jackofallgeeks | I need to go to bed. Bed will stop the thinking.

I'm scared and it hurts.

I want to feel secure again.
I want to know that I'm going to be OK.
I want to stop feeling like my affection is always unwanted.

Work ends tomorrow. This makes me incredibly sad. I'm really going to miss that place, I'm going to miss those guys, and as much as I'd like to be able to tell them, 'yeah, I'll come work for you after I graduate,' I really don't know how feasible that would even be. And not just because I don't think they can beat the other offers I've already gotten.

I move out of this apartment on Monday, and I don't have a new one in California lined up yet. I emailed Dan (my old landlord-type) a few days ago and he hasn't replied; I keep meaning to call him, but I keep putting it off. I'm staying with my parents for a couple weeks, but I'd feel a lot better if I had somehere to drive *to* when I head out on the road.

I till haven't heard from Kira. And I'm a fool, and I'm an idiot, and I have no reason to think anything's wrong (except that I haven't heard from her in over a week), and I have no reason to hope as strongly about... this as I do. And I'm a fool and I'm an idiot, but this hurts...

You'd think after the life I've lead I'd do well with change. I don't.
I'm scared. And it hurts.