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jackofallgeeksWell, This was a post well-made. Since I'd be saying much of the same things to each of you anyways, I thought I might just post my thoughts here.
With a couple of notable exceptions, the consensus seems over-whelming: If it's not there, don't push it. Give it time, and things will come as they ought. Which is what I'd been feeling this whole time, anyways. Of course, things are never as simple as they may appear, and I've never been a man of few words (unless I'm overcome by emotion of one sort or another).
Oh, and before we go on, thanks for the replies. Like, really. I could go on and on about it, but yeah, thanks.
Though the synchronousity of of it all may throw you off, Jason and Jessi's engagement has relatively little to do with my current thought-processes. I'm a little jealous, yeah, but just in that general ways of "I wish I could be there," which I've had for pushing-on-ten years. I'm actually *really* happy for the two of them, and only regret that my current situation puts me so far away at such an awesome time. God willing, i'll be able to get back East for their wedding.
More pertinently, I've been influenced by this most-recent rejection (on the negative side) and a few little conversations that Meghan and I have had -- notably the one which produced This, but there have been a few times when I thought to myself, "I really wish it could be her." Rachel (for those who don't know, that's Starlight, my cousin whom I love dearly and who has known me longer than almost anyone else here) asked if there was anything beside "needing someone" that inclined me toward "this someone."
First of all, I'm much less on the "needing someone" these days than I have been in the past. I'd like to have a Someone and everything that comes with it, and some nights I just get really sad and lonely, but I'm actually doing reasonably well being On My Own. Sometimes I wish I was more On My Own (a la, no roomie), but I think the social interaction is more needed that any extra freedom might be. So, yes, I don't have the desperate, crying need that I once had: it's simmered back down to just "Tthis is what I WANT for my life."
That having been said, Meghan "lets me check all the boxes," as it's been phrased before. She's Catholic (some may not appreciate that criterion, but it's my life. :p), she is a pretty girl, she's Irish (not necessary, but nice), she specifically wants to be a mother (unfortunately a rare attribute, depending on one's circles), she specifically wants to homeschool her kids, she likes the name 'Penelope' (I'm looking at you, Amber), we agree on a lot of different issues (mostly pertaining to raising kids, which is important, I think, when speaking of potential marriage) we get along well, we've had nice long talks and spent hours of quality time together, she likes me (another unfortunately rare attribute in my experience)... A number of those bits are rather minor and inconsequential, but they're still nice. So there's that. Oh, and she's probably seen at least as much of my Dark Moments as most people reading this, and that hasn't changed her opinion of me, so she gets points there, too.
Mmmm, answers to a few questions:
Jason, you're about 4 years older than me, ne? That's all I meant. :p
Gene, uhm, no, different sort of feedback. You get a point for creativity, though. :p ("Do you know the muffin man? Do you know the muffin man?" I'm going to be laughing about that for days.) Oh, and three.
Sarah, no, this isn't a case of "she'll do for now"; I would never allow myself (I should hope) to play that hand, mostly because I'm not thinking in terms of "for now" -- even years ago, back in highschool, I was interested in dating for the 'long haul.' As for the reading... -shrugs- I consider you a good friend, for what it's worth, so there y'go.
And just as a note, Jason's bit was particularly pertinent since he not only went through similar experiences (ha ha, I remember you posting about meeting Jessi -- didn't you use the "you remind me of my ex" line? Ha!), he also just got engaged to the girl, so there you go. Practical application. And Dawn gets kudos for practical application as well, especially for the pertinent bits about her husband.
So. There's that.
With a couple of notable exceptions, the consensus seems over-whelming: If it's not there, don't push it. Give it time, and things will come as they ought. Which is what I'd been feeling this whole time, anyways. Of course, things are never as simple as they may appear, and I've never been a man of few words (unless I'm overcome by emotion of one sort or another).
Oh, and before we go on, thanks for the replies. Like, really. I could go on and on about it, but yeah, thanks.
Though the synchronousity of of it all may throw you off, Jason and Jessi's engagement has relatively little to do with my current thought-processes. I'm a little jealous, yeah, but just in that general ways of "I wish I could be there," which I've had for pushing-on-ten years. I'm actually *really* happy for the two of them, and only regret that my current situation puts me so far away at such an awesome time. God willing, i'll be able to get back East for their wedding.
More pertinently, I've been influenced by this most-recent rejection (on the negative side) and a few little conversations that Meghan and I have had -- notably the one which produced This, but there have been a few times when I thought to myself, "I really wish it could be her." Rachel (for those who don't know, that's Starlight, my cousin whom I love dearly and who has known me longer than almost anyone else here) asked if there was anything beside "needing someone" that inclined me toward "this someone."
First of all, I'm much less on the "needing someone" these days than I have been in the past. I'd like to have a Someone and everything that comes with it, and some nights I just get really sad and lonely, but I'm actually doing reasonably well being On My Own. Sometimes I wish I was more On My Own (a la, no roomie), but I think the social interaction is more needed that any extra freedom might be. So, yes, I don't have the desperate, crying need that I once had: it's simmered back down to just "Tthis is what I WANT for my life."
That having been said, Meghan "lets me check all the boxes," as it's been phrased before. She's Catholic (some may not appreciate that criterion, but it's my life. :p), she is a pretty girl, she's Irish (not necessary, but nice), she specifically wants to be a mother (unfortunately a rare attribute, depending on one's circles), she specifically wants to homeschool her kids, she likes the name 'Penelope' (I'm looking at you, Amber), we agree on a lot of different issues (mostly pertaining to raising kids, which is important, I think, when speaking of potential marriage) we get along well, we've had nice long talks and spent hours of quality time together, she likes me (another unfortunately rare attribute in my experience)... A number of those bits are rather minor and inconsequential, but they're still nice. So there's that. Oh, and she's probably seen at least as much of my Dark Moments as most people reading this, and that hasn't changed her opinion of me, so she gets points there, too.
Mmmm, answers to a few questions:
Jason, you're about 4 years older than me, ne? That's all I meant. :p
Gene, uhm, no, different sort of feedback. You get a point for creativity, though. :p ("Do you know the muffin man? Do you know the muffin man?" I'm going to be laughing about that for days.) Oh, and three.
Sarah, no, this isn't a case of "she'll do for now"; I would never allow myself (I should hope) to play that hand, mostly because I'm not thinking in terms of "for now" -- even years ago, back in highschool, I was interested in dating for the 'long haul.' As for the reading... -shrugs- I consider you a good friend, for what it's worth, so there y'go.
And just as a note, Jason's bit was particularly pertinent since he not only went through similar experiences (ha ha, I remember you posting about meeting Jessi -- didn't you use the "you remind me of my ex" line? Ha!), he also just got engaged to the girl, so there you go. Practical application. And Dawn gets kudos for practical application as well, especially for the pertinent bits about her husband.
So. There's that.
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no subject
Date: 2005-10-18 01:16 am (UTC)1. like everyone else has mentioned, don't force it or push it. chance are that if it's supposed to happen, it will. spend more time getting to know her. if hard-core feelings develop, all the better. if they don't, you never would have "led her on" (from her pov) in the first place.
2. honesty is best on all fronts, but i know you know this.
3. ... while long distance relationships are hard (really fucking hard, if you'll excuse me) .... they can and do work out. it's a matter of both people really wanting it. so if she turns out to be "the one" for you (in time) ... and you both want to be together .... then it'll work out, no matter what the distance. the key to this is that, if it does turn into so much more, you HAVE to be up on your communication and, to a lesser degree, visits. communication is not a short-fall of yours, so i'm not worried.... but it begs being said, because some people go into those things not knowing how much it really takes.
my own relationship is going on two years. we talk on the phone about 3 times a week for a few hours each time, plus sending comments and e-mails to each other inbetween. it's not hearing the other's voice each day, but it works for us. we struggle for it, we work at it, and we talk through any possible issue that come up. it is an exhausting amount of work for a normal person to handle. but i honestly believe that she and i will end up growing old together, i love her more than i could ever express and i want to be with her. as such, i do what i have to. the relationship is worth that to me.
now that i've rambled on and on in circles, i'll shush. but thank you for your address! i will for sure send you a postcard from WV. :) not that you haven't ever been there or anything... but you know. it's the thought of you that's important there. ;)
love!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-19 04:04 am (UTC)It's really not about getting a postcard from West Virginia. It's not even really about getting a postcard at all -- it's just about you. -smiles-