Seeing Red

I'm frustrated. Really frustrated.
So frustrated, infact, that I want to scream.
Or hit something. Or cry. Or something. Or everything.
( Or nothing. )

In The End, it doesn't even matter...

So, last night Trevor asked how my weekend with Claire had gone. Naturally enough, I was inclined to relive those few days, and I brought it to mind and told him about it. It was really nice, but I didn't tell him everything. I didn't tell him how it felt to hold her, or lay my head on her shoulder. Or what it was like at Williamsburg with her arm around me. I did tell him I wish we were still together.

He asked if it was awkward, and I said 'of course not.' And it's the truth. It's never awkward when she and I are together, and I think that's mostly her doing. It gets very awkward when we're apart, at least for me. I just... cycle through the same things over and over, and when I can't find satisfactory answers to the same questions again and again, it gets me down.

Everyone and their brother seems to want a piece of my personal life, it seems. Trevor went on and touched just about every point that I've considered for the past four or five months. He meant well, but didn't bring up anything new.

Trevor's dad is a Catholic. He got a dispensation in order to marry in the Episcopalian Church. That's not what I want for my kids. But even at that, it's not just a matter of me accepting Episcopaliansm. Claire would have to accept Catholicsm. Much as I've considered it, I couldn't simply 'convert' for no more reason than the girl I love is of that religion. I would feel like a traitor to myself. And... I have to decide exactly what it is I want with my life, and with my family. And perhaps, love her as I do, Claire can't fulfill that. Sometimes you can't have what you want.

-hugs knees to chest-
I just want Claire to love me again.

School -- It Has Begun.

Well, let's see. Classes started t'day. They were alright. My DiffEQ proffessor seems to be a nice guy, and Programming Languages could be interesting. I have Abe on Monday nights, though. It's a smaller class, but I still don't think I'm going to enjoy his class. Need to get my books tomorrow, and look around Campus for a job.

Been feeling a little down recently, but gotta talk with Leslie durring Lunch, and it was good t'chat. Also talked with Amanda, and she made me feel better.  ^_^;;  Poor girl has it in her head that I'm a funny guy. Also talked with Sara, who's glad Amanda and I are getting along friendly-like. She's also a bit lost in that e-mail contact with Leslie has, well, not been. (By the By, Resuri, she says 'hi.') Also talked with Nifer, who I consider a great friend though I haven't seen her in quite some time. For all the effort she puts in, I still think she's a good girl at heart, and she truely is my inspiration to write, even if just because I LOVE her style.

Anyways, I prolly have stuff to do. Or something.
( Sometimes, I like Monique. )

I laugh for days and days

Andrew: LOL You pretty much got it. We were talking and it was more or less "I think you two would get along." And I had always thought you were cute. ^_~
Amanda: and that would make me a great conversationalist
Andrew: LOL Say again?
Amanda: nothing.
Andrew: LOL What, that you're cute? LOL
Andrew: LOL
Andrew: In some sense, perhapse it would, at that. LOL

No one else will catch the joke, though...