Conscientiousness
51
Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report

MySpace Surveys, Bebo and MySpace Codes by Pulseware Survey Software

jackofallgeeks: (Contemplative)
This article offers an alternate reasoning to the pay gap from the standard "the world is prejudiced against women." In short, it says that women will charge less in certain circunstances, taking into consideration the needs of clients and associates, where as men simply don't care -- an oil change costs $43 regardless of who you are.

I admit i'm biased toward this answer because it reinforces two of my core beliefs: firstly, that (in general) The World is indiferent at worst -- no one is out to ruin your life. Second, that men and women (in general) function in fundamentally different ways, and function so across all fascets of life -- women (in general) are simply always more sensitive and concerned with the relationships between people, and men are rather block-headedly based in the hard facts that it takes $43 to make a profit on an oil change.
jackofallgeeks: (Decepticons)
This is an interesting article. Too tired to even give much of a recap. It's about college and mental health.
jackofallgeeks: (Decepticons)
"If you don't understand gender differences, you end up furthering gender stereotypes."

This is an interesting article because of the gender-issues it touches on. Though I'll have to read further on to decide what I think about the school system in question (I have a rather low opinion of education -- not to be confused with learning -- in general), I've always believed there are intrinsic hard-wired differences between boys and girls, and in light of that this seems to be a reasonable move. At the same time, though, I think one of the deficiencies in the current school system is the stratification of grades; that is, 12-year olds only ever interact with other 12-year olds, etc. One of the most beneficial experiences I had in homeschooling, in my opinion, was the regular interaction with people much older and much younger than myself. I hate the word 'diversity' because it's become so loaded, but there's something to be said, I think, for exposure to other people who think and act in ways and for reasons that are different from your own. Put another way, it may be the case that single-sex classes work and are a great improvement for learning, but even at that boys and girls should have significant enough exposure to each other.

I'll read this later and think on it more.

News Flash!

Aug. 7th, 2006 02:07 pm
jackofallgeeks: (Shocked)
News flash: dirty song lyrics promote sex!
I haven't read this article yet, but the title makes me wince and go, "we didn't know this?"
jackofallgeeks: (Contemplative)
A friend linked to This the other day, and I think it's worth passing around. I think there's a lot that I could say, but I'm not really sure how. Part of me thinks that some of the things he says just highlight some of what's wrong in the world today.
jackofallgeeks: (Deep)
Yoinked from [livejournal.com profile] dreamerdevie. I don't think I know myself well enough to fill this out... Alternate suggestions from those who know me better (that's you all) are welcome in comments.
When all else fails, read the directions... )
jackofallgeeks: (Contemplative)
This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 7.1
Mind: 7.5
Body: 8
Spirit: 6.3
Friends/Family: 5
Love: 2.1
Finance: 8.3
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Thinking about it, that really doesn't look to be too bad. And my life's not. Just need to find more time to relax, and better-focus on things, and find Somebody to Love... I'm not exactly sure why they only mark me with a 5 for family (maybe because I don't have my own?), but...
jackofallgeeks: (Goofy)
I am: SCOAI )

Or: SCUEI )

Or: SCOEI )

Or: SCUAI )

My scores were something like 73%, 66%, 50%, 50%, 72%.
jackofallgeeks: (Default)
Before I start, let me say that I don't mean to insult anyone, and I know we all have our own lives to live, things to see and people to do and all that. I'm just still in a sour mood from last night, and it's my journal, dam it.

I'm irritated.
My mom once (ha, once he says...) told me that I'm over sensitive. I would get upset (that means he cried, people) over the simplest things. She was right, to an extent, but it's more I take personally what people don't intend to be personal. If my mom was upset because the house wasn't getting picked up, I would take it as a personal affront and get upset because, dam it, I was picking up (that's a classic example).

Right now I'm isulted by the silence I've found online. No e-mails, but more pertinent to this journal, no comments. I don't mean that, not really - I DO have comments on here, but often it's just one short little comment, and where there's more than one, it's typical that I made half of them.
This really isn't a big deal, and it wouldn't irritate me so save for one thing - if I just wanted to reflectf, I could save myself quite a bit of time and effort just by writing in my REAL journal, or making a note-pad, or just talking to myself. I WRITE this because I WANT people to tell me what they're thinking. I'm not looking for false, sugar coated "everything's fine" posts, and I'm not fishing for compliments. I would just like SOMETHING to happen on my Journal.

Like I said, I'm still sour from last night, and due to the events of last night and my current mood now, I think I'm just under some kind of stress. Just that time of the month, I suppose.

An update on that thing last night - I've rather cooled off since then. Sour, yes, but not quite so upset. I remembered that the day after I went to Virginia Beach, I did talk with Emily, for actual minutes, and there are moments, like Young Fire, where I can almost see what we had once. I'm just really confused and scared. I don't like losing friends (especially pretty ones), I've done it far too often in my time.
jackofallgeeks: (Default)
I just took the Emminem test or whatever it is that Beth and Leslie (and apparently Raeann) were talking about. Leslie didn't give a link, but since my explaination is alot more vague than hers, I suppose I must. I think you should find it at: http://www.9types.com/
But I'm not sure.

Anyways, there are 9 types, and my scores were:
1 - 4
2 - 5
3 - 3
4 - 2
5 - 5
6 - 3
7 - 6
8 - 3
9 - 0

They say that your Type is the top one, or within the top two or three. Obviously, I'm not a Nine - the Peacemaker. The test would seem to indicate that I'm a Seven - the Generalist, or Enthusiast, or Andventurer (all different names for the same thing). However, since it did say withing the top 2 or 3, and the difference between Seven, Five, and Two was one point, I decided to look at Five (Thinker or Observer) and Two (Helper).

Now then, I looked at Seven, the Adventurer, and he did seem to describe me pretty well. Optomistic, Spontaneous, it seemed a nice fit, though a few points clashed with me, I think. The details can be found in that website.

I checked Five, the Thinker, and he to seemed to fit. Needs time alone to think, doubts sincerity, hard to get my thoughts out, sense of integrity, not caught up with material possessions. But here, too, a few points were out of place.

Then I checked Two, the Helper, and of course he also seemed to fit. Wants to feel appreciated, is sensitive, makes friends, fun loving, good sense of humor. Here, too, though, some points were out of place.

So, my conclusion, is I'm something of a mix of the three - a 4+2/3 if you will - that's the average of 2+5+7. I think you get a pretty accurate view of the type of person I am if you look at the three collectively, but you don't get the whole truth by looking at any one. As Leslie once put in (though not in as many words) I'm simply complecated. ^_^
I like that.

What's YOUR type?

In My Mind

Nov. 26th, 2001 02:08 am
jackofallgeeks: (Goofy)
A friend of mine earlier commented that I sounded like "Andy". Oddly enough, to quite a few, I AM "Andy," but that's besides the point. I guess what she was getting at is that I sounded more, what? Somber? Intellegent? Contemplative? Deep? Something along those lines. Then she resigned herself to the fact that this was just "me."

Well, I said it in the beginning, and I say it now, this is the inside of my head. I guess, in a sense, you hear me here the way I hear me, in my head that is. You get it? I'll be the first to admit that I'm not quite so..hmmm...'calm' isn't the word, but it's close enough, in person. I've been told by many, and I believe it to be true, that I'm kinda goofy. ^_^ I go for that, but at times I also attempt to sound 'intellegent' in the real world. Likely it doesn't come of quite as clear, but I digress. The point remains that I sit here (rather more like 'perch' really...) and I just type as the words come to mind, for the most part.

On a somber note (ironically ^_^) I read over The Letter, and I'm sad to say I sound to dam serious! I'm sure somewhere along the line I've been "myself" with Emily anyways, but I don't particularly like being so SERIOUS for so long. Ah well, I'm sure we've done enough together that she understands i'm not always like that. o.O I'm not even really sure of what I'm talking about anymore, I need sleep...

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August 2012

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