Meghan and Patrick's Family

[jackofallgeeks]

OK, so, Meghan and I have been estranged friends pretty much since she started dating Patrick. I don't like him, I don't think he treats her well, and all told I fear the relationship treads awfully close to "abusive." I talked with her tonight for the first time in a while, and she said they're having problems... And while part of my feels bad that my friend is unhappy, most of me is glad. And I'm only a little bit ashamed of that.

Some 'highlights' from our conversation:

Meghan: Well, let's just say that I kind of deserve an "I told you so" from you, but I hope you are a good enough friend not to indulge in that.

Meghan: We have come to find that we are more different than we thought

Meghan: and when I started being more assertive and less complacent about my opinions and such that didn't help matters

Meghan: they are mainly cultural differences and views on how things should be done, how to run a house, that work is or is not everything, that there is or is not value in play or things that don’t gain you tangible value, money matters, how a family is run, etc.

Meghan: simply put, I'm more Irish than I realized, and he is very Eastern European.

Meghan: it's more things like he has very high standards of how the house is to be run and kept up to perfection, the children must always be well behaved, the oldest relative (like grandparent) tends to get the final word in everything in stead of each family being more of it's own unit. The monarchy aspect is at least something he wants to depart from a little bit, but that doesn’t mean his mother and grandmother are going to going to relinquish their power easily.

Meghan: but in reality, my will is easily broken by someone I care about. I am a very complacent person and will give in almost all the time to avoid conflict of any kind. Patrick often tells me that I too often let people walk all over me. And it’s true. I do it so much to the point that I’m not really being me anymore without even realizing it. This kind of happened with the two of us. And as it always does, I was only able to keep it up for so long and then went a bit too far the other way.

Meghan: I am a bit more normal now, but am sure to still be assertive of myself. He isn’t able to handle an assertive me very well. but I just got to the point that I felt like I was almost lying about who I was to him because I wasn't being very true to myself.

Meghan: perhaps that I'm more concerned with just being married and raising a family and fulfilling my marriage vocation rather than just because I want to spend the rest of my life with him. he also fears that I'm looking at it as a bit of an escape from life and working and school and such.

Meghan: Well, I think that he fears that I would be using it to run away from the world rather than running towards something. This may be due to the fact that I’m not a very ambitious person and quite frankly am looking forward to the day when I don’t have to worry about taking care of myself anymore. However, I know full well how much hard work and self sacrifice it is going to be to be a wife and mother. My own mother has pretty much zero time for herself.
as his mother put it I "just want a meal ticket"

Meghan: I don't exactly have warm fuzzies for his mom to put it lightly

Meghan: I was also informed that her first reaction to hearing that I was voicing some doubts about he and I was demanding that he ask me if there was another guy

Meghan: as well as being informed that were we to marry, if anything ever happened to him, and his parents were still alive, I wouldn't get anything from the inheritance, it would all goes to the children because I wouldn’t really be part of his family not being blood and all.

Meghan: but I fear she will try to pit us against each other. she already to do it to us once while I was there

Meghan: Yes, I should go too. I've gone on far longer than I should have
Patrick would kill me if he knew

I worry for her...

Comments

That's terrible.

[mmeubiquitous.livejournal.com]

By the by, the whole bit about if he were to die when they were married, she wouldn't get anything? Legally, that's total bull. If someone is married, their wife is their legal next of kin. Which is why parents can't make funeral arrangements for their grown married children...the don't have the right to a say at all...it's the spouse's right. Unless there's a will.

But that's just gravy. She needs to get out and get out fast.

Re: That's terrible.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

You're right, but I got the impression that she was talking more like in a Will or if something happened to his parents or something. It doesn't matter how valid the threat, was: the mere implication that a wife is anything less than a daughter and sister to the family...! That's just hostile. I don't care if he's the best guy in the world (a dubious claim at best), that's not a good situation to be putting oneself into.

Re: That's terrible.

[masqerade.livejournal.com]

That is crazy! She definitly needs to get out, she can do so much better(even though I am not familiar with her). Shawn's parents have added both Nicole and I to their will. If Matthew and Shawn were to pass away before us and their parents we would be the ones to get their share, because we would then be the head of the household and the grand children. Besides, they are always calling us their daughters.