The Morning After

[jackofallgeeks]

So, news in the life of me.

Class registration really snuck up on me. Everything went smoothly, though -- I'm signed up for Senior Design, Cryptography, Theories of Ethics, Human Biology, and General Psychology. That last is just something I've been interested in taking since Freshman year, and I don't need it to graduate, so if it's less than thrilling, I'll just drop it.

A few days ago, Suzannah and I were talking through email, and I mentioned how I'd been down about things. She asked if I wanted to talk about it, and so I pretty much gave her the whole run down -- mostly just general feelings of lethargy, frustration, and disapointment, but I also said how I was wrestling with my feelings for her. She suggested we get together and talk about stuff, and so I'm going out Friday to see her on Friday night. -shrugs- I don't know what I expect, or what I *should* expect, but I guess it makes me feel better just that she cares.

I got word back yesterday about the scholarship I applied for. The bad news is, I didn't get it. The good news is that the reason I didn't get it is that this was the application for Jan '05, not Aug '05. The even better news is that apparently the Selection Committee was really impressed with my application, I would have gotten the scholarship if I were graduating this winter, and I expect to have little trouble getting it for this coming fall.

I'm sick of politics. I'm sick of the way it's polarized this nation, how no one is a person in the eyes of politics, just Us or Them. I'm sick of how people have lost sight of what the election process is supposed to accomplish, and I'm sick of the way it's divided people so viciously. I'm sick of how friends feel they must distance themselves because of political leanings. I'm sick of how everyone has an attitude of impending doom, and I'm sick of how neither side will concede that the other has a valid point. I won't say who I voted for, partly because I could have gone either way (I can see both sides here), partly because it really doesn't matter (the election is over, and my part has been played), and partly because it's frankly no one's business. I have a set of values and priorities, and anyone who knows me should be able to figure out what that set is. I am a full person, and I'd like it if I were seen as such, not just some politically-aligned entity.

And I'm sick of ranting.

Most of all, though, I'm discouraged. I recognize that, on a lot of points, me and my friends disagree. And for the most part, I'm OK with that. But all of the carrying-ons over this election just accentuates it all, and some of the venom with which my friends have decried The Others stings pretty hard -- because for each one, on at least one point (if not more), I am The Other. I don't like what the implications of that might be.

The only thing worse than the feeling that your friends are not people you'd like to associate with is the feeling that you are not someone your friends want to associate with.

Comments

[mmeubiquitous.livejournal.com]

I hear you. I was curious which way you went because I was wondering if anything I said in my response to your post a while back made any sense and/or difference. But I can sympathize with just wanting it to be over and done.

I rant a lot, as you may have noticed (if you actually read any of my stuff). Most of the time I don't really want to, because 99% of my friends disagree with what I believe, sometimes violently. And I hate arguing, hate disagreement, because I have a pathological need to be liked. But I have a stronger (and probably more pathological :)) need to fight for what I think is right, what I think is good. And that gets me into a lot of trouble. And I often wonder if these people are really my friends, or even if they should be my friends, if they hold in such contempt the things that are so important to me.

Anyway. That's just the long way of saying "I hear you." You're not the only one dealing with this, by any stretch.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

See, I do like arguing, in a civil and intelligent manner. I don't mind disagreement, either, but I think it should be productive, rather than destructive the way it seems to be so very often. I suppose I have a need to be liked (I think we all do), but even more so, I have a need to be understood. I don't really care so much if someone likes me or not, so much as that it's based on a real understanding of who I am. I would almost rather someone honestly dislike me than like me mistakenly.

I wonder the same thing about my circle of friends, all too often, and I hae it. These are people I really care about and admire. i don't like some of the implications that come up.

[mordainlove.livejournal.com]

i still want to associate with you, andrew. you and i are at such opposite points but ... that doesn't stop me from wanting to be your friend. i would hope it wouldn't stop you from wanting to be mine, despite such vast differences.

nobody is ever going to have the same view. not on these sorts of things. i think as a whole, the entire world would be better off if we tried to get along and strive for a common goal instead of making it about this thing or that in such a way that it feels like everyone is at a loss.

why should any of it be about winning or losing, anyway?

i'm really tired of the political stuff. i don't like people fighting over it. and yeah, i admit that i'm scared to death about what the outcome will mean for the future... and really, i shouldn't ever have to be scared of something like that, ever .... but that doesn't mean i want to sit around fighting about i, either, especially with friends. i don't want to lose my friends over such a thing because in the end, what purpose would that serve?

gah... i have a headache.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

Though we do hold differences, probably vast and many, I think we have a lot of commonalities, too. I haven't ever wanted to stop being your friend, even over the long silences and disappearances, and my affection for you isn't going to end here, either. in fact, it's my affection for my friends that makes things like this so trying.

The trouble is that, even in striving toward some common good, we would all have different ideas of what that common good is, and how to get there. That's WHY there are the political parties, anyways, because different people think the show should be run different ways. The trouble is when people lose sight of the real goal, when they deny that The Others have any redeeming quality, and they get into a Team Mentality. It shouldn't be about winning or losing, it should be about succeeeding in our common endeavor, and that's why I liked the Presidential debates -- for the most part, they were civil. For the most part, it was "My opponent has some ideas, but I can do better." And THAT's what it should be. Not one side or the other, not my team or yours, but the nation as a whole.

[queenofstripes.livejournal.com]

You'll notice I didn't drop you, hon. <3 I don't think we've got a lot of commonality in terms of politics. In fact, I just really don't think we should talk about politics, and that's a warning, not an offer. ;) But I've always found you to be a gently spoken and decent person, and frankly, I've had to drive off so many conservative-leaning people whom I felt didn't listen or respect my ideas... it's kinda vital to me to have a few people closer to that side of the spectrum with whom I can talk. I'm not going anywhere, and I don't hate you.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Ms. Vixen just made me feel all warm and bubbly inside.
Seriously, though, I have and do rather admire you, and I think it's a shame that we don't often directly interact (though it seems we both read each other's posts regularly enough...). I think I do hold a lot of views, politically and otherwise, that we would not share in common, and some that I think might be rather contentious points between us; even at that, I almost wish we would discuss them at some point. I like to imagine that I can recognize valid points, and disagree maturely, though I'm afraid one or both of us might take it too personally: I've always been told i'm over-sensitive.

but you're always welcome here, and i'm glad you don't hate me.  ^_^;;

[ofthelily.livejournal.com]

You know that adore you no matter what way you swing.... er that sounds funny *^^*

But seriously if you can't over look some's political views when it comes to friendship that is just stupid. Look at brittany and me (which is funny since the icon i am using is of brittany and me *^^*) she is my best friend and we voted for different peoples and I still love her. Politics has nothing to do with how you choose your friends.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

You know, I've tried swinging this way, or that way, or in circles, but really, I just gotta be me.

I care about you very strongly, Alyce; you are a very dear friend. And it's not so much over-looking political opinions, as realizing that they're just that. A person is more than the sum of their political ideas, and I firmly believe that with maturity and respect, we can all disagree, and even argue, civilly. There's no reason why even heated opponents must be enemies.

Anyways, I just get discouraged by all the shit and venom floating around; hatred and ill-will are not things I deal with very well, I suppose, be they directed at me or others.

[metis2be.livejournal.com]

I hope I didn't offend you, I was just wondering. One thing is I don't really care about a persons views, just as long as they have a reason for having them.

And you know I'll always love you! (Just as long as you never sleep with my friends)

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

No, you didn't offend me, I hope I didn't come off offended. As I said, there's just no point in saying who I voted for; best case it's pointless, worst case it's divisive.