Valentine's Day Thoughts (a little late)
Feb. 14th, 2007 10:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksSo, for most of you, this is pretty late to be doing a Valentine's Day post. In fact, in a couple hours it'll be late for me, too, and by my reckoning I should have been in bed about an hour ago (I haven't been sleeping well lately). But I kind of wanted to make a post on today and I haven't yet, and I'd rather make a half-formed attempt at voicing my thoughts than quietly regret not saying anything.
Sorry about the half-formed.
Anyways. Valentine's Day. Like most commercialized holidays, there's a lot there for me to not like. Namely, the commercialism. But that's American Society, so I generally let it pass after a comment or two. It seems to be popularly held that Valentine's Day puts you in one of two camps: The Haves and The Have Nots. The Haves, They tell us, are supposed to go out of their way for each other spending lots of money on little (often consumable) tokens of their affection and setting the day aside specifically for themselves. It's a Couple's Day. Which is where the Have Nots come in -- if you aren't a part of a couple, then you're one of the Unattached Masses and it is generally agreed that you ought to go about bitter, or at least lonely, thinking wistful thoughts of how today MIGHT have been if you'd had a Somebody.
Now, before any of you complain, I've actually seen very, very little of this in actual practice myself -- my friends, it seems, have all independently decided to dub today "Love Day" and they celebrate affection between friends, family, lovers, everyone. It's a lot healthier, I think, and it's tribute to the quality of the people I choose to associate with that they all hold this attitude. That having been said, I know what we're supposed to think of this day (as noted above), and I've at least heard second-hand that some people really do.
Romance is kind of a big deal for me, personally. That whole 'wanting to have a family' bit helps, but I'm also kind of a hopeless romantic. I recall, years and years ago now, feeling kind of down when Valentine's Day would come around. I think I've only ever had a Someone on Valentines Day once. That puts me squarely into the Have Nots, usually. But, in part thanks to my friend Leslie I think, I got over that a while back. She was the one to first introduce me to Love Day. And actually, I hardly noticed today much at all, aside from taking an opportunity to tell some lady-friends of mine that I was thinking of them. I wasn't feeling particularly lonely or lost or frustrated, or any of the other black emotions that I sometimes get when I dwell upon romance. Today's a day when you should be happy for who's in your life, and if they have a Someone, you should be happy for them that they do. Giving in to loneliness on a day like today... that's just kind of backwards, I think. It's buying the lie, to use a near-cliche.
Of course, it was a beautifully warm day out here in Sunny California, too. I imagine if I were stuck inside under slushy conditions I might be singing a different tune, but that's not the point.
I can't help but critique the Haves, too, though. They buy into it, too, some more than others, and I think it can be just as bad. I hear one girl bought $50 chocolates for her boyfriend. Now, that's a nice gesture, and for someone who puts a pricetag on affection I'm sure it's great. (I don't mean that derogatorily; I'm not a big present kind of guy, but some people like that and it's OK.) And maybe said boy is a chocolate fiend. But it occurs to me that, generally, guys don't appreciate chocolate properly, the way girls stereotypically do. Sure, I'll love you forever if you get my Dark Chocolate over that milk chocolate stuff, but I'm sure I won't notice the difference between the $50 box and the $12.75 box. (Again, yeah, not big on gifts, but you know what I mean.)
And even at that, I still can't help but feel bad about the whole setting the day aside thing. I don't know, really it's just the lingering thought that we *need* a day specifically set aside for us, to be with each other, or it won't happen. And that's kind of an unfortunate thought. I was talking with Anastasiya earlier and said that, were I in The Other Group, I'd be perfectly fine having dinner at home together, going for an evening walk, and sharing a bottle of wine. But the thing is, that sounds like a good idea on ANY night. Infeasible to do it EVERY night (in my current situation), which is good 'cause I think it would lose something, but the point is that I don't need Valentine's day to do something special for someone I care about.
Though, that being said, I have to respect the excuse it provides. Even I take advantage of Valentine's Day to say hi to people I should probably keep in better touch with. And it's nice that couples can take that excuse, too. -shrugs- So, I don't really know what I'm saying.
But, whatever it is, I've said plenty. About 30 minutes running by my clock. So, there. My thoughts for the day. Now I'm going to crawl in bed two hours late and, doing so, I wish you all the best. May you never need a day to remind you of the love in your life.
Sorry about the half-formed.
Anyways. Valentine's Day. Like most commercialized holidays, there's a lot there for me to not like. Namely, the commercialism. But that's American Society, so I generally let it pass after a comment or two. It seems to be popularly held that Valentine's Day puts you in one of two camps: The Haves and The Have Nots. The Haves, They tell us, are supposed to go out of their way for each other spending lots of money on little (often consumable) tokens of their affection and setting the day aside specifically for themselves. It's a Couple's Day. Which is where the Have Nots come in -- if you aren't a part of a couple, then you're one of the Unattached Masses and it is generally agreed that you ought to go about bitter, or at least lonely, thinking wistful thoughts of how today MIGHT have been if you'd had a Somebody.
Now, before any of you complain, I've actually seen very, very little of this in actual practice myself -- my friends, it seems, have all independently decided to dub today "Love Day" and they celebrate affection between friends, family, lovers, everyone. It's a lot healthier, I think, and it's tribute to the quality of the people I choose to associate with that they all hold this attitude. That having been said, I know what we're supposed to think of this day (as noted above), and I've at least heard second-hand that some people really do.
Romance is kind of a big deal for me, personally. That whole 'wanting to have a family' bit helps, but I'm also kind of a hopeless romantic. I recall, years and years ago now, feeling kind of down when Valentine's Day would come around. I think I've only ever had a Someone on Valentines Day once. That puts me squarely into the Have Nots, usually. But, in part thanks to my friend Leslie I think, I got over that a while back. She was the one to first introduce me to Love Day. And actually, I hardly noticed today much at all, aside from taking an opportunity to tell some lady-friends of mine that I was thinking of them. I wasn't feeling particularly lonely or lost or frustrated, or any of the other black emotions that I sometimes get when I dwell upon romance. Today's a day when you should be happy for who's in your life, and if they have a Someone, you should be happy for them that they do. Giving in to loneliness on a day like today... that's just kind of backwards, I think. It's buying the lie, to use a near-cliche.
Of course, it was a beautifully warm day out here in Sunny California, too. I imagine if I were stuck inside under slushy conditions I might be singing a different tune, but that's not the point.
I can't help but critique the Haves, too, though. They buy into it, too, some more than others, and I think it can be just as bad. I hear one girl bought $50 chocolates for her boyfriend. Now, that's a nice gesture, and for someone who puts a pricetag on affection I'm sure it's great. (I don't mean that derogatorily; I'm not a big present kind of guy, but some people like that and it's OK.) And maybe said boy is a chocolate fiend. But it occurs to me that, generally, guys don't appreciate chocolate properly, the way girls stereotypically do. Sure, I'll love you forever if you get my Dark Chocolate over that milk chocolate stuff, but I'm sure I won't notice the difference between the $50 box and the $12.75 box. (Again, yeah, not big on gifts, but you know what I mean.)
And even at that, I still can't help but feel bad about the whole setting the day aside thing. I don't know, really it's just the lingering thought that we *need* a day specifically set aside for us, to be with each other, or it won't happen. And that's kind of an unfortunate thought. I was talking with Anastasiya earlier and said that, were I in The Other Group, I'd be perfectly fine having dinner at home together, going for an evening walk, and sharing a bottle of wine. But the thing is, that sounds like a good idea on ANY night. Infeasible to do it EVERY night (in my current situation), which is good 'cause I think it would lose something, but the point is that I don't need Valentine's day to do something special for someone I care about.
Though, that being said, I have to respect the excuse it provides. Even I take advantage of Valentine's Day to say hi to people I should probably keep in better touch with. And it's nice that couples can take that excuse, too. -shrugs- So, I don't really know what I'm saying.
But, whatever it is, I've said plenty. About 30 minutes running by my clock. So, there. My thoughts for the day. Now I'm going to crawl in bed two hours late and, doing so, I wish you all the best. May you never need a day to remind you of the love in your life.
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Date: 2007-02-15 03:01 pm (UTC)I was in the CVS yesterday and I saw this kid go in and grab no less then 10 heart-shaped boxes of chocolate. I have no idea what he was planning to do with them, but whatever it could be, it still seems like a silly idea from my POV.
For me personally, as someone who is just as likely to do those things on any other day as much as Valentine's Day, I look at Valentine's Day as the opportunity to have an excuse to kick it up a notch. I enjoy having an excuse to go all out for the person in my life. When on "any other day" such a thing would have been perceived as excessive and maybe even creepy. It's gives me a chance to really think... "Okay today is about HER. What can I do to really make her happy?" Flowers and/or chocolates don't show that you thought about someone. Just that you knew if you didn't do something, you'd get in trouble. :P
Compose a poem, make their favorite meal, take them to a romantic spot, serenade them, give them a massage, try to think about that person and anticipate what they would want or could want if they knew it was okay to want it.
That's how I like to celebrate Valentine's Day as one of the "Haves". :)