I get knocked down...
Sep. 5th, 2007 08:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksSo, today was... alright. Classes went. My thesis is 'well on its way,' which means that when I look at it in the morning it seems nearly done and when I look at it at night it's dauntingly incomplete. That says something, I think; I'd feel better doing more of this work during the day. Night is scary in a primal, reptile-brain sort of way.
I got home from classes just in time to have Laurel call to ask me to take her to the emergency room. She'd fallen and her knee twisted funny and as she's had knee troubles before she didn't want to not do something about it. Plus, she couldn't walk. So most of my afternoon was spent taking her to the doctors, keeping the mood light (which I'm very good at) and then making sure she had food and drugs and got home OK. It felt good to be useful; Leslie probably known better than most the sort of drive I have for that kind of thing.
When I got home I received two emails that pretty much crushed my spirit. The first, and more-minor, was an email from one of my advisors strongly implying dissatisfaction with my latest chapters, though she admitted to not having read them yet. So I'm probably just imagining things and fearing for the worst, as it seems I do when under stress. I'm down to the very end of my thesis, and anything that hints at more resistance from my advisors is just... more than I can readily deal with. The second was an email from my new job, saying that they got my travel paperwork and would fax me a copy of my travel orders -- which in turn will allow me to have them pay for my move -- but that they can't even process any of it until October 1st.
*deep breath* I graduate on the 21st. I want to be leaving California on the 24th. Before I can, I need my stuff packed and out of my house and on a truck. I need travel orders for this to happen. I won't get travel orders, it seems, until *after* October 1st. Sometime. My lease ends on September 30th. I need to not be here any more in a number of different ways. And they're blocking me.
I'm talking to them tomorrow, explaining my situation and asking them if there's some way I can get out of here before October and still have them pay for it. If I can get reimbursed for a move, I can't afford it on my own but my parents said they can spot me on it. Worst case scenario, I main myself some packages, stuff everything I can into my car, and leave the rest for scavengers. I'll get out of here. I have to get out of here. But I can't deal with this right now.
Right now I need to finish writing two (short) chapters of my thesis, two (short) appendices, and I'd like to write up a 200-word Abstract. With that done, the Thesis is 'complete', if not done. I'll need to get comments from my advisors and add and change things to their liking, but that's what next week is set aside for. I want to be *done* by next Friday. I want to be done. I want to be done.
I want to cry.
I got home from classes just in time to have Laurel call to ask me to take her to the emergency room. She'd fallen and her knee twisted funny and as she's had knee troubles before she didn't want to not do something about it. Plus, she couldn't walk. So most of my afternoon was spent taking her to the doctors, keeping the mood light (which I'm very good at) and then making sure she had food and drugs and got home OK. It felt good to be useful; Leslie probably known better than most the sort of drive I have for that kind of thing.
When I got home I received two emails that pretty much crushed my spirit. The first, and more-minor, was an email from one of my advisors strongly implying dissatisfaction with my latest chapters, though she admitted to not having read them yet. So I'm probably just imagining things and fearing for the worst, as it seems I do when under stress. I'm down to the very end of my thesis, and anything that hints at more resistance from my advisors is just... more than I can readily deal with. The second was an email from my new job, saying that they got my travel paperwork and would fax me a copy of my travel orders -- which in turn will allow me to have them pay for my move -- but that they can't even process any of it until October 1st.
*deep breath* I graduate on the 21st. I want to be leaving California on the 24th. Before I can, I need my stuff packed and out of my house and on a truck. I need travel orders for this to happen. I won't get travel orders, it seems, until *after* October 1st. Sometime. My lease ends on September 30th. I need to not be here any more in a number of different ways. And they're blocking me.
I'm talking to them tomorrow, explaining my situation and asking them if there's some way I can get out of here before October and still have them pay for it. If I can get reimbursed for a move, I can't afford it on my own but my parents said they can spot me on it. Worst case scenario, I main myself some packages, stuff everything I can into my car, and leave the rest for scavengers. I'll get out of here. I have to get out of here. But I can't deal with this right now.
Right now I need to finish writing two (short) chapters of my thesis, two (short) appendices, and I'd like to write up a 200-word Abstract. With that done, the Thesis is 'complete', if not done. I'll need to get comments from my advisors and add and change things to their liking, but that's what next week is set aside for. I want to be *done* by next Friday. I want to be done. I want to be done.
I want to cry.
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no subject
Date: 2007-09-06 10:23 am (UTC)Have you written back to your new job, telling them your situation (in particular, the bit about your lease being up on the 30th)? Maybe somebody could put a fire under it, as they say, and get you your papers sooner - unless it's a real can't and not just a got-other-shit-to-do-can't-be-bothered-yet-can't.
Good job on helping Laurel out. You're a great friend.
I know it can't help very much at this juncture, but I'm pulling for you. You're in my thoughts for at least a few minutes every day, and, while I don't pray anymore, the sheer mass of positive energy I send your way might do at least some good - who knows? I hope you can hold on for just a little while longer - it'll be over before you know it, and everything will be okay. ::hugs:: It will. It will.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-06 04:20 pm (UTC)I'm going to talk to the lady who hired me an explain the situation. Unlike most government red tape, though, I think this is a "really can't" -- I've been hired as an 08 employee, and 08 doesn't start for them until after Sept 30th. I *really* don't believe that *no* 08 money is spent before Oct 1st, but at the very least I can believe that it's not *supposed* to be.
Being able to help Laurel was, in a sense, the best thing that's happened to me in a while. It sucks that she hurt herself, though.
I'll be alright, everything will be fine. I don't believe I can not-graduate, and with my degree in hand nothing will keep me from the east coast. If I lose my furniture, so what? This stuff can't be worth more than $100 total, anyways, and I spend at least that much whenever I walk into a book store...
no subject
Date: 2007-09-07 02:18 am (UTC)Night is scary in a primal, reptile-brain sort of way never truer words spoken (so to speak). I feel night time is the same for me.
I hope the red tape crap works itself out.