Confessions

[jackofallgeeks]

OK, I'm going to say a few things that I've been meaning to say, but I always get to emotional, and that just taints my words.

First, I miss Claire. I miss what we had, and I miss knowing that she cares. It hurts that I don't feel like she wants me around anymore - and if not, that's fine, things change. But it still hurts. For what it's worth, I am making a concious effort to move on (as you might notice from my posts) and I've decided that as much as Claire is a wonderful girl, and is the girl I want, there are some things I need that she can't provide, and I'm sure it's a mutual condition. She still means alot to me, and I'm just afraid I'll lose another friend. ... I'm getting emotional, we move on...

Second, I feel neglected, in general, but I don't want to say so because it sounds too much like I'm feeling sorry for myself. I know you all have your own lives, and I don't expect anything. It's just they you all ARE by dearest friends, and so when I don't get an e-mail, or IMs, or comments from you for a while... ::Shrugs:: I get into a funk. I know I'm not the best at keeping in touch, either, but...

Thirdly, I don't want to make a Judgement on The Collective, Beth, Rae, and Leslie, but I do think that they need more proactive time apart. I think recent events (read: Logan and Teal and such) are a grand step in the right direction. I don't want to see any of you, I donno, get messed up or something. Right, that makes sense.

Additionally, and again I mean not to judge, but I find the situation concerning Paul unbearable. I agree he's an ass, a slacker, a jerk-off, and a complete loser. But that having been said, I don't see any reason for bashing him or even nessisarily letting him get under your skin. So what if he's rude, that's his own problem, and it shall be his downfall if not corrected. But in a way, I can't help but see everything I hated in 4th and 5th grade embodied in the attacks my friends make on him - behind his back perhaps even worse than to his face - and I don't like seeing my friends in that position. I just think there's a better way to handle the situation, somewhere.

Thanks, this has really helped me out, I think. I need just to be more honest about myself and my feelings, maybe. You all are my dearest friends, and I miss you. ^_^;;

I go now, before I get fluffy.

Comments

[dreamingaloud.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry if I'm part of making you feel neglected in any way - as always, that's never my intention with anyone... it's rather a defense mode that I go into where I just stop talking. Hard to believe, isn't it? Mel not talking? Yeah, I know. Almost sounds like I'm fibbing. But I'm not. Bottom line is that even when I don't actually say anything... I'm still saying it in my head. So imagine a hello when there is not one and you've got it. Imagine me painting your house neon pink and HEY! you're right on. ^__~ No, wait... the deal was one room on the INSIDE. Sorry... ::giggles and hides a huge paintbrush covered in neon pink paint::

It's good to get your feelings/thoughts out somewhere. I've learned the very hard way that when you shove everything inside (as I tend to do more than everyone even notes) ... you can actually cause yourself to be really sick, nevermind the toll it takes on your fragile mental status. It's a weight that nobody should have to carry alone all of the time... even though we may choose to. Twisted creatures, us humans. ^__^;;; And aside from that, you often make very valid points when you talk. I said often, not always. ^____~;;;;;;

(Remember: Mel loves you! =^____^=)

[surichan.livejournal.com]

Firstly, thank you for your thoughts. I would agree that proactive time apart is good for us, as friends should be able to go off and do things by themselves or with other people. This is a very good thing.

I'm sorry about the lack of communication...I'm piss-poor at keeping in touch with anyone I'm not physically able to see. I do try to comment when I find something comment-worthy...and I've even been trying to get on AIM some more, just to talk with you.

As for the Paul situation - and this is not to come across offensive - if it bothers you, stop reading my entries. I will not stop complaining about him, because I find the complaining to be cathartic. I know it can be seen as petty and would be better served said right to his face, but it is my journal that I'm writing in, and I retain the right to be petty and not say certain things to someone's face. The fact of the matter remains that, while you may have the remarkable ability of not allowing bothersome things to get under your skin, I unfortunately do not.

Also, if you read my entry today, you'll notice that we are trying to handle this situation in a better way - by having the teacher talk with him about his behavior and hopefully have him correct it. If that doesn't work, I intend to say something to him myself.

Again, thank you for your thoughts. I do hope you feel better now.

Excellent song, by the by. ^___^

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

As for your comment on the Paul situation - I do understand how cathartic griping can be, and I do honestly believe you have every right to say whatever you like on your journal. These were things I was afraid to say, for several reasons, and this one inparticular because I don't want you to judiciously block me from your Journal. It is my own decision to read it, and in this post here I simply meant to express my opinionms and feelings on the matter.

As for things not getting under my skin, a post I plan on putting up later might change your mind there - it's not that things don't prick me, only that different things do.

As a final note, my LJ's been weird, and I often don't see updates to my friend's page until several hours after the fact. In this case, my post was up before I read your entry, and I believe my comment will convey my agreement. I can't pick out the difference, but there's something there that I didn't find in the others, something who's lack took me back, as I said, to 4th and 5th grade.
BUT, I think it's wonderful that you plan on taking action. Going to the Teacher with your issue is the best step, in my opinion, though if that doesn't work, I highly suggest that "break his jaw" bit. ^__^

[starlight1184.livejournal.com]

Well darlin... you know me... as soon as I am back into my normal busy-but-not-quite-so-busy-as-it-is-now life-style, you'll be hearing from me. :-) I hope that my few random cell phone calls have done something (even if it is ranting my ass off to you...)...

Love ya much darlin. And remember... we get almost a whole week in November! :-)