(no subject)

[jackofallgeeks]

For quite a while, as evidenced by my Journal, I haven't had anything to talk about. in fact, for some time, I've felt at a great loss for anything of interest to say to anyone. Generally, I would hypothesis that it has something to do with the unfamiliar enviroment, and my desire for everything "just to be normal again." But that's neither here nor there.

Ann Landers, Dear Abbey, Miss Manners - and many more. This is the legion of Syndicated Advice-Givers found in newpapers, daily, across the country. I've come into the habit of reading them. Anyways, I've found that, for the most part, they offer semi-sound advice. Recently, however, I've decided that I don't agree with them very much at all, and feel they've been handing out some sour advice.

Some are, of course, better than others. I refer here, in most part, to Ann Landers and Dear Abbey. However, today there was a piece of interest, which I haven't made a decision on.

A lady wrote in, 37 year old mother of four, but that's inconsequential. She wrote in saying how she'd voiced to her husband an attraction to a male friend of theirs. Apparently needless to say, her husband took it poorly. She'd asked for one bit of advice (something about how to get her mother off her back) but the advice given was of the different sort - it was questioned why she would voice attraction to another man. She (the lady) had mentioned that she used to feel confortable voicing her emotions to her husband.

And so, here's my question. To what point is one to be honest? Is it true that complete honesty is a selfish act? As for myself and many of my friends, I know we claim "honesty is the best policy," but it also seems apparent that 'honesty' can be damaging. Any thoughts?

Comments

[bluepalmtree.livejournal.com]

I personally think it's better that she did tell her husband because it would be wrong to let him think he's the only one when she's got her eyes on someone else. Also because if something were to happen with this other male and the husband found out he would probably be even more hurt than if she would have just told him. The situation is just bad in the firstplace but I like to tell the trust no matter what so I would've done the same in her situation. In the long run, he'll probably apprchiate that she didn't lie to him.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

See, I think I disagree. First of all, she offered the information, it wasn't requested. If he asked her, and she told the truth, that's different. also, you argue that "if something happened" where as I stand on the point that - she's married, nothing should ever happen, period. If there's tension that's bugging her, doesn't it make it a selfish act to dump it on him - it doesn't accomplish anything besides shattering any idyllic picture he has of the world.
I think at some points, telling everything only hurts, and I think this may be one of those times.

[bluepalmtree.livejournal.com]

I agree that if they are married nothing should happen. If it was me, nothing would. Some people are different though. If she really loves her husband and knows that she can stop herself then she didn't need to tell him but not all people are like that. I think that if she told him it's because she felt something serious for the other person and in that case, it would be wrong to let her husband go on believing that everything was perfect. It's sad that she was married and ended up falling for another guy, that shows it wasn't a true marriage. I agree that the truth would hurt but people get hurt in life, everyone does, that's the way it is! As they say "the ugly truth is better than a pretty lie." He could make himself happy by believing he was the only one but she knows the real world is different. He would've ended up getting hurt somehow anyway.

I think they have a point...

[serenabuny.livejournal.com]

Whoever Bluepalmtree is that is. We're not superhuman here. Do you think you are? This gets back to the discussion of can you stop yourself from falling in love or having a choice. Yes you can limit contact with that person to help prevent but still. I think it was really her choice and she picked what she thought was the best choice at the time. That's really all we can ever do. Her choice was neither good nor bad because nothing is ever truly wrong or right. We get back to perspectives here...

Ooohh...

[starlight1184.livejournal.com]

Wrong and right... so interesting you would bring that up in Andrew's journal... Andrew knows where I stand on that (similar to your viewpoint) as we've had that particular discussion a few times... so I'll let him take it from here.

Re: Ooohh...

[serenabuny.livejournal.com]

^_~ Oh I know and that's why I put it in there. We differ greatly when it comes to definitions of truth...

That's a toughie...

[starlight1184.livejournal.com]

The age old question... do you really tell your friend how she looks when she gets a horrible hair cut, or do you tell her she looks good to make her feel *that* much better about it? I'm one of those friends who very strongly believe honesty is the best policy... but then you get into sticky situations where you have to really think about it. I've had to really think about it lately... my problems with Lauren... and I've opted for keeping it underwraps, b/c if I tell her... it won't solve anything, she won't listen anyways, and it would cause a huge amount of unneeded tension in that whole group of friends. To get to my point... honesty is always the best policy. But tact is incredibly important also. Must go. More later.

Re: That's a toughie...

[starlight1184.livejournal.com]

Sorry... went out to lunch... back now.

Where was I? Oh yes. Tact. I think that tact is something that I'm not very good at, and need to learn. But basically, tact would be knowing when to open your mouth and when to keep it shut. In this situation, the wife's, I think it is hard for any of us to say exactly what she should have or should not have done, as we don't really know the whole story. The thing I would like to know is did she tell her husband because she simply wanted to let him know, or did she tell her husband because she felt that this attraction she was feeling to another man was causing problems in the marriage. If it WAS causing problems, then I think it was something that needed to be broached. But if it wasn't, I think I'm with Andrew. We may not be superhuman (I wholeheartedly agree that we're not), but if it is simply something she feels, that isn't causing outward problems or affecting the husband, maybe it is best that she deal with it on her own, and really figure out what she feels before she brings it into someone else's life. It's a tough question... I don't claim to have an answer... she's human. She may have made a mistake. But on the other hand... maybe she felt she had a duty to her husband to tell him. Who knows? I sure don't.

I believe in honesty, yes. But maybe sometimes, a slight twist or omission of the truth that keeps things happy without having a huge backlash is a good thing. And it's always a judgement calls. And judgement calls are ALWAYS hard to foresee the consequences of ahead of time.