Thoughts on My Last Post
Sep. 24th, 2002 02:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksAfter that last post, I sat for a moment and wrote a reflection on it,
intending perhaps to wait some 24 hours that I might post it as
a certain explaination. I turned my computer off and got in bed.
I never could leave well enough alone...
It's a selfish cry for help - a young boy crying out because he skinned his knee. It was meant to say everything without telling anything. Truely, I think that's as artistic as I get - as close to poetry as I come. It was meant to convey emotion without betraying particulars. In the end, perhaps you'll understand, but you'll only see what's been right infront of you the whole time.
It was selfish. I would almost say it was uncalled for. Infact, I would have instantly removed it, and I would take it down right now, if not for the fact that it is exactly how I feel, or as close as words can come.
It was selfish. There are those of you out there who should not see it - not because I wish to hide anything, but because I fear it will trouble you, and the last thing I would ever intend is to trouble you. And yet, it is to those people that I write it. It is they who I want to talk to, NEED to talk to, but I feel I can't. The one's who shouldn't have to see it, the ones I would spare the first, are the ones who MUST see it. I don't know what else to say.
It was selfish.
I would like to note that shortly after writing that post, I laughed. Not for anything related to it, but because me and my room mate were joking around, and he actually said something witty. Moments before he was being an ass, crossed the line, and I fell into one of my few public displays of seriousness. It seems I may be developing a reputation for being dark and brooding. That's not me. It's a part of me, but no more or less than the goof-ball I KNOW you all know I am. I can't be anything more or less than what I am - I quit playing that game a long time ago.
Old habits die hard.
In all of this, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me.
That's not to say I don't want you to care, but there's
a difference between sympathy and pity. I don't want to be pitied.
I just want someone to understand me.
intending perhaps to wait some 24 hours that I might post it as
a certain explaination. I turned my computer off and got in bed.
I never could leave well enough alone...
It's a selfish cry for help - a young boy crying out because he skinned his knee. It was meant to say everything without telling anything. Truely, I think that's as artistic as I get - as close to poetry as I come. It was meant to convey emotion without betraying particulars. In the end, perhaps you'll understand, but you'll only see what's been right infront of you the whole time.
It was selfish. I would almost say it was uncalled for. Infact, I would have instantly removed it, and I would take it down right now, if not for the fact that it is exactly how I feel, or as close as words can come.
It was selfish. There are those of you out there who should not see it - not because I wish to hide anything, but because I fear it will trouble you, and the last thing I would ever intend is to trouble you. And yet, it is to those people that I write it. It is they who I want to talk to, NEED to talk to, but I feel I can't. The one's who shouldn't have to see it, the ones I would spare the first, are the ones who MUST see it. I don't know what else to say.
It was selfish.
I would like to note that shortly after writing that post, I laughed. Not for anything related to it, but because me and my room mate were joking around, and he actually said something witty. Moments before he was being an ass, crossed the line, and I fell into one of my few public displays of seriousness. It seems I may be developing a reputation for being dark and brooding. That's not me. It's a part of me, but no more or less than the goof-ball I KNOW you all know I am. I can't be anything more or less than what I am - I quit playing that game a long time ago.
Old habits die hard.
In all of this, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me.
That's not to say I don't want you to care, but there's
a difference between sympathy and pity. I don't want to be pitied.
I just want someone to understand me.
