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Nov. 28th, 2006 06:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksI logged into MySpace today for the first time in a while. I'm not really a big fan of the place, gaudy and ill-formed as it is. Give my Facebook or LiveJournal any day. I was just logging in to check some messages and stuff from my little cousin. I hadn't intended on going over to Ben's page, but I found myself there anyways.
It's kind of blank now. Whoever was hosting his style sheet must have left or something. "Weapon of Choice," with Christopher Walken walkin' is still up there. He's still getting comments which, while I would feel incredibly ridiculous and/or out-of-place/presumptuous if I did likewise, makes me a little glad to see. It seems like at least a few people don't know he's gone. That makes me a little sad.
I'm the same man I've always been; I haven't changed since I was six. That's not true, I change a lot. I grow. I generally like who I'm becoming, though there are still things about me I'd like to change. The sorts of things I never talk about, because I don't want to admit to them and I don't want to point them out to others. But they're there, and I still wrestle with them. And on nights like tonight, when I'm feeling... whatever this is, the weight of my personal inertia just seems insurmountable.
I should go do something, but I can't think of anything worth doing. I'd go crawl in bed -- I'm really tired -- but I don't feel like sleeping.
It's kind of blank now. Whoever was hosting his style sheet must have left or something. "Weapon of Choice," with Christopher Walken walkin' is still up there. He's still getting comments which, while I would feel incredibly ridiculous and/or out-of-place/presumptuous if I did likewise, makes me a little glad to see. It seems like at least a few people don't know he's gone. That makes me a little sad.
I'm the same man I've always been; I haven't changed since I was six. That's not true, I change a lot. I grow. I generally like who I'm becoming, though there are still things about me I'd like to change. The sorts of things I never talk about, because I don't want to admit to them and I don't want to point them out to others. But they're there, and I still wrestle with them. And on nights like tonight, when I'm feeling... whatever this is, the weight of my personal inertia just seems insurmountable.
I should go do something, but I can't think of anything worth doing. I'd go crawl in bed -- I'm really tired -- but I don't feel like sleeping.
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Date: 2006-11-29 03:49 am (UTC)And hey - I got the really strong desire to call you tonight, see about maybe hanging out, but I have to get up really stupid early and run tomorrow, and we're on for dinner anyway, right? Calzones? I have to get up stupid early Thursday morning too, but it will be insanely good to see you again. I missed you a lot while you were gone. I'm gonna go nuts when you go back to Cali...I've gotten too used to the goodness of having you around.
And you know that I, for one, love you no matter (and, in fact, because of) who and what you are. So if you ever feel like talking about those things you never talk about, I'm here, and I won't ever go away.
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Date: 2006-11-29 04:25 am (UTC)(2) Heh. Yes, dinner tomorrow. Calsones, for the win. I've a couple movies here from Netflix I've been meaning to watch, maybe we can view one? And/Or The Office. You'd need to bring your power cord. I'm gonna miss you a lot when I leave, too; we've been apart for a very long time, it's been good seeing you regularly again.
(3) As much as I'm reasonably sure there are others who share the sentiment, and as much as I know my real hang up is selfish fear and pride, it's really good to hear you say that. Maybe one day I'll be able to confess my personal demons and cognitive dissonances.