Coming Up for Air

Man, it feels like I've been gone for ages. It's a funny thing, any time I go home -- to stay at my parents' and visit with my siblings -- my Internet presence approaches zero. I don't post to LJ, I don't check my email, I don't lurk around Facebook. Most of the time I'm just relaxing, drinking tea with a good book in my favorite room (the sunroom, with 3 walls nearly full-on glass) and laughably little time is spent *actively* spending time with my siblings. But it's still good times. I love visiting home.

This time around my absence was a bit more absolute because my family -- aunts, uncles, cousins, the whole deal -- went on a week-long cruise which just finished today. I'm currently sitting in a Hampton Inn in DC awaiting my 8am flight back to California in the morning, still imagining the floor is rolling beneath my feet, which is actually starting to make me a little dizzy. My sunburns are all almost-healed, and I'm decidedly short on clean clothes (as there were no washing facilities on the ship). If I had my way, I'd be laying in that queen-sized bed there, getting some sleep or at least finishing the last half of "The Man in the High Castle", but I figure I owe you all some kind of an update.

I've told you all a little bit about my trip, touching on my visit with Anastasiya, for example. That was really good stuff; for those just joining us, she still means a whole lot to me, despite that whole 'failed relationship' bit. In a similar vein, Claire got married a week or three ago. She and Mark, her husband, have apparently moved up north and gotten themselves a kitten. -grins- I'm happy for her, though I have to admit feeling a little... It's weird, I guess, because I still remember when she and I were together, good times and fond memories and the like, and it just... strikes me as odd, I guess, to be thinking of another man's wife like that. *slightly embarrassed* I also feel a little bad because Claire and I haven't really kept in touch much at all in the last couple of years, both of us busy with our own lives, and so I don't feel I really even know her any more. And that's just a little bit disconcerting to me. It's a strange thing, feeling so distant from someone who, for a time, I was so close to.

I think I also mentioned seeing Meghan. I orchestrated a dinner out in Front Royal with me, Gene, Josh, Meghan, and Tahlia (Meghan's old friend, Josh's old girlfriend). Ostensibly it was just me going out there to see Gene et al, but really I just wanted to see her. It was good for her though, I think; she made noises indicating that she'd been without friends for some time, and it was good for her to just get out and spend time with people who weren't expecting anything from her.

The cruise itself was amazing. First and foremost, the ship was HUGE! It was some 15-decks, with several pools and a full work-out center, not to mention 3 full-sized restaurants, a climbing wall, a wave pool, and a miniature mall inside, among other more-standard cruise-type things (pools, movie theatre, main theatre for live shows, ice skating rink, etc). For my part, I'd be perfectly content just sitting out in the Atlantic drinking lemonade and reading under the stars for a week on end, but even at that the cruise gave me lots to enjoy. I LOVED the live shows I managed to get to, my brothers and I participated in karaoke, we had a few really nice beaches on the port calls we went to, and I drank lots of rum. Lots of it. Mostly in fruity mixed drinks, and Gene still beat me $2-$1 on our bill, but... I've photos that I plan on getting up around the Internet; when I do I'll try to remember to point them out here.

The best part, though, was getting to see my cousins; I haven't really spent much time with them at all in the last two years. (In a lot of ways Monterey has really swallowed me.) It's crazy, they're all 15 and 16 and 17 now. That's when I remember most of what I consider My Life beginning. It's weird.

Anyways, though, I'm exhausted, and not only do I have a full day of flying tomorrow, but I also have to finish writing my (first draft of the) Background chapter for my Thesis! My advisor wanted that completed over my break and, well, it's not.

Anyways, I'm back. You should see a bit more of me around again, though I have frighteningly less than three months (July, August, September) before graduation, and I need this thesis done in that time, too. Then, God willing, i'll be moving back to DC semi-permanently.

Preteens, cruise ships, and sex.

There was a rather concerning happening on the cruise, at least allegedly. It's not the sort of thing anyone would really make up, and certainly not something people would want getting around if they could help it.

On the cruise, kids 17 and younger had a curfew of 1:00am without an adult (18+) with them. It was loosely enforced; generally as long as the kids weren't making any trouble no one harassed them. One one of the last couple nights of the cruise, though, my cousins Eric, Johnny, and Danny were out in the hot-tub at 5am when one of the crew came by and asked their ages. When they said they were 15, 16, and 17 respectively the crewmember told them they were going to have to head off to their rooms. They groaned, and the crewmember said, "I know, I know, but just about an hour ago a mother was looking for her 13-year old daughter and she was found on the top deck having sex with a 15-year old boy."

I'm not even sure where to go from there. I have to say that the first thing that struck me about the whole thing is how traumatic that manner of discovery would have been for the girl. I can't imagine her mother handled it well. I can't imagine anyone involved would know how to handle it well; I certainly wouldn't.

And it gets me to thinking about a few things that really bother me. The first one is the issue about when and how kids are taught about sex. She's 13, she's is going or has gone though peuberty, she has a right to know about what's going on with her body. I certainly don't think she's ready, physically or emotionally, to be having sex, but I've also never felt that bold-faced ignorance was much of a solution for anything. At 13 we're talking about a girl who's just entering or just leaving 8th grade. Not but a few months ago I read an article about *fifth graders* being suspended from school for having sex while their teacher was out of the room. I think it's a stretch to say that this sort of behavior isn't effected (encouraged) by the way in which sex education is taught in schools. At the same time, though, most of what *I* know about sex I've learned through porn, and I don't think that's right, either.

The main trouble, in my opinion, and the thing that really irritates me, is the attitude about sex that our society seems to hold. This girl probably met this boy at one event or another on the cruise, they hit it off well, and she started to feel strongly for him. And the way our society puts it, if you really care for someone -- if you really love them -- you have sex with them, right? I don't mean to reference the old "if you loved me you'd have sex with me" bit; rather, I'm irritated by the way our society seems to place erotic love at the pinnacle of human affection. I think erotic love is great, and it's something I'm definitely looking for in my life, but the implication that it's the best kind of love irritates me. It minimizes that other sorts of loves, the true and honest love I (personally) feel for a number of my friends (Leslie and Rachel, I'm thinking of you). And I think that part of the problem with the way things are is that our society only recognizes one form of love, and so we're all forced into expressing ourselves in ways which are very likely inappropriate for our relationships, or at least the stages of development we find them in.

Anyways, i'm tired and rambling. Time for some sleep.