jackofallgeeks: (Contemplative)
[personal profile] jackofallgeeks
Hmmm, yes, I suppose I should try and keep up on this...

Tonight, of all things, Olivia asked me if I wanted Claire to know I liked her. OF COURSE I want her to know. Why would I not want a girl I liked to know? Granted, I might not be able to tell her myself, but that's beside the point.

The problem, I told her, was that regardless of if she knew or not, or if I told her or not, there would be some amount of miscommunication. Now, I don't mean that as a deterant, or a reason NOT to tell her, but...

Well, the funny thing is, yeah, I like her, but what does that mean? I mean, I think I can almost get a grasp on what I'm feeling, even if I can't express it in words, but the general concept might have implications to one person that it doesn't have to another, if you follow.

As per usual, I really don't know what i'm talking about. I guess it comes down to the fact that I anticipate her expecting something I don't intend, or me intending something she doesn't expect. Granted, it's to be expected in any relationship, but that doesn't detract from the situation - just means that maybe one should pay closer attention to one's other relationships, ne?

The really fun part starts when I get to thinking about...hmm, well, I really don't know what to term it. Generally it's a doubt, but not so much that I'm doubting something, but that the truth of something is vague, I guess....hmmm, let me explain.

You see, I'll admit to liking alot of girls - in fact, I would dare say I like every girl I know. It's quite obvious, really, if you think about it - would I keep up any relationship with a girl I don't like? But even beyond that, it's my personal philosophy that, for guys, we don't pay any mind to a girl unless we like them to some extent. You might note the difference in connotation with "like" - you might not. In any case, it's there.

I'm taking quite a round about way of getting to this - I hope you don't mind. Anyways, to simplify terminology, beyond even that level of affection, there are two girls I would say I'm crazy about, though that implies some sense of a loss of reason - I don't believe I've lost reason in either case. Anyways, though, the two girls in question are Claire and Emily, and if you've known me for any period of time, you've prolly heard of one or the other at some time.

Now, as I began, the fun part begins whan I start thinking about this. Because while I (for lack of a better term) like both Claire and Emily, I don't know if I like Claire as much as I like Emily, or if I like Emily more so for liking Claire. If nothing else on this page has made your head spin, I do hope that did. I'd feel such the failure otherwise.

You see, with these two girls, I do believe that the one possesses some facet which the other doesn't - that's given, seeing as they're different girls, but in so much as what I like about them, I like different, complimentary aspects. To put it simply, if either girl had both facets, almost obviously, I'd be set. And due to circumstances, I dare say one facet would be easier to obtain than the other, though my greatest fear is that this assumption is false.

And, with that tangle of vague and mysterious remarks, I shall leave you to wallow in confusion. Maybe some time I'll clarify, but for now my back kinda hurts - I think I'll either go lay down or play StarCraft.

Mmmmmmm, StarCraft......

You crack me up

Date: 2001-11-21 08:27 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Really. You do crack me up. (yeah, I don't have an account here, so I had to post annonymously... hopefully you have enough sense to figure out who this is. Hopefully.) I just had to let you know that. I'm enjoying this journal. I especially like how you mentioned (should I say admitted) that thinking is fun. :-) Anywho... I think you did a marvelous job trying to explain yourself, and even people who don't know you may have understood that. I know I did. :-) But then again... I know you... hehehe. G'night.

Re: You crack me up

Date: 2003-06-27 05:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com
Retroactively noted, this was Rachel...

A perfect reflection...

Date: 2001-11-24 11:41 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
...(Smile)Ever listened to the song "Complicated"?... Maybe you should...

Date: 2003-06-27 05:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com
I get the sinking suspision that this was Claire...? Maybe? I'm not sure...

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John Noble

August 2012

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