Dead Stars
Sep. 5th, 2002 12:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksStill Burn
"I can't just change everything about myself in some selfish bid to be with her."
I must say, Nifer is a good friend. I don't know if she intended it or not, and if she did, it was quite masterful. She made me look at things head-on, gave me the cold hard facts, and told me to live with myself.
Often, I think, you have to wonder if your friends tell you things just because you want to hear them. I don't think I even need fear that from Nifer. ^^;;
But you might ask what this is all about. You might not. In either case, you haven't learned about it through this Journal.
Claire and I are together no longer. On Thursday, in my room, we talked, and she informed me that she could not, with good conscience, raise her children Catholic. Aside from obvious religious difficulties, we disagree on a number of basic issues, and as such the situation could not be resolved favorably. I still love her, I always will, but we will never have a family together.
I must say, I blame myself. Or, I did. I don't know if it was a little time, or Nifer, or what, but I'm better about it now. I feel better about the situtation and my choice, because I've come to grips with the fact that, yes, it was my choice to make, and I feel I've chosen the only path I could and still be true to myself.
It still hurts. I still feel lonely, and afraid. But at the same time, I still hold that meeting her (and likewise Nifer and Mina and Amy) was too coincidental to be chance. It's happened for a reason, and I've come out with a good friend in the end.
"I can't just change everything about myself in some selfish bid to be with her."
I must say, Nifer is a good friend. I don't know if she intended it or not, and if she did, it was quite masterful. She made me look at things head-on, gave me the cold hard facts, and told me to live with myself.
Often, I think, you have to wonder if your friends tell you things just because you want to hear them. I don't think I even need fear that from Nifer. ^^;;
But you might ask what this is all about. You might not. In either case, you haven't learned about it through this Journal.
Claire and I are together no longer. On Thursday, in my room, we talked, and she informed me that she could not, with good conscience, raise her children Catholic. Aside from obvious religious difficulties, we disagree on a number of basic issues, and as such the situation could not be resolved favorably. I still love her, I always will, but we will never have a family together.
I must say, I blame myself. Or, I did. I don't know if it was a little time, or Nifer, or what, but I'm better about it now. I feel better about the situtation and my choice, because I've come to grips with the fact that, yes, it was my choice to make, and I feel I've chosen the only path I could and still be true to myself.
It still hurts. I still feel lonely, and afraid. But at the same time, I still hold that meeting her (and likewise Nifer and Mina and Amy) was too coincidental to be chance. It's happened for a reason, and I've come out with a good friend in the end.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
What if there was only one choice... and all the other choices were wrong..
I am sorry that a relationship had to come to an end. But, from what it sounds like, the ending was for the best and if you can stay friends... then that is how it is meant to be after all. If nothing else, every encounter is (or should be) a learning experience. If it doesn't work out, then you can learn what went wrong and why... and be smart about future relationships.
"..I don't want to feel this way, no, I don't want to say I'm just a friend.."
Date: 2002-09-05 06:56 am (UTC)On the other hand, I almost can't help but feel bad for it - like I'm some kind of a failure for not being able to make this work, you know?
Re: "..I don't want to feel this way, no, I don't want to say I'm just a friend.."
Date: 2002-09-07 01:31 pm (UTC)"...there'll be a hidden message about a boy who loves a girl..."
Date: 2002-09-07 06:56 pm (UTC)Thanks, I really appreciate that.
But you know me, I'm always in a state of turmoil (in my own mind), especially when I don't feel I can be certain where I stand.
I think, though, you've state how I feel towards you more elegantly than I ever could. ^^
"...and I know it's harder than hell to find peace between a boy and a girl..."
Date: 2002-09-05 04:46 am (UTC)I'm sorry to hear that you and Claire couldn't get things worked out after all. I sincerely hoped you would be able to, but...I stand by what I said yesterday. I may not be able to understand every little nuance of where you're coming from, but I do understand what values and ideals mean, and I understand that giving them up is out of the question, for fear of losing one's own self.
I only hope you'll be all right. Love is a difficult thing to live without once you've known it a certain way, and although you and she can be great friends, I'm sure...but. I want you to know that if you ever need to talk, I'm here.
(I hope you know, Andrew, that I would never tell you something just because it was what you wanted to hear. I may be non-confrontational to a fault, but with you, I'm usually able to speak my mind pretty well.)
Glad to be of help
Date: 2002-09-07 08:57 pm (UTC)~La Nif