(no subject)
Sep. 16th, 2002 11:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksGot these from a good friend of mine, Austin.
They not only made me smile - they made me laugh audibly!
My comments are in Blue.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days
you would have produced enough
sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
***********************************************************
If you pass gas consistently for 6 years and 9 months,
enough gas is produced to create
the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it.)
************************************************************
The human heart creates enough pressure
when it pumps out to the body
to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
************************************************************
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
***********************************************************
A cockroach will live nine days without
its head before it starves
to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
**********************************************************
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home . . . . maybe at work.)
**********************************************************
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached
to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the. . . ..?!")
(God was right to make me human...)
**********************************************************
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
**********************************************************
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
**********************************************************
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life . . . .
quality over quantity.)
(Can't argue with that...)
**********************************************************
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
**********************************************************
Right-handed people live, on average,
nine years longer than left-handed people do.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
(I'm telling you, it the stress!)
*********************************************************
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that's a good thing . . . )
**********************************************************
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
(*Giggles insanely*)
*********************************************************
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
********************************************************
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
**********************************************************
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
(Bastardo!)
**********************************************************
Humans and dolphins are the only species
that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig?)
THE END
Thank you, thank you very much
Please hold your applause ! :-)
They not only made me smile - they made me laugh audibly!
My comments are in Blue.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days
you would have produced enough
sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
***********************************************************
If you pass gas consistently for 6 years and 9 months,
enough gas is produced to create
the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it.)
************************************************************
The human heart creates enough pressure
when it pumps out to the body
to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
************************************************************
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
***********************************************************
A cockroach will live nine days without
its head before it starves
to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
**********************************************************
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home . . . . maybe at work.)
**********************************************************
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached
to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the. . . ..?!")
(God was right to make me human...)
**********************************************************
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
**********************************************************
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
**********************************************************
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life . . . .
quality over quantity.)
(Can't argue with that...)
**********************************************************
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
**********************************************************
Right-handed people live, on average,
nine years longer than left-handed people do.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
(I'm telling you, it the stress!)
*********************************************************
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that's a good thing . . . )
**********************************************************
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
(*Giggles insanely*)
*********************************************************
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
********************************************************
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
**********************************************************
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
(Bastardo!)
**********************************************************
Humans and dolphins are the only species
that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig?)
THE END
Thank you, thank you very much
Please hold your applause ! :-)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-09-17 09:38 am (UTC)::laughs:: Did the Austin we all know and
love...uhhh...well, whatever send you this?no subject
Date: 2002-09-17 10:07 am (UTC)*innocence*
But yeah, that self-same Austin sent that my way - we've been in (half-)decent contact for most of the summer. Actually, he's been interested in contacting you and Beth, as well.
...............
Date: 2002-09-17 05:43 pm (UTC)