An Exercise In Futility
Dec. 5th, 2001 01:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksHmmmm, how does one begin?
I have this friend, one could say, and while I'm not particularly frustrated with them....or maybe I am....For simplicity and anonymity, we'll call said friend "Ben" You see, Ben has a friend, Jerry. Ben and Jerry have known each other for a while - longer than I've known either of them, particularly.
But since they've come to college, the two have changed, it seems. Ben says that Jerry isn't the guy he used to be - he does stupid stuff, hangs out with the wrong people - you know, drinks, messes around with women - heaven forbid he does anything worse, but that seems to be the way he's headed.
Anyways, Ben feels bad because he often feels he just wants their friendship to end - and understandably so. He just doesn't know Jerry anymore. But at the same time, I don't think he can do that, and I told him so. I told Ben that instead of ignore the issues for fear of a confrontation, it's his obligation as a friend to tell Jerry that he's skrewing up.
Sadly though, Ben is deathly afraid of confrontations. It's been said that I have more of a backbone than I admit to, and I simply can't understand Ben on this point. He says he sees it as a test - but a test of what I don't know.
It almost seems to me that Ben just wants to ignore the whole situation and wait for the relationship to wane. But I KNOW you can't do that - I've tried before. All you end up with is awkwardness, especially so when one side doesn't KNOW there's a problem. And it frustrates me that Ben won't see this, cause he's a really good friend of mine. And the way he's handling it, he's just going to end up regretting it. With a confrontation, yes, there MAY be hard feelings, but not only, and it's better than ambiguity. Often even when there's hard feeling the people involved can come to an understanding, even remain friends. You can't just starve a relationship and hope it goes away.
But, Ben won't listen to me. I would talk with Jerry, except me and him have never really been close, and it doesn't SPECIFICALLY involve me anyways. Even if I could get them to talk, I'm afraid I'd earn animosity from both sides if I interfered against their wishes, you know?
Anyways, that's that, I guess...
I have this friend, one could say, and while I'm not particularly frustrated with them....or maybe I am....For simplicity and anonymity, we'll call said friend "Ben" You see, Ben has a friend, Jerry. Ben and Jerry have known each other for a while - longer than I've known either of them, particularly.
But since they've come to college, the two have changed, it seems. Ben says that Jerry isn't the guy he used to be - he does stupid stuff, hangs out with the wrong people - you know, drinks, messes around with women - heaven forbid he does anything worse, but that seems to be the way he's headed.
Anyways, Ben feels bad because he often feels he just wants their friendship to end - and understandably so. He just doesn't know Jerry anymore. But at the same time, I don't think he can do that, and I told him so. I told Ben that instead of ignore the issues for fear of a confrontation, it's his obligation as a friend to tell Jerry that he's skrewing up.
Sadly though, Ben is deathly afraid of confrontations. It's been said that I have more of a backbone than I admit to, and I simply can't understand Ben on this point. He says he sees it as a test - but a test of what I don't know.
It almost seems to me that Ben just wants to ignore the whole situation and wait for the relationship to wane. But I KNOW you can't do that - I've tried before. All you end up with is awkwardness, especially so when one side doesn't KNOW there's a problem. And it frustrates me that Ben won't see this, cause he's a really good friend of mine. And the way he's handling it, he's just going to end up regretting it. With a confrontation, yes, there MAY be hard feelings, but not only, and it's better than ambiguity. Often even when there's hard feeling the people involved can come to an understanding, even remain friends. You can't just starve a relationship and hope it goes away.
But, Ben won't listen to me. I would talk with Jerry, except me and him have never really been close, and it doesn't SPECIFICALLY involve me anyways. Even if I could get them to talk, I'm afraid I'd earn animosity from both sides if I interfered against their wishes, you know?
Anyways, that's that, I guess...
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He's a deadly handsome man, baby!
Date: 2001-12-04 11:46 am (UTC)I hope Ben comes by and reads it as well, because I know he'll see how much you care. And I'm sure, when he's got all his miscellaneous problems with Jerry solved and out of the way, he'll appreciate your critical compassion for him all the more. And don't feel the need to sell yourself short as a coward for his sake. You're far from it.