Preteens, cruise ships, and sex.

[jackofallgeeks]

There was a rather concerning happening on the cruise, at least allegedly. It's not the sort of thing anyone would really make up, and certainly not something people would want getting around if they could help it.

On the cruise, kids 17 and younger had a curfew of 1:00am without an adult (18+) with them. It was loosely enforced; generally as long as the kids weren't making any trouble no one harassed them. One one of the last couple nights of the cruise, though, my cousins Eric, Johnny, and Danny were out in the hot-tub at 5am when one of the crew came by and asked their ages. When they said they were 15, 16, and 17 respectively the crewmember told them they were going to have to head off to their rooms. They groaned, and the crewmember said, "I know, I know, but just about an hour ago a mother was looking for her 13-year old daughter and she was found on the top deck having sex with a 15-year old boy."

I'm not even sure where to go from there. I have to say that the first thing that struck me about the whole thing is how traumatic that manner of discovery would have been for the girl. I can't imagine her mother handled it well. I can't imagine anyone involved would know how to handle it well; I certainly wouldn't.

And it gets me to thinking about a few things that really bother me. The first one is the issue about when and how kids are taught about sex. She's 13, she's is going or has gone though peuberty, she has a right to know about what's going on with her body. I certainly don't think she's ready, physically or emotionally, to be having sex, but I've also never felt that bold-faced ignorance was much of a solution for anything. At 13 we're talking about a girl who's just entering or just leaving 8th grade. Not but a few months ago I read an article about *fifth graders* being suspended from school for having sex while their teacher was out of the room. I think it's a stretch to say that this sort of behavior isn't effected (encouraged) by the way in which sex education is taught in schools. At the same time, though, most of what *I* know about sex I've learned through porn, and I don't think that's right, either.

The main trouble, in my opinion, and the thing that really irritates me, is the attitude about sex that our society seems to hold. This girl probably met this boy at one event or another on the cruise, they hit it off well, and she started to feel strongly for him. And the way our society puts it, if you really care for someone -- if you really love them -- you have sex with them, right? I don't mean to reference the old "if you loved me you'd have sex with me" bit; rather, I'm irritated by the way our society seems to place erotic love at the pinnacle of human affection. I think erotic love is great, and it's something I'm definitely looking for in my life, but the implication that it's the best kind of love irritates me. It minimizes that other sorts of loves, the true and honest love I (personally) feel for a number of my friends (Leslie and Rachel, I'm thinking of you). And I think that part of the problem with the way things are is that our society only recognizes one form of love, and so we're all forced into expressing ourselves in ways which are very likely inappropriate for our relationships, or at least the stages of development we find them in.

Anyways, i'm tired and rambling. Time for some sleep.

Comments

i love you...

[singinteenangst.livejournal.com]

i don't know about sex education in schools, that's a complicated topic that i just don't feel equipped to handle. but i APPLAUD your statements on society's depiction of sex as the pinnacle of human affection. i blame that for the increase in divorces. sexual attraction cannot last forever; there will be times, maybe years, in which you just don't feel physically attracted to your spouse anymore. it's possible. but that does not mean that the relationship has lost all merit. there are still conversations to be had, children to raise, evening walks, movies to critique, music to share, meals to cook for each other, jokes to tell, and on and on and on goes the list of ways in which a couple can express love while remaining clothed.

i blame the media, and our blind acceptance of it.