Alone

[jackofallgeeks]

Her knees shook and then finally gave out beneath her. She dropped heavily into the couch, staring blankly at the door in front of her. The sound of it's gentle closing rang harshly in her ears. He left me, she thought. He just left me. Her throat caught now; her eyes burned. She had done so well up until now. She hadn't really believed he would leave. Unconsciously she gripped her knees. Her hands were shaking, and she was feeling light-headed. Doesn't he know how well we fit? Doesn't he know ...? She half expected him to walk back in the door, with that look on his face, the look he got when he was feeling foolish. She couldn't believe he was really gone. What do I do now? She could hear his soft voice inside her head. What am I supposed to do without him? Doesn't he know how much I need him? A single teardrop seared a hot line down her cheek. She cried for a very long time.

Comments

[ofthelily.livejournal.com]

*sniff sniff* how sad. well written, but sad!

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think most of my works (http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=roliasnoom&itemid=148860) are like that.
To a great extent, I think I wrote prose in the same way many people write poetry. -nods-

[otakulk.livejournal.com]

do you remember that scene in jurrasic park?

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

Uhm, no, actually. Which would that be?

[starlight1184.livejournal.com]

Oh!! A topic I love... tragic love. :-)

My opinions:
- I think it would be more powerful if you spent more time on really describing what was happening to this girl physically, and less time trying to put monumental feelings into words, b/c words rarely do that kind of thought justice. Something to think about, take it or leave it.

- I love the tear drop line.

- I love your first line. :-) Very nice.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

Oooo, something I can work with...

-First, I agree. Words can never accurately state how one feels -- it's a difficult I've come across quite a bit. However, the real driving-force for this scene is the girl's thoughts and desperation. You mentioned concentrating more on what's physically happening to her -- I assume you mean like the tightening of her throat et al? What would you suggest I try?

-Second, yeah, those were two of my particular favorites, as well.  ^_^

Why be a Dick

[(Anonymous)]

If you truly wish to be original, don't take the pain and suffering from someone who cried on your shoulder and post it for all to see. You surely have something in your life to write about, maybe your high school sweetheart, or your girl in VA Beach. Either way, violating someones trust and posting their pain for all to see is just lame. You really need to evaluate how you view your friends, and how they view you. If you had a heart at all you would never have posted something like this at all, and you would never have used her pain in this manner.

Friend, I think not. Friends would never do such a thing. Use your head man, and if you disagree, get my IM from Pala. But take it from me, you do yourself no favors, nor do you merit your writing by stealing the emotion from another.

Sola

Re: Why be a Dick

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

This post is far more personal than you or anyone can quite imagine. If anyone can read themselves into this passage, then it only shows how universal the situation is.
It's not about you. It's not about her.
You make the assumption that it's not about me.