Not the 'first post' I wanted, but...

[jackofallgeeks]

In reference to my last post, the friends-only one going through my whole relationship history from Danielle through the present...

I was looking at my eHarmony profile. One of the things they give you for free is a "Compatibility Profile," detailing the sort of person they think you'd work best with. When I first read mine, I practically fell in love with the girl they were describing. -smirk-

Anyways, I was going back over that, in an attempt to sooth my worried mind, and I came across this little bit:

Sexual Passion: You'll be most fulfilled by the kind of woman who believes sex is an important part of a great relationship, but not the only part. She is looking for physical chemistry with a man, the kind of spark that comes from genuine romantic attraction. However, she also appreciates that there is more to a "real relationship" than sex.

And, yeah. I want to have sex. 'Duh,' you might say, 'you want a bazillion kids. How else were you going to get them?' And yeah, that's part of it, a sizable part of it, but I also want sex for it's own sake. For all the reasons I'm scared of it before marriage, that is to say, all the emotional bits that come along with it. And I'm told it's a fun thing to do, anyways.

But... Have you ever read 1984? Good book. Odd book. I recommend it. But at one place, Our Hero is talking about his ex-wife, and the wooden way she would go about sex, calling it "our party duty." I don't want sex to be a chore. I don't want sex to be, "well, if we're going to be married, and we're going to have kids, I guess we might as well get this over with." Or, worse, something dirty and shameful. It's not, it's beautiful (pardon my naivety) and something I'm rather looking forward to. I blame society for making it dirty the way it's become.

But I want sex. It's part of that whole 'passionately in love' bit I mentioned. I believe that people are equal parts mental, spiritual, and physical, and each of those aspects is important to me in the relationship I'm looking for.

And now my head's starting to hurt 'cause I should be sleeping. Maybe I'll pick up on this again later. Feel free to share your thoughts and talk amongst yourselves.

Comments

[surichan.livejournal.com]

Sex is beautiful. At least, I've always found it to be. But then, it's always been my policy to preserve sex for love, and that, I think, has a lot to do with how much I've been able to enjoy it. I mean, it can be a hell of a good time as is, but when love's involved, even base animal [vulgar verb]-ing is somehow elevated to another plain completely. So don't call yourself naive. Sex is beautiful. And powerful. And really good for the complexion. :D

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

There's an icon I haven't seen before.

And... would you hate me if I noted that 'plain' probably isn't the word you're looking for?

And yeah, I am naive (in this respect, and others), but perhaps that doesn't mean I'm wrong.

let's talk about sex, baby...

[singinteenangst.livejournal.com]

I second the beauty of sex notion.

Now, I don't know how much info you want, but know that my first time was not with love. it was a caring relationship, but very new and very superficial. i do not regret this. it sounds weird, but i "got it out the way". i don't recommend this tactic everyone, but because society distorts it and because people build it up, i didn't know what to make of it or what i wanted it to be. i found a safe relationship, a safe guy, and we did it..."safely". and one month later we broke up because it wasn't right, we had done something too physically intimate before we had reached that level emotionally.

i learned from that. i learned that waiting (an indeterminable length of time) only makes it better. it allows you to be sure that there are no questions, no mysteries of whether you should be doing it or not. hormones can be confusing, but there is a gut feeling that cannot be mistaken. it is a conviction that you are so compatible with a person that there is no reason for you to not be as close as to each other as possible. it is a physical longing to capture the emotional and spiritual intimacy you have already shared.

it is SO beautiful. i hate the media for what it has done to sex.

humble opinion

[nif.livejournal.com]

Hm. I've never found sex to be "beautiful" but I think that takes a certain personality type. I guess it's because I've never associated sex and love exclusively. I don't particularly feel that sex ever expresses love per se, although it can be very very emotionally intense. Personally, I find other things express love much better-- making someone their favorite dinner after a hard day, not smothering your significant other with a pillow when they snore ALL NIGHT LONG, going with them to a really early really gross doctor's appointment, etc. But. Love does make sex better. Although there's nothing wrong with enjoying the physical sensation for its own sake. I think sex before marriage is a necessity, because it is such a large part of a relationship. And some people just don't work together sexually. I dunno. I'd rather find out that my partner and I don't work that way before we get hitched.