jackofallgeeks: (Nevermore)
So, I'm twenty-four years old. I've earned both a Bachelor's degree and a Master's degree. I've been living on my own more-or-less for the last 6 years. I own my own car, manage my own finances, and I'm in the middle of buying a house. I don't consider myself "an adult" yet (a discussion for another time), but I also certainly don't consider myself a child.

I was at my parents' house this weekend. At some point before I got there, my parents had had a disagreement of sorts, and at some time after I arrived they had an honest fight. Now, this doesn't really surprise me, in one sense. In fact, it's perfectly reasonable that any two people will at times have misunderstandings and arguments, that feelings can be hurt and tempers can raise. I've seen it first-, second-, and third-hand for years.

When I heard mom and dad fighting, though... I didn't know how to deal with it. I felt like a scared little boy. I went up to the guest room, closed the door, and tried to read but I simply couldn't concentrate. I wanted nothing more than to curl up and cry.

It passed, mom and dad came to an understanding and before dinner everything was back to normal. I was struck by how deeply it had affected me, though. Even then it felt like how I imagine a small mid-west town feels after a tornado strikes, and house later I still wasn't quite back to my equilibrium. The very foundations of my world had been shaken. And like I said, I'm not some child; I'm a grown man who understands that his parents are real people. And even at that I was cut to the quick.

I think, maybe, I've never really experienced my parents fighting. If they fought when I was younger (which I'm sure they must have, to some extent), they either kept it to themselves, behind closed doors, or I simply succeeded in completely forgetting the incidents. Judging by how I was affected by it at my age and with my experience, it's no wonder that little children can be so traumatized by what, to their parents, is "only a little fight."
jackofallgeeks: (Decepticons)
Some bits of This Article on things a man should know about fatherhood are pretty funny. Some bits I don't quite agree with. Some bits seems like common sense. All in all, I want to be a dad.
jackofallgeeks: (Bashful)
Up until about five minutes ago, I was watching Batman Begins. I love that movie. And Crane is suitably Halloween-ish.

About five minutes ago -- that is, at 12:30am -- the doorbell rang. Odd. And as I feared, though not exactly as I feared: my movie was being too loud. More specifically, the girl who's room is the one directly above mine was at the door, looking rather frantic, and saying "you're killing me, you're killing me, I can't take it any more." Not screaming, just a might bit desperate. After a short while, it was determined that she has to be up at about 5:30 on week days for class and I, not having to be up until later in the morning, tend to be up doing my own thing into the night, which keeps her up. I apologized, and noted that this was the first that I'd heard of it, to which she said that she'd been biting her tongue over it. Though I've no idea why; I can't very well fix a problem I don't know about. And there are plenty of quiet things I can do between the hours of 10:00 and 2:00 before I get to bed, so it's not really any trouble. She apologized (for needing sleep?), and said she didn't want to "come down here and bitch," and I had to assure her over and over (and over) that it was really OK, I'll be quiet.

I do feel kind of bad about it, though. I'm thinking I might take her a peace offering tomorrow, to show there are no hard feelings.

Which reminds me, I have this bowl to return, too. At about 7:00 or 8:00, the doorbell rang and I opened it to find two little girls dressed up as a princess and a... ninja, I think, trick-or-treating (with their parents a couple steps behind them). A little embarrassed, I said I didn't have any candy, but then it dawned on me, "I have apples; do you want apples?" And the girls assented, so I ran off to get the two apples left in our fridge. After I'd given them their apples, their parents said that they had some candy in their apartment, if I wanted, so I wouldn't be caught empty-handed. I accepted it, but I think those two girls were the only ones out tonight, 'cause no one else ever stopped by. So, I've their bowl to return tomorrow.

And I've also got class, some homework, an application to fax... *sigh* I wish there was more enjoyment in my life right now; but that's for another post.

I do want to end here by saying I love people, I love kids, and even the little (and partly-backhanded) interactions I've had today have made me feel better than I otherwise would have.

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John Noble

August 2012

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