Particularly Looking for Feedback
Oct. 17th, 2005 01:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksLike the subject? I came up with it myself. If you can see this, it's intentional, so, yeah, y'know...
So, this here is locked deeper than 'Friends Only.' Which is rare for me, as 'Friends Only' is about as deep as I put anything at all, and it's usually just time-specific stuff that will gen Unlocked as soon as I go through my Journal with just such a purpose, which happens once or twice a year. I mean, this thing's up here so people can Know who I am, so what's the point is keeping things closed? I've nothing to hide. And this will probably be Unlocked in time, too.
There's a few people locked out of this. The group's currently named 'Romance-Free,' which is a misnomer, because it's the people who are Locked Out who don't get the romance.
No, that doesn't mean this is a 'mushy' filter, bear with me.
The most notable bit is that my friend Meghan is Locked Out of this, because how can I make my plans with her reading over my proverbial shoulder?
Let me es'plain. No, there's too much; let me sum up.
Meghan is a girl I met at Christendom last year. She was a Freshman, which puts her a year younger than Gene. Which puts her about the same age as Josh. Which puts her roughly two years older than Tina. For those who can't do the math, she's about 3 years younger than me, is all I'm saying. She went to Contra, and I danced with her, and we started a friendship and so on. I deduced and she confessed to having a crush on me, but... There were complications on my side. part of it was I didn't... 'feel' for her the way I'd felt for other girls, like Claire and Anastasiya and Jean. And I don't know how much 'feeling' should matter, but... Well, this was also all while I was stuck on Suzannah. Then, just before moving out here, Suzannah said she'd rather never hear from me again. I'd already made plans to have dinner with Meghan before I left, and we did, and it was a nice time and we stayed out well past 2am talking, and we hugged and said our good-byes. I think there were tears, but no before we were both in our cars, and you know me and my memory.
So I get out here, and Meghan suggests I join Ave Maria (that dating site I mentioned), and I do, and right off meet Tessa, who's pretty and nice, and we seem to get along well. Meanwhile, Meghan and I are talking still, about the potential of Us, and I have to say I like the idea, and I like Meghan, but I still don't *feel* whatever nameless thing I can't find. And now there's Tessa.
A couple days ago, Tessa sends me a message saying, in short, "You're a swell guy and I wish you luck, but I've met someone else and we have so much in common, so this will be the last you hear from me." (Which, yes, is painfully close to things with Suzannah; just enough to hurt a little).
I haven't been one to believe in coincidences since sometime in highschool, so I'm *trying* to take the hint. Which means that I'm probably going to suggest to Meghan that we make Official whatever it is that's between us. The trouble is, I won't ask her Online, because that's ridiculous. And we're 3,000 miles apart, which I guess isn't a death-mark right off, but it makes it... hard for me to conceptualize. What does it mean to Date someone across a continent from you? I'm afraid it will look too much like an 'internet-relationship,' which I've always had a disdain for. And like I said, I still don't 'feel' that which is missing. And while I don't really think 'feeling' is necessary, at least not right-off, I don't want to settle -- it wouldn't be fair to her, and it would cheapen the whole thing for me. And how can you know there's not a better fit out there if you aren't looking?
But we do have a lot in common, in areas that matter, and she knows me pretty well (though I might argue it's not difficult to know me). So, I don't know, I guess it's at least worth a shot.
And, as a nod, my buddies![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
quix and tiel just got engaged, which I guess is pertinent to the whole mood of this Post. Granted, he had, what, a 4-year headstart on me? But, yeah.
Congrats, by the by. ^_^
So, this here is locked deeper than 'Friends Only.' Which is rare for me, as 'Friends Only' is about as deep as I put anything at all, and it's usually just time-specific stuff that will gen Unlocked as soon as I go through my Journal with just such a purpose, which happens once or twice a year. I mean, this thing's up here so people can Know who I am, so what's the point is keeping things closed? I've nothing to hide. And this will probably be Unlocked in time, too.
There's a few people locked out of this. The group's currently named 'Romance-Free,' which is a misnomer, because it's the people who are Locked Out who don't get the romance.
No, that doesn't mean this is a 'mushy' filter, bear with me.
The most notable bit is that my friend Meghan is Locked Out of this, because how can I make my plans with her reading over my proverbial shoulder?
Let me es'plain. No, there's too much; let me sum up.
Meghan is a girl I met at Christendom last year. She was a Freshman, which puts her a year younger than Gene. Which puts her about the same age as Josh. Which puts her roughly two years older than Tina. For those who can't do the math, she's about 3 years younger than me, is all I'm saying. She went to Contra, and I danced with her, and we started a friendship and so on. I deduced and she confessed to having a crush on me, but... There were complications on my side. part of it was I didn't... 'feel' for her the way I'd felt for other girls, like Claire and Anastasiya and Jean. And I don't know how much 'feeling' should matter, but... Well, this was also all while I was stuck on Suzannah. Then, just before moving out here, Suzannah said she'd rather never hear from me again. I'd already made plans to have dinner with Meghan before I left, and we did, and it was a nice time and we stayed out well past 2am talking, and we hugged and said our good-byes. I think there were tears, but no before we were both in our cars, and you know me and my memory.
So I get out here, and Meghan suggests I join Ave Maria (that dating site I mentioned), and I do, and right off meet Tessa, who's pretty and nice, and we seem to get along well. Meanwhile, Meghan and I are talking still, about the potential of Us, and I have to say I like the idea, and I like Meghan, but I still don't *feel* whatever nameless thing I can't find. And now there's Tessa.
A couple days ago, Tessa sends me a message saying, in short, "You're a swell guy and I wish you luck, but I've met someone else and we have so much in common, so this will be the last you hear from me." (Which, yes, is painfully close to things with Suzannah; just enough to hurt a little).
I haven't been one to believe in coincidences since sometime in highschool, so I'm *trying* to take the hint. Which means that I'm probably going to suggest to Meghan that we make Official whatever it is that's between us. The trouble is, I won't ask her Online, because that's ridiculous. And we're 3,000 miles apart, which I guess isn't a death-mark right off, but it makes it... hard for me to conceptualize. What does it mean to Date someone across a continent from you? I'm afraid it will look too much like an 'internet-relationship,' which I've always had a disdain for. And like I said, I still don't 'feel' that which is missing. And while I don't really think 'feeling' is necessary, at least not right-off, I don't want to settle -- it wouldn't be fair to her, and it would cheapen the whole thing for me. And how can you know there's not a better fit out there if you aren't looking?
But we do have a lot in common, in areas that matter, and she knows me pretty well (though I might argue it's not difficult to know me). So, I don't know, I guess it's at least worth a shot.
And, as a nod, my buddies
quix and tiel just got engaged, which I guess is pertinent to the whole mood of this Post. Granted, he had, what, a 4-year headstart on me? But, yeah.Congrats, by the by. ^_^
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no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 09:02 pm (UTC)Well, what can I say? Emotion is a physical reaction, for the most part--it doesn't tell you much of everything. Love isn't an emotion, it's an act of the will. I'm sure you've heard this all before.
What is 3,000 miles? About $200, right?
"Long-distance Relationship" does not equal "Internet Relationship," besides which, there have been happy instances of either being successful.
How can you know what you've got isn't the best fit?
Can a dog be happy?
Do you know the muffin man?
Do you know the muffin man?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?