I was in the Turkey the WHOLE time!

Well, seeing as Leslie, Louis, and Beth have all had their play, I suppose now it's my turn.
( And Then There Were Four )

To summarize: Wow.

...Two Steps Back.

I've been doing alot of thinking these past few days. More thinking than I consider healthy, I might joke. It seems to me that a number of people in my Circle have been losing touch with who they are. To an extent, I think I fit that category, too. When I was at Leslie's this weekend... For one, I didn't feel like me. or rather, I did, but it wasn't the me I am, nor the me I want to become -- it was rather as though I were the me I might have become, if things had been different. If I weren't as Faithful... I said things I wouldn't normally have said, acted in ways I wouldn't normally have behaved... For a great deal of the weekend I was me, and though I like to imagine my friends know me well enough to see the subtlties, I'm not sure any of the other three felt the difference. I did, and I didn't like it very much.

I also thought alot about girls... Claire, Amanda, and the other ladies who have found a spot in my mind. It's.. hard to say. I don't know what I want. I want someone to be there, but I don't want to get into a relationship like that just because I'm lonely. I don't even know what to do with myself... I mean, I've always wanted a family, and now... I still want a family, but I'm thinking maybe I want to be Single for a while... But I don't want to be alone, either. I don't like being alone...

I'm looking forward to next year, when i'll have a few established friends nearby at College Park. Not that i don't have friends here, and not that i'm not developing stonger ties to those I have here -- but my best CUA friend, Aaron, graduates this year, and it'll be nice to have friends nearby who... well, who I feel close too already, as it is....

I also don't know where I'm heading right now... I mean, I've always had some kind of direction -- I've always been a student, I've alwys known what I wanted... But now I look to the future and I think 'What is going to make me get up in the morning? What will my purpose be? To support myself? that's not grant task, no mighty goal, to feed oneself and pay the rent...' It feels so empty and void... What am I to do with myself...?

I don't know, I'm just really tired right now, and I think I've lost my train of thought....

...and on to the next one...

And to complicate matters, whenever I think of holding or kissing someone, I think of Claire... it's not so much that I need her, much as I may want her... It's just that I think romance and intimacy, and it instantly leads to Claire... I miss her badly, and I'm sure we all know, but... And I can't tell her. I can't say that I want to hold her again, to feel her in my arms, to lay my head against her shoulder, because I'm afraid I'd scare her away... She's going to possibly be at MSU next year, and if so, i'm hoping to be able to spend time with her... And i'm afraid that if she was really aware that I still love her, that I still want to be with her... That she wouldn't want me around... or that she'd limit our contact, or something... Thinking about it it sounds like such a foolish fear -- Claire's a great girl, and besides, she knows I still love her, and that I still want her... but... I would have added this into my last post -- seeing Beth reminded me of Claire by association (Beth being 1/2 the reason I ever met Claire) and Claire, Romance, and other girls...

Yeah, there goes my train of thought again... I'm going to sleep...

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[2:28] I'll get over her, eventually... It's hard picking up the pieces sometimes. I'm not as bad off as I sound, just... looking for someone to listen, I suppose. Right, sleep...

(no subject)

Let's see, today was pretty good... I got up at about 9:30, showered and dressed, and went off to Religion Class. Seems that not only does Jason read Harry Potter durring class, but it's also the ONLY time he reads the books. I laugh. Some people, it seems, don't like Jason very much, and while he doesn't come off as the quickest bulb in the shed, I think he's a cool enough guy. We also got our tests back, and I got a 95%.

After class, I ran by the Post Office to pick up a package which turned out to be my Jesus Christ Superstar DVD and Soundtrack, so now maybe I'll be able to work on my Grand Project (I'm quite intimidated). Stacey, you got those Cinnimon Rolls ready?  ^_^;;

Grabbed a quick bite to eat at The Pryz, then off to work. I was in there for only two hours today, because I had to get out to ACM elections at 2:00, but in that time I finished standardizing some .htm files, so that's cool. The ACM elections, predicatbly, kinda flopped out. Only me, Diran, Joe, and Mike showed up -- those three being the current officers, who are graduating in May. Guess who's President of ACM now?  ^_^;;

I didn't go back to work after the 'elections,' though. I realized this morning that I needed to send money off to pay my Credit Card, and then found I was out of checks!  O.o  So I drove out to Bethesda to the bank. I deposited my Paycheck (cha-ching) and got a Cashier's Check to pay my bill. I also got a Haircut and a snack at Subway (mmmmm, pepperchinos...). I got back to my room around 5:00 (after fighting Beltway Traffic) and shortly after went to Sleven with Becky and then to the Pryz with her for Dinner.

After dinner, I showered and shaved (I feel all clean and stuff) and then got my Class Schedual for next semester finished up. I still need to finish up a couple forms for my Summer Internship, though. *wince* And I have a small CompSci project due tomorrow evening -- no programming involved, just a little processor-architecture modelling stuff.

But, whee. Today's been good. I also gotta talk to a number of friends I haven't heard from in a while, including Ms. Olivia, who's been 'missing' most of this semester. Apparently she's on Spring Break right now, so that explains that. and, I think that's that.

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Additionally: Tonight's Smallsville could easily be addapted into a Werewolf Chronicle.