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jackofallgeeksSo, since I'm sitting here, trying to either get motivation to do one of the myriad things I know I have to do or find something else to occupy my time with, I thought I'd update.
Work on Saturday was hellish. The fisrt thing brought to my attention was that Gene and I were scheduled to work on Sunday, which had flopped back and forth a couple times and had, as of Friday night, been our day off. This got me mad firstly because we weren't told about the change, secondly because it was changed the day before, and only thirdly because Gene and I had since made plans to be at my cousins' birthday celebration Sunday night -- and anyone who's seen a Gigioli birthday celebration knows it's quite an experience (nothing fancy, mind you, but an experience none the less). Then, I was assailed by Miriam who, nice as I think she is, seems to have no other way to get one's attention than saying "excuse me." All the time. I actually went off on her, reminding her quite pointedly that I did, in fact, have a name. I feel a bit bad for it because I shouldn't have gotten as angry as I had, but...
Mohammed didn't come in that day until just before closing because he'd had some sort of family emergency. Which meant it was Gene, Raihan, and I all evening. We weren't really busy, but there was a steady trickle of people coming in twos and threes all day, so it was 'busy enough.' The good thing was that I was the employee in charge, which I liked, but we unfortunately didn't leave any earlier than usual.
I told Mohammed that my last day would effectively be the 31st, though, so I'm anticipating my freedom.
Which brings me to a little point I made a while back about dysphoria. I guess it was, what, about a week ago when I said I'd had a nice day with Anastasiya, but I was feeling rather down. I didn't get into it then, but I think the biggest catalyst to my dysphoria has been disappointment. I don't think I take disappointment very well and, sadly, this summer has been rather filled with it. Some things have been little, like repeatedly not getting those cards or having to cancel a trip to MxO because of work. Some things have been bigger, like not getting to see Suzannah near as much as I'd have liked (and probably not likely to) or missing a trip to visit Alyce because of other plans I'd made. There's been a long, and rather steady, line of disappointments this summer, and it gets to me sometimes. The loneliness, too, with how far away most of my friends are 9even Amber and Anastasiya are nearly 2 hours from here), and how I don't have a Someone, and how the one I'm emotionally closest to these days is far more interested in a man several hundred miles south -- which is really only fair, as I'm generally more interested in a lady several blocks east.
The point is, complain though I might, the one thing that's pulled me back from that ledge has been this schmucky little job I'm working. That sounds dangerously workaholic-y, but... Well, I like having Something to get up for in the morning. And I have this so-called 'work ethic' which, on the one hand, makes me feel bad for calling out of work and prevents me from walking out in a rage and quitting, but on the other hand makes me feel accomplished and alive just for doing my best at something. I don't know, but I've routinely felt better after getting out of work than I did before heading into it, even when work itself sucked.
I'm also a little apprehensive about my coming trip. I'm going up to Ohio to see my cousins, Rachel, Kate, and Meredith, who I love dearly. And I'm really looking forward to it, but that's kind of what scares me. I don't want to be disappointed. I know Kate and Meredith have work at King's Island and, though she's asked for a lighter load, Rachel's working at Hollywood Video. And I'm sure there are (*cough*) other people she'd like to spend time with, too. And I don't begrudge any of them for any of it; in fact, at least a part of what I'm looking forward to is some time to read The Scarlet Pimpernel and get some prep-work done on my World of Darkness game I'd like to run (which seems to be in a slump again whereby none of my players have any initiative in doing their prep-work). But I do love these girls, and I look at is as an opportunity to see three very good friends, and I'd like it to be that, to be time spent with good friends. I never feel like I ever see enough of Kate when I visit, and it's really good to get to sit and talk with Meredith -- like really sit and talk about life and stuff, cause I'm the strange sort who likes to talk about those things. And I think it'd be cool if the four of us could, I donno, go to dinner or something sometime, like I did earlier this summer with my brothers. But as I've said, I don't know what their schedules are like, nor their priorities.
And then there's my impending move to California, which involves getting apartment, getting a ticket out their, shipping all my stuff, buying furniture (notably a bed and desk), getting my bike (which I have a bet as to whether or not I'll name it), moving in, unpacking, and then getting into the swing of Graduate school...
I can be one big ball of stress when I try...
Work on Saturday was hellish. The fisrt thing brought to my attention was that Gene and I were scheduled to work on Sunday, which had flopped back and forth a couple times and had, as of Friday night, been our day off. This got me mad firstly because we weren't told about the change, secondly because it was changed the day before, and only thirdly because Gene and I had since made plans to be at my cousins' birthday celebration Sunday night -- and anyone who's seen a Gigioli birthday celebration knows it's quite an experience (nothing fancy, mind you, but an experience none the less). Then, I was assailed by Miriam who, nice as I think she is, seems to have no other way to get one's attention than saying "excuse me." All the time. I actually went off on her, reminding her quite pointedly that I did, in fact, have a name. I feel a bit bad for it because I shouldn't have gotten as angry as I had, but...
Mohammed didn't come in that day until just before closing because he'd had some sort of family emergency. Which meant it was Gene, Raihan, and I all evening. We weren't really busy, but there was a steady trickle of people coming in twos and threes all day, so it was 'busy enough.' The good thing was that I was the employee in charge, which I liked, but we unfortunately didn't leave any earlier than usual.
I told Mohammed that my last day would effectively be the 31st, though, so I'm anticipating my freedom.
Which brings me to a little point I made a while back about dysphoria. I guess it was, what, about a week ago when I said I'd had a nice day with Anastasiya, but I was feeling rather down. I didn't get into it then, but I think the biggest catalyst to my dysphoria has been disappointment. I don't think I take disappointment very well and, sadly, this summer has been rather filled with it. Some things have been little, like repeatedly not getting those cards or having to cancel a trip to MxO because of work. Some things have been bigger, like not getting to see Suzannah near as much as I'd have liked (and probably not likely to) or missing a trip to visit Alyce because of other plans I'd made. There's been a long, and rather steady, line of disappointments this summer, and it gets to me sometimes. The loneliness, too, with how far away most of my friends are 9even Amber and Anastasiya are nearly 2 hours from here), and how I don't have a Someone, and how the one I'm emotionally closest to these days is far more interested in a man several hundred miles south -- which is really only fair, as I'm generally more interested in a lady several blocks east.
The point is, complain though I might, the one thing that's pulled me back from that ledge has been this schmucky little job I'm working. That sounds dangerously workaholic-y, but... Well, I like having Something to get up for in the morning. And I have this so-called 'work ethic' which, on the one hand, makes me feel bad for calling out of work and prevents me from walking out in a rage and quitting, but on the other hand makes me feel accomplished and alive just for doing my best at something. I don't know, but I've routinely felt better after getting out of work than I did before heading into it, even when work itself sucked.
I'm also a little apprehensive about my coming trip. I'm going up to Ohio to see my cousins, Rachel, Kate, and Meredith, who I love dearly. And I'm really looking forward to it, but that's kind of what scares me. I don't want to be disappointed. I know Kate and Meredith have work at King's Island and, though she's asked for a lighter load, Rachel's working at Hollywood Video. And I'm sure there are (*cough*) other people she'd like to spend time with, too. And I don't begrudge any of them for any of it; in fact, at least a part of what I'm looking forward to is some time to read The Scarlet Pimpernel and get some prep-work done on my World of Darkness game I'd like to run (which seems to be in a slump again whereby none of my players have any initiative in doing their prep-work). But I do love these girls, and I look at is as an opportunity to see three very good friends, and I'd like it to be that, to be time spent with good friends. I never feel like I ever see enough of Kate when I visit, and it's really good to get to sit and talk with Meredith -- like really sit and talk about life and stuff, cause I'm the strange sort who likes to talk about those things. And I think it'd be cool if the four of us could, I donno, go to dinner or something sometime, like I did earlier this summer with my brothers. But as I've said, I don't know what their schedules are like, nor their priorities.
And then there's my impending move to California, which involves getting apartment, getting a ticket out their, shipping all my stuff, buying furniture (notably a bed and desk), getting my bike (which I have a bet as to whether or not I'll name it), moving in, unpacking, and then getting into the swing of Graduate school...
I can be one big ball of stress when I try...
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Date: 2005-07-25 11:09 pm (UTC)and sand fleas? SAND FLEAS! YUCK!
Date: 2005-07-27 04:43 pm (UTC)and how the one I'm emotionally closest to these days is far more interested in a man several hundred miles south
Far more intersted? I'd say no, its more of interested in slightly different ways. You're my best friend, and out of the people I know, you know me best, and understand me better than I understand myself sometimes... Haveing you move to CA... well, lets just say, I'm sure the man several hundred miles South is probably going to lament something simular to what you just did.... if that makes any sence, or helps any...