And I Do Not Want This

[jackofallgeeks]

You asked for a break, and I've granted you it.

I fear I behaved poorly, and for that I'm sorry.

I think you have treated me unkindly.

I honored your request, but it hurts, and I can't do it anymore.

You said you weren't angry with me and you didn't hate me.

I just want to try over again.

Half the people I've talked to tell me to talk to her as soon as I can, because it's just postponing the inevitable otherwise.
Half the people I've talked to tell me to hold off a little bit, give her the space she asked for, and it'll work out the best in the end.
I decided a while ago, before talking to anyone, that I'd give her the semester, and settle this in the summer after classes have ended. And it is and has been against my nature to change my will once it has been set. I won't leave for California without knowing where she and I stand, and I'd like to have a chance to rebuild our relationship over the remaining months I'm here.

I don't want to be angry or sad when I talk to her, either. I don't want to plead or accuse. I want to be calm, collected, state the facts, and get things mended.

Sorry if I disappoint you, Emily. I am dealing with it, and I will resolve it, one way or another. I hope for one way, but it'll be resolved regardless.

The best thing that happened today was that it rained. I wish I'd gotten out into it more, and it's just soothing, but it was still nice.

The second best thing that happened today was Brittany told me that she, Alyce, and Becky are going to be here in DC on Saturday, and that I should go out and see them, which I have every intention of doing. Then our phones had a falling out and stopped speaking to each other.

Comments

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

Well, I could try an explain it to you sometime, if you'd like.

And, technically I called her, but yes, I'm really looking forward to seeing you ladies, as well.  ^_^

[bluegrave.livejournal.com]

If you want hun, I don't want to dredge up anything that would upset you.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

-laughs- If anything, talking has a way of soothing me.
And you can hardly 'dredge up' something that's floating on the surface.