It's That Time Of The Month Again...
Jan. 24th, 2002 05:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksI've been thinking too dam much these past couple of days. Not about anything in particular, rather, more like everything in general. My head feels like it's going to burst, and I end the day confused and disoriented. I feel like I want to hit something, or maybe break something is more appropriate. I think I should maybe invest in a punching bad. I wonder if I'd ever use it.
I think, maybe, it's not so much thinking, as I feel like I'm under alot of stress. I don't know that I AM under alot of stress, but I feel like I am. And, in a sense, isn't one just the other? It'd prolly be a mix of stresses, from work and school and Lord only knows what else.
I said that I hadn't been thinking about anything in particular, but I think I'd have to argue that. You know, like I was confusing myself, or misleading myself. You ever have that - where it feels like you're mind's trying to outsmart you? There is one thing that's rather been fraying my nerves recently, and it's the same thing that's been etching on my mind for weeks now: The Twins. I sent each of them a letter a few days ago, and I've seen each of them on and offline since. Still, no replies. i'm sure there's a reason, other than they hate me. I'm sure of it. But the reassurance is lacking. I saw Becky online while I was at work, and she'd been sitting there for a while, so I thought I might IM her, t'say "hi" and maybe talk. Sadly, just as I IMed her, she got off - not in response to the IM, mind you, just bad timing. But bad timing or not, it's still frustrating.
And it bugs me that I have to come off as such an annoying little bug to these two. I mean, I don't know that they find me annoying, and I rather hope they don't, but think about it. I desperately want to be friends with them, the way we used to be before I moved, but I never get a chance to talk with them. I'm dreadfully afraid of drifting apart from them, so I try to say hi whenever I can, you know, let them know I'm still here, I guess. But I must come off as some kind of a creep who's ALWAYS there to bother them. It's so frustrating and discouraging, because I don't want to be so (I guess pushy's a good word) pushy about it, but I'm afraid that if I let up, that'll be it, and they'll go the way of oh so many friends I've had in my life, you know?
*Sigh* One more day. One more flipping day, and then Claire will be here, and I can relax, and unwind, and be comfortable again.
I still want to hit something.
I think, maybe, it's not so much thinking, as I feel like I'm under alot of stress. I don't know that I AM under alot of stress, but I feel like I am. And, in a sense, isn't one just the other? It'd prolly be a mix of stresses, from work and school and Lord only knows what else.
I said that I hadn't been thinking about anything in particular, but I think I'd have to argue that. You know, like I was confusing myself, or misleading myself. You ever have that - where it feels like you're mind's trying to outsmart you? There is one thing that's rather been fraying my nerves recently, and it's the same thing that's been etching on my mind for weeks now: The Twins. I sent each of them a letter a few days ago, and I've seen each of them on and offline since. Still, no replies. i'm sure there's a reason, other than they hate me. I'm sure of it. But the reassurance is lacking. I saw Becky online while I was at work, and she'd been sitting there for a while, so I thought I might IM her, t'say "hi" and maybe talk. Sadly, just as I IMed her, she got off - not in response to the IM, mind you, just bad timing. But bad timing or not, it's still frustrating.
And it bugs me that I have to come off as such an annoying little bug to these two. I mean, I don't know that they find me annoying, and I rather hope they don't, but think about it. I desperately want to be friends with them, the way we used to be before I moved, but I never get a chance to talk with them. I'm dreadfully afraid of drifting apart from them, so I try to say hi whenever I can, you know, let them know I'm still here, I guess. But I must come off as some kind of a creep who's ALWAYS there to bother them. It's so frustrating and discouraging, because I don't want to be so (I guess pushy's a good word) pushy about it, but I'm afraid that if I let up, that'll be it, and they'll go the way of oh so many friends I've had in my life, you know?
*Sigh* One more day. One more flipping day, and then Claire will be here, and I can relax, and unwind, and be comfortable again.
I still want to hit something.
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no subject
You'll make it one more day, of course, and things will get better and this will not be the most pressing thing in your mind this weekend. As for the stress... it sounds silly... but a large mug of tension tamer tea REALLY does the job. Add some honey and sugar and it's a great way to destress your mind, espevially before going to bed. I need at least one each day or I'm just a little beyond normal fatigue.
17 hours until departure v_v...
Date: 2002-01-24 07:16 pm (UTC)HOW many people wanna kick some ass?
Date: 2002-01-24 09:01 pm (UTC)'Till then, I guess you've got your tried-and-true laying in the dark listening to dark music bit goin' for you, hm? Best of luck with it.
And you're not annoying. Or pushy. Cocky as hell sometimes, maybe, but annoying or pushy...never.
But I'm Really Just A Sensitive Artist
Date: 2002-01-24 09:34 pm (UTC)"Cocky as hell sometimes, maybe, but annoying or pushy...never."
I think I shall take that as a compliment. "Cocky as hell." I think I like it.
I think I would like to take a Martial Art, though that would require time and money that I don't currently have. Mayhaps next year. Or this summer. Hmmmmm.
On a somber note, though, I'm afraid that sometimes when I try talking with the Twins, I'm not myself. I mean, in person, yeah, I'm fine, but we already saw how I handled that letter, and... if i'm not in person then I just feel fake, with them. You guys all get to see me as I am, in the Journal, in person, mostly anytime you're in contact with me. But with them...And that bugs me, you know? I hate being fake - I do believe I played that game for 15 or so years, and I'm not much into delving there again.
...So sing another song about bashin' someone's head in...
Date: 2002-01-24 09:47 pm (UTC)As for your somber note...maybe in your attempts to not annoy the Twins (aka ingratiate yourself to them), you're overextending yourself, therefore trying too hard, therefore being fake? Maybe what you need to try doing (assuming you're not already), is what you do with us: just let loose and not care. I know it's hard, since you're more comfortable with us...I dunno, I'm just throwin' stuff out there, 'cause I hate it when you get mad at yourself.
And always remember...
BOXERS!! ^_^
"Abby... something." "Oh, Abby Something?" "Abby... normal."
Especially about the boxers.
(Seriously... you seem easy going, Andrew.. just let that take center stage. I mean... what, you've been on my friends list... 2-3 weeks? Not even that? And we get along fine and talk normally (if not more so). I'm sure you can do it as easily with them, like Leslie said. Hehe... she's the wise Gandalf of LJ, ne?)
no subject
Date: 2002-01-25 04:58 am (UTC)