And what is left for me, then?

[jackofallgeeks]

Andrew,
This is a little note to say that I've enjoyed our friendship of the past year and a half, but I wish to end it. Perhaps this comes as a shock to you. I realize it must hurt, but I have to be honest with myself as well. I simply am not comfortable in our relationship, though I know it is not romantic at all. I wish to drop all contact; I know you will respect that. Please do not contact me in the future. I bear you no ill will and am sure you will be very successful in California. Please pray for me, as I do for you. God bless.
Suzannah


In case you're wondering, my governing emotion at the moment is not hurt, or loss, or lonliness, or sadness.
It's anger, deep and fierce and smoldering.

Comments

[surichan.livejournal.com]

...words fail me at the moment, but...

What. On earth. Could have been so terrible about the way your friendship was going to make her cut ties so coldly, so...completely?? It's cruel...and this is coming from someone who has cut ties with a person before, in writing...but never in the way, with as little heart, as she has done.

I'm so sorry, Andrew.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

What. On earth. Could have been so terrible

My thoughts exactly. And why couldn't she have said, even in this final letter, what was so bad? I feel cheated out of a proper explanation, and the more I think about it, the angrier it makes me. Just all the little, poke-y bits of it. It's not like I'm hard to contact. It's not like we didn't ever see each other. It's not like I didn't just fucking see her a week ago, when she might have said something to me in person.

I feel very angry, and cheated, and hurt. And sick. I think I'm going to vomit.

[mmeubiquitous.livejournal.com]

And here's the time. :(

First, I'm sorry. This sucks. And I know full well that what I'm about to say won't make it any easier. And I'm sorry about that too. It sucks.

I have been, on a number of occassions, in the position where I was receiving attentions from very nice men who clearly had feelings for me, but whose feelings I did not share. And I must tell you, its uncomfortable. I found myself microanalyzing everything I did to try not to lead them on, while at the same time not offending or hurting them. It made me very unhappy, and it made them very unhappy. It sucks, but that's the way these things are, unfortunately.

Oh, and incidentally, I've also been the one with the unrequited feelings, so the analysis of what goes on on the other side is not just guesswork...I've been there too.

Again, it sucks. Anything that's going to happen in such a situation has a *high* probability of suckage. That's just the way things are. But there are, in my experience, a few ways to minimize the suckage.

1) Please try not to be angry with her. I know it's difficult, but she's obviously trying very hard to be gentle, yet honest about what she needs.

2) Back off. Honestly, I wish I would have said this a while ago...it might have kept it from coming to this point. Respect her wishes. If she reestablishes contact, let her decide the pace. To throw in a cheesy analogy, its like holding water in your hands...you can't do it if you clench your fists.

I hope you won't be mad at me. I think you're a great guy, and I feel for you, I really do. I've just been through this so many times. And, well, if my pain lets me help others to deal or avoid their own, then it can't be all bad.

Hang in there. Pray. Everything will be fine. Maybe not in a way you might expect. But that's life.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

-smiles- I wish you'd said this sooner, too. Things would have been easier. Or at least... -shrugs- What's done is done.

I'm not angry with you; in truth, I think very highly of you for this bit. -smiles- It's very hard not to be angry with her, though... I just feel very cheated by the way she laid it. I can't explain adequately the detailed bits of it, and maybe as you seem to say there's no way for me to not feel cheated, but...

Right now, I feel very tired. And physically ill.

[mmeubiquitous.livejournal.com]

*hug* I know it's hard. And it will take time. It might help to remember that in all likelihood this is very painful for her as well, and she's not trying to hurt you.

If it's any consolation, I had a similar falling out with someone with whom I am now on very good terms (I was in your position in that one. I remember the feeling of physical illness. I remember screaming at the phone after he told me he wanted no contact and we hung up). So things can get better. But you can't force them. Would that it were that easy.

*hug* Take care of yourself, Andrew. Let me know if I can help in any way.

.....

[xenu.livejournal.com]

....oh.
Andrew.