Imagine Me and You: not sure how to express myself.

[jackofallgeeks]

So, I just watched Imagine Me and You, courtesy of NetFlix, and aside from the leading lady being rather attractive I'm fairly dissatisfied with in. In fact, I'm almost angry about the movie. It starts off with Rachel marrying her life-time pal, Hank (or something). But at her wedding she bumps into someone who she falls madly in love with, and a sort of comedy or errors ensues. The trouble I have , though, is that as the climax approaches the movie makes it's message rather clear: as long as it feels right, all else be damned. Well, OK, I'm injecting my bias into that, but it boils down to Rachel leaving her husband and trotting off because it feels right. They try to tie it up in a nice bow with Rachel's passion inspiring her parents to speak to each other again, and Hank 'meeting' someone after the credits, but it doesn't soothe me.

And maybe it says something about me. Actually, I'm sure it says something about me. I want to say, "life's not like that," but what I mean is, "that's not right." It smacks too much of blind hedonism to me, that anything is fine so long as it feels good. I'm offended that she left her husband, as though that commitment didn't mean anything. (To be fair, the movie dances around that a little bit, insisting that she would have stuck it out, but that her husband lift her because he didn't want to keep her from being happy. But I think that's kind of shit.) I'm upset because... I don't know. The movie just seemed to trivialize everything. And it's a classically romantic "love conquers all" sort of sentiment, but... I don't know. I don't think that's good enough.

Comments

[uhlrik.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen the film, but I really hate it when movies trivialize the significance of commitments that are inherent to marriage.

[mordainlove.livejournal.com]

i completely get all the comments you're making. to make any other than the one i'm about to make, though, i'd have to rewatch the movie. i haven't seen it in quite some time, and i remember thinking it was "cute" and all, but ... you know, not something i'd generally gush about/write home about/whatever.

however, on the point of her leaving her husband, and that the commitment didn't mean anything... i took it more, or tend to view it more as... while she loved him, she wasn't IN LOVE with him. it took meeting someone else to realize this, but to my point...

how fair is it, to that other party, for someone to stick around in a relationship when, although they love the other person dearly, they aren't in love with them? it isn't about marriage or commitment not meaning anything, because it certainly does mean something (again, i'd have to rewatch the movie to point it out specific to the film, this is just a comment for general life-as-we-know-it) ..... but rather, being honest about your feelings and also being fair to the other person.

when the other half of a relationship falls out of love but sticks around, LOTS of bad things can happen. it's painful and rather heartless to put someone through something that is, essentially, a lie. when one falls out of love, one will treat the other person (who i'd assume is obviously still IN love and not aware, in most cases, that said party is now out of love) in a different manner than when they were IN LOVE with them. i've been there and, looking back, i wish that things would have come to the surface a lot sooner and in a less painful way.

i'd much rather my spouse be honest about not being in love with me and have the relationship/commitment/marriage END than my spouse stick around, unhappy and possibly tempted to cheat, or lie, or treat me badly/off-colour.

i know i am not making my point very clearly. i apologize ... i got very little sleep last night, i've been up since 6am, and i've worked a hard day in retail hell.

.

also, off-topic, i DID get your e-mail and it made me smile and i'm wroking on a reply during the moments where i don't feel/sound so loopy. ;)

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

Off-topic: I'm glad it found you. I'm never sure how to reach you.

On-topic: Well, see... the whole "love/in-love" thing is part of what irritates me. And don't take this the wrong way, but... People always talk about how "in-love" is the great end-all of everything, but.... It's just a feeling. It's an emotion. It will wax and wane and come and go and... Well, what happens when you fall out of love with your new partner? Is it OK to just leave for the next pretty thing that catches your eye? I'm trivializing it and I'm sorry. But my point is that there's something more than just feeling. You're not always going to feel that, no matter who you're with. They're going to upset you, you're going to have fights, there's no such thing as "happily ever after." But the way I see it, loving someone is an active choice, a commitment you make to that person that has... something more. You choose to love someone even when they make you angry, even on the dull days, even when you have a crush on the flower girl.

The other thing that kind of got me is why they couldn't just be content being good friends? Why is it that romantic feelings always have to end in erotic relationships? The cynical part of me wants to say it's because the writer was making a point, but that aside... I think a better ending would have been if Rachel were able to find a way to deal with her emotions in a way that didn't... I mean, it's not a black-and-white situation. I'm just-friends with plenty of people I'm attracted to. It seems to me to be more mature to be able to manage your emotions rather than being run by them.

No, I wouldn't want my spouse to stay unhappy in our relationship, but I expect she would be committed enough to try and work through such things together.

I'm not making any sense, either. It's late and this evening I'm feeling the most out-of-sorts as I've been in a while.

[uhlrik.livejournal.com]

Real love ain't about hormones, though they certainly help get somebody's attention long enough to develop real love. It's about a deep desire to do what's right by the other person, and to WANT to work on whatever difficulties might arise in the relationship.