jackofallgeeks | She can't see this.

The fact of the matter is, yeah, I don't like him. That he doesn't like me, even having never met me, gives me less reason to like him. He thinks I treated you badly, and that may well be a fair assessment, though I might argue that it looks to him very much like how he was treated, and so he's imposing his own biases. I think he treats you badly. I think he's selfish, insecure, jealous of your friends and family. He doesn't understand some of the fundamentals of a relationship. He misses the fact that you consulting your friends and family when you're confronted with a dilemma is not only acceptable, but the reasonable first move. He threatens you with 'freedom' -- say what you will about his tone or what he means, that's a passive-aggressive way of saying "be careful, or we might break up."

"But Andrew," you say, "you admit your own bias. You don't like him, so of course you would say such things." Everyone's biased. I don't believe anyone is ever impartial. But I've also seen this all before. It's a bad thing when he threatens you with 'freedom'; at the least it implies that your relationship is a form of bondage, and I'm sorry but that infuriates me. It's a bad thing when he throws at you that he's never said anything bad about you -- what's that supposed to mean? That your grievances are less valid because he finds no flaw in you? There's no logic in that. And it implies that he has you on a pedestal, an unerring figure of truth and purity, and no one is that. It's not fair for him to pretend you are, as flattering as you may think it is. You can't know or love a figure held aloft like that. And the higher the pedestal, the further the fall when it proves false.

I've told you why I don't like him, and I've told you why I think he's wrong for you. If he's like I expect, like how all us boys were once, he expects that you will complete him, make him whole, and that's a false, unkind, unfair assumption to have, both for himself and for you. He's jealous, he comes off as selfish, he expects you to be as you are not, he seems passive-aggressive. I wrote you a whole email which you have yet to refute. This is why I'm so hard on your relationship, because I think it's a poor one, and I've not been given proof to the contrary.