Is It Better To Have Loved And Lost,

[jackofallgeeks]

Or To Have Never Loved At All?

This is something I've never understood. A female friend of mine was recently commenting on a relationship that she'd recently been in. Over now, of course. But she said that the other day, she had really missed it all - the relationship, the person, all of it.

What gets me, is she said she was working back up to generally not caring about it. I don't mean to single my friend out (as this is not the first or last time I'll hear a girl comment as such), but my question is - why do girls do this? I mean, look at the situation. You have a relationship with someone, and I would assume it would mean something, right? But, then it ends, and almost across the board, it seems girls try to forget it ever happened. Apparently, they try to build up a wall of indifference, and it just doesn't make any sense to me. I should expect that if I had a relationship that ended, badly or no, I would want to remember the good that there WAS, rather than killing everything I'd ever felt.

::Shrugs:: I donno, it's a rather foreign concept to me. Any opinions?

Comments

[surichan.livejournal.com]

I dunno. I personally like to look back on the good things that happened in my relationships. But I think that perhaps, when the relationship has first ended, it's just too painful for a woman scorned to think of all that's been lost, so you try to forget. Not that it ever happened, per se, but rather that you had to go through all that pain of losing someone who meant a great deal to you. I tend to fall prey not so much to forgetting the relationship as to remembering the good things so much that I really miss the guy and the fun we had together, when - as in the case of me and Daniel - we really had more bad times than good. And that can be even more dangerous, because it tempts you to try to get that particular guy back, when it's really just better to move on to greener pastures and better guys. It's impossible to ever not care that something like a relationship ever happened, but I think people like to try to convince themselves that they don't care, so as to avoid the pain of thinking about it and longing for something that's gone. Like, I don't love Daniel now, but I'll always think about him, wonder about how he's doing. And sometimes I still miss him, just for the good times we did have.

Hmmm...

[starlight1184.livejournal.com]

Well, I know in my case, it wasn't a case of a "woman scorned"... because... well... I dumped him. I was done with the relationship as it was at the time. It wasn't going anywhere, and I felt we were fooling ourselves by continuing to "go out". Plus, I just wanted to be single again. (which I still am, and I love it!) But I genuinely wanted to still be friends with the guy. He was a great guy, and I wanted to keep what good we did have in that relationship going... our friendship. But apparently he didn't feel the same way, because it just didn't happen. We were not able to stay in touch, and he stopped answering my emails. To me, it was really sad. I don't like relationships of any kind ending like that... without any kind of closure... and this one did. He won't even acknowledge me. So... while I don't regret anything about the relationship, or that I ended the "going out" thing... I wish we could have made what happened afterwards work. And I do still care about it. It hurts that (I guess) he didn't think it was worth just being friends. But I guess it wasn't meant to work that way.. So... I would say that it was better that it happened, than for it to have never happened at all. Does that make sense?

Well...

[serenabuny.livejournal.com]

I'd add, but it's all already been said...