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Mar. 16th, 2003 09:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksLouis' Comment.
Being with my friends, doing something where I feel I'm accomplishing something, these things make me feel better. They make me feel worthwile. it's not that i don't like who I am, it's not that I don't think i'm worth something on my own merit. It's not that I need someone to constantly tell me i'm not a waste. But my deepest fear is being alone. I don't need somweone romantically. Yes, we all want to be loved, but I'll be the first to say that love doesn't have to be romantic. Spending a day with Aaron or Louis charges me as much as being with Claire or Amanda. I'm just really people oriented.
I didn't claim to be living for someone else, as Louis seemed to imply. I don't think it's possible, really, to dedicate your whole being towards someone else. What I meant by 'the people who make life living' was the people I feel connected to. My friends. Not the random people on the street, or the ass-holes that pop up now and again, but the people who are really worth it...
Yeah, i'm not making any sense. That's half my trouble tonight -- I don't know what's wrong. I don't know what the problem is. I just feel 'off' and I don't know how to fix it. I'm in the worst mood I've been in for a long time, and I can't really say why. That's my problem.
And now, I'm going to go and start that book. I've been meaning to, anyways, and if I'm going to get in bed before midnight, I should get to it.
Being with my friends, doing something where I feel I'm accomplishing something, these things make me feel better. They make me feel worthwile. it's not that i don't like who I am, it's not that I don't think i'm worth something on my own merit. It's not that I need someone to constantly tell me i'm not a waste. But my deepest fear is being alone. I don't need somweone romantically. Yes, we all want to be loved, but I'll be the first to say that love doesn't have to be romantic. Spending a day with Aaron or Louis charges me as much as being with Claire or Amanda. I'm just really people oriented.
I didn't claim to be living for someone else, as Louis seemed to imply. I don't think it's possible, really, to dedicate your whole being towards someone else. What I meant by 'the people who make life living' was the people I feel connected to. My friends. Not the random people on the street, or the ass-holes that pop up now and again, but the people who are really worth it...
Yeah, i'm not making any sense. That's half my trouble tonight -- I don't know what's wrong. I don't know what the problem is. I just feel 'off' and I don't know how to fix it. I'm in the worst mood I've been in for a long time, and I can't really say why. That's my problem.
And now, I'm going to go and start that book. I've been meaning to, anyways, and if I'm going to get in bed before midnight, I should get to it.
