Life, Love, and Toothpicks...
May. 12th, 2004 01:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksSo I was thinking a while ago about what it is I look for in a Girl... Mike and I spoke for a bit about it today... a girl, he said, needs to be a friend, a room mate, and a lover. A tall order, he said. I think I would tend to agree with him, on both counts (what we want a girl to be, and that it's a lot to ask).
I've said it enough before, and I think I'll say it again, as it's what I was thinking before I spoke with Mike. I need a girl who I can Love. A girl who will be an outlet for my affection. I feel as though I'm physically bursting with affection, but it isn't appropriate to express it, fully, to anyone... I need someone who I don't need to hold back with, I think. Maybe that's even more to ask than Mike's request.
My friend Nifer once said that people are basically selfish, and that everything someone does boils down to a selfish desire. She even reduced a will to do what's Right as a selfish desire, and in the face of that sort of logic there's very little one can argue. still, I think I am a very selfish person. It haunts me. Even my love is a selfish love; I must needs be affectionate, and those I love are an outlet for my affection.
There has been a definition for Love that I've encountered a number of times, and which I hold rather highly. That is, Love is not an emotion or a state of mind, but an act of the will. A conscious action, something you choose to do, not something you happen to feel or tend to think. The trouble is that the willing is willing another's good before your own; that you would have another be happy, even if it means suffering for you. In a few cases, I might be able to claim something close to this definition. I don't know if I'm really capable of this sort of Love. I fear that, whoever She is, I won't be able to Love her enough as to have Her leave me, if need be.
I've said it enough before, and I think I'll say it again, as it's what I was thinking before I spoke with Mike. I need a girl who I can Love. A girl who will be an outlet for my affection. I feel as though I'm physically bursting with affection, but it isn't appropriate to express it, fully, to anyone... I need someone who I don't need to hold back with, I think. Maybe that's even more to ask than Mike's request.
My friend Nifer once said that people are basically selfish, and that everything someone does boils down to a selfish desire. She even reduced a will to do what's Right as a selfish desire, and in the face of that sort of logic there's very little one can argue. still, I think I am a very selfish person. It haunts me. Even my love is a selfish love; I must needs be affectionate, and those I love are an outlet for my affection.
There has been a definition for Love that I've encountered a number of times, and which I hold rather highly. That is, Love is not an emotion or a state of mind, but an act of the will. A conscious action, something you choose to do, not something you happen to feel or tend to think. The trouble is that the willing is willing another's good before your own; that you would have another be happy, even if it means suffering for you. In a few cases, I might be able to claim something close to this definition. I don't know if I'm really capable of this sort of Love. I fear that, whoever She is, I won't be able to Love her enough as to have Her leave me, if need be.
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Date: 2004-05-13 03:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-13 04:03 am (UTC)And thanks for the Fashionably Late birthday wishes thingy. Much appreciated. ^_^
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Date: 2004-05-13 03:32 pm (UTC)