And I Do Not Want This

[jackofallgeeks]

You asked for a break, and I've granted you it.

I fear I behaved poorly, and for that I'm sorry.

I think you have treated me unkindly.

I honored your request, but it hurts, and I can't do it anymore.

You said you weren't angry with me and you didn't hate me.

I just want to try over again.

Half the people I've talked to tell me to talk to her as soon as I can, because it's just postponing the inevitable otherwise.
Half the people I've talked to tell me to hold off a little bit, give her the space she asked for, and it'll work out the best in the end.
I decided a while ago, before talking to anyone, that I'd give her the semester, and settle this in the summer after classes have ended. And it is and has been against my nature to change my will once it has been set. I won't leave for California without knowing where she and I stand, and I'd like to have a chance to rebuild our relationship over the remaining months I'm here.

I don't want to be angry or sad when I talk to her, either. I don't want to plead or accuse. I want to be calm, collected, state the facts, and get things mended.

Sorry if I disappoint you, Emily. I am dealing with it, and I will resolve it, one way or another. I hope for one way, but it'll be resolved regardless.

The best thing that happened today was that it rained. I wish I'd gotten out into it more, and it's just soothing, but it was still nice.

The second best thing that happened today was Brittany told me that she, Alyce, and Becky are going to be here in DC on Saturday, and that I should go out and see them, which I have every intention of doing. Then our phones had a falling out and stopped speaking to each other.

Comments

[bluegrave.livejournal.com]

I hate to say that I don’t quite understand the situation as it stands, only a vague ghosting of it, and for that I am sorry as I haven’t spoken to you much at all.
For the second, I’m very happy that Brittany called you and that we’ll be able to see you when we’re down. It makes me look forward to Saturday even more knowing that you’re going to be there too. ^^

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

Well, I could try an explain it to you sometime, if you'd like.

And, technically I called her, but yes, I'm really looking forward to seeing you ladies, as well.  ^_^

[bluegrave.livejournal.com]

If you want hun, I don't want to dredge up anything that would upset you.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

-laughs- If anything, talking has a way of soothing me.
And you can hardly 'dredge up' something that's floating on the surface.

[dikaiosunh.livejournal.com]

I also don't know the whole sitch, but if you're taking unsolicited advice... 99% of the time, however bad letting things rest is, picking at them with someone who has already said s/he need space/time makes them worse.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's been my reasoning this whole time, better to leave things be and pick them up when the smoke clears than pick at an already irritated situation. My cousin told me how she was in a similar spot once, but on the other side, and things would have been fine if the guy had just left her alone for a while. So... -shrugs-

[shibatim.livejournal.com]

Amazingly enough...I have nothing say here...I know nether how I would take care of such a situation nor how I am...Yeah, I'm more or less going through the same thing...I don't know, life is confuzeing...I need my laptop...

What?

[emily91183.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure what is going on ... I feel like I missed a lot, even in only a few short days. You know me ... unavailable all weekend ... but I've got some free time coming up, so let me know if you ever want to talk. I really don't like these entries where you seem miserable.

Re: What?

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

-smiles- I wasn't really all that miserable when I posted that. At least, I don't think I was.
Nothing happened, really. In fact, that's exactly why I think you'd be disappointed, because nothing did happen. -smirk-
But anyways...

Re: What?

[emily91183.livejournal.com]

Well, I wasn't even sure that I was the Emily you were talking about.

I'm not disappointed, so much, since that was what I expected to happen, I guess.

And the whole list of things that began this entry was a little odd.

Re: What?

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

-smirk- What other Emily would I be talking to? -grins-
And that list of things is just me trying to sort out for myself what the facts are.