jackofallgeeks | Tis Better To Have Loved And Lost....

It occures to me, now and again, through all my complaining, that one may wonder why, or rather how, I could still love Claire. Perhaps not, as a few of you may have great Romantic notions of the power of love. Personally, I see love as a choice - a choice I continue to make each day.

It's quite irrational, I will admit that first and foremost. But there are still reasons that I care so deeply for her. She is a wonderful, sweet, careing girl, and beyond that....her timing is simply impeccable.

I suspect, st times, that she may know more than she is quite privledged to know. Yesterday, durring my dark mood caused by my fear that Claire not only doesn't think of me anymore, but is better for it - durring that, Claire sent me a one line note saying "Just wanted to let you know That even though I'm busy and working my arse off I'm still thinking of you."

She didn't know - could not have known - either that I was in a foul mood or the nature of my fear. And at that, she could not have said anything that would have had as much effect, let alone more. I thank God for it.

I spoke with her tonight, and she commented on how she envied Leslie and I because she wanted to see us both. We had an argument, mostly because of my ignorance and her misunderstanding, but even in that, I love her. That surely is illogical, that I would love her more for the argument, but... I don't know.

I think, given time, I could live with out being With her, so long as she allows me to love her. I just want her to be happy, you know. I still wish it wasn't so, I still hope it can be different, but....