January Girl

[jackofallgeeks]

He sat there for a while, watching her. The dark-haired girl sat on the edge of the bed, as he fingered the fuzzy green tennis ball in his hands, turning it around and around, for no particular reason. He started... "I... You know..." The words weren't coming easily, a failing of language in general. He took a deep breath, and sighed. "I mean everything I say, you know. That is, it's not there, hollow and empty, said simply because it's what I think you want to hear. That's something I don't like myself - hollow words - and I would never inflict them upon someone else. I think you know - you know that I care - because I get the same way when I do that." He points to the sheaf of papers on the table, then shakes his head. "Maybe it's arrogance - I've been accused of that before, you know - but I think maybe I can relate. And when I get that way, deep down inside I know that people care - I would just like them to show it more, I suppose." He ran his hand through his hair, trying to gather his thoughts. "Like I said, I think I can relate, because I think I've been there before - to a similar room, locked in the darkness, watching as porcelain masques dance about me, nothing more than clever facsimiles of the original. I think, in a way, it's only human to see your own flaws - the same way an artist never truly appreciates his own work. You can see all the flaws, the half-truths. You know every failing of yourself, because you know yourself more intimately than you'll ever know anyone else. More than anyone else will ever know you. "In a way, I suppose that's a bit disappointing - maybe it implies that we'll never be understood the way we long to be. And yet, at the same time, it means that no one will ever see our flaws in the same garish light that we have known them our entire life. And perhaps, through that, we'll be appreciated more than we expect we should." He ran his fingers through his hair again and looked up, briefly, for the first time since he he began talking. "But, that's not really the point, either. I mean, I don't know... Yeah, maybe there are a million people out there, and maybe any of them could do things better. But the point is, you DO do them, and I don't know if you understand the true power inherent in that. You DO what anyone could do. This world is one of actuality, not potential. There's more strength, more force in one 'Do' than in a million 'Coulds.' "I guess, when all the words have been said, I'm just trying to let you know that I'll be here with you, as long as you want, and you don't have to be alone if you don't want to be." He tossed the ball in his hand once, then placed it on the bed next to her.

Comments

[daisysweet.livejournal.com]

i've always loved that bit of writing & you know it, andrew. ::small smile:: very easy to imagine you that way. and with a smile, no less, because you're playing with a tennis ball. where DID that come from, exactly?

thinking of you. xoxo.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

-smiles- Where did which come from, the writing or the tennis ball? The writing itself, actually, was written some time ago for a friend of mine -- I was just a bit inspired, and I think at the time they needed to hear what was said.

As for the tennis ball...? -shrugs- It made for a nice vehicle. It gave him something to do with his hands, for one, and allowed for a decent opening to the piece. It also gave him something to set beside her at the end. That, and I just like the imagery of it all. -smiles-

[starlight1184.livejournal.com]

Dude! I loved the tennis ball. Particularly what you did with it at the end... kind of "placing the ball in their court"... it was a great visual image. Wonderful. I'll read it again soon, and say more. I kind of skimmed it this time (lots to do, little time), but loved the ball. :-)

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

Ha! That's exactly what I was going for! w00+ Everyone says it, why not show it literally? -grins- I'm glad you approve.