On Public Journaling (was 'Lonesome Dove')

This is a comment to a post which can not be commented to. I'm trying to decide how open I'm going to make it -- I don't think it'll be Public, but I don't think you'll be the only one who can see it, either. That's not my way of doing things. Even in such a directed post, I really do want to hear what others have to say... Anyways, maybe I should get to commenting, huh?

You've hit on a big issue with LiveJournal, I think... That is, how can you have a Journal that's open to the public? As I voiced when this whole thing started, isn't the point of a Journal to have somewhere to say what you can tell no one? To write what no one may read? To share things that you could never share? But then, if you aren't going to share yourself on this journal, what are you doing to share? The surface. The only things which you aren't afraid to show to anyone. You will show the side that you show strangers. And you risk having everyone know you only as well as a stranger would. You risk very much seeming superficial.

I can't tell you what to do about that. It's an issue intrinsic to LiveJournal. And the more people you 'know' who read your LJ, the harder it becomes, I think. All I can offer is my own take on LiveJournal, which is in itself very risky. I try as well as I may to present who I am, as I am. And in this I don't risk being a Known Stranger, but rather, I make myself vulnerable, more vulnerable than I necessarily feel comfortable with. Anyone could come and see my journal, but at least I can know that the person they see is the person I am.
Trust me, it iosn't always as reassuring as it sounds.  O.o

I don't think I follow what you mean, that he's all you have but that's not enough. I do think I know what you're saying about being cut off... About Alienating the people you used to know... who used to know you... But at the same time, you claim to have made efforts to change, to stand up for yourself and what's important to you. And as always, when you change, so will your relationships. Some, the better, will adapt. Others, either because of who you are or who they thought you were, will wither.  ^_^;;  I'm not very helpful, am I...? That's not the easiest thing to recognize, that perhapse... -shrugs- Not reassuring that who you are might not be who they wanted you to be, perhapse. But I would think, and hope you would agree, that it's better to be who you are than play the part of who you're not.

Things change, people change, and the world you once knew will fade away. It's not a bad thing, it's not a good thing, it's just a think. Life is change. But just because the world begins to fade or a relationship starts to wither doesn't mean you should lerave things to fate and dispair. You're right not to compromise yourself, but relationships can shift, and the world you know can alter as well. Just because things change doesn't mean you have to be alone.

Anyways, I hope this isn't the usual sympathy, which we all hope to avoid in comments. I also hope it's not too abstract -- I'm know for that in the first place, and trying to say something without really saying it makes things difficult.  ^_^;;  I'm such a goof. In either case, though, I should hope that, even if you do revert to the superficial posts, you don't neglect the thoughtful posts, that we might get a glimpse of why you are. I know I would rather know you as such and presume you are who you present.

Or something.  ^_^;;

January Girl

He sat there for a while, watching her. The dark-haired girl sat on the edge of the bed, as he fingered the fuzzy green tennis ball in his hands, turning it around and around, for no particular reason. He started... "I... You know..." The words weren't coming easily, a failing of language in general. He took a deep breath, and sighed. "I mean everything I say, you know. That is, it's not there, hollow and empty, said simply because it's what I think you want to hear. That's something I don't like myself - hollow words - and I would never inflict them upon someone else. I think you know - you know that I care - because I get the same way when I do that." He points to the sheaf of papers on the table, then shakes his head. "Maybe it's arrogance - I've been accused of that before, you know - but I think maybe I can relate. And when I get that way, deep down inside I know that people care - I would just like them to show it more, I suppose." He ran his hand through his hair, trying to gather his thoughts. "Like I said, I think I can relate, because I think I've been there before - to a similar room, locked in the darkness, watching as porcelain masques dance about me, nothing more than clever facsimiles of the original. I think, in a way, it's only human to see your own flaws - the same way an artist never truly appreciates his own work. You can see all the flaws, the half-truths. You know every failing of yourself, because you know yourself more intimately than you'll ever know anyone else. More than anyone else will ever know you. "In a way, I suppose that's a bit disappointing - maybe it implies that we'll never be understood the way we long to be. And yet, at the same time, it means that no one will ever see our flaws in the same garish light that we have known them our entire life. And perhaps, through that, we'll be appreciated more than we expect we should." He ran his fingers through his hair again and looked up, briefly, for the first time since he he began talking. "But, that's not really the point, either. I mean, I don't know... Yeah, maybe there are a million people out there, and maybe any of them could do things better. But the point is, you DO do them, and I don't know if you understand the true power inherent in that. You DO what anyone could do. This world is one of actuality, not potential. There's more strength, more force in one 'Do' than in a million 'Coulds.' "I guess, when all the words have been said, I'm just trying to let you know that I'll be here with you, as long as you want, and you don't have to be alone if you don't want to be." He tossed the ball in his hand once, then placed it on the bed next to her.

(no subject)

I am Jack's overwhemling sense of ineptitude.
I just got back a test which I managed to pull an astounding 49 out of 100 points. Whee. It didn't help that of the first 35 points, based on a modeling problem which I could not answer or even begin to solve, I only got 5 points.
Yeah, what a way to start the day.

Further, in an attempt to council a friend, I merely managed to confuse myself, sound like a fool, and earn a quizical look. I don't think I'm very sympathetic. This would not be a problem if I didn't try to be sympathetic so much. I should spare people my attempts at usefulness.

And to make things better, I have a 5-page (minimum) paper to write before 10:30 tomorrow morning, requiring four quoted sources, and I have but the most vague idea of where to start.

When I close my eyes, does the world dissapear?
Sometimes I wish it would.

(no subject)

Nine-hundred eighty-eight words. All I need is another three hundred words, minimum, and I'll be home free. This whole paper-writing thing isn't really all that bad. It's the research I can't stand. *wince* Well, not even that. I suppose, given a topic I was interested in and adequate resources, it wouldn't be so bad, either. Interest makes all the difference.
Perhapse I could have been an English Major, after all.