Someone Else...

[jackofallgeeks]

So, I was going over my old entries -- I do that now and again to unlock past entries, as with time things need to be guarded less and less closely -- and I found Something that really scared me.

My temper is a Thing of Legend, spoken of in hushed tones but rarely seen. At least, that's how I tend to look at it. I don't think I really get very angry that easily (though I could be wrong), and often I just sit and smolder rather than erupt. In this case, though, I was in a bad mood trying to deal with a self-inflicted breakup. I'd gone to Amanda, presumably, for support, and she bit at me, hitting a nerve, and... I don't like getting angry, I don't like losing myself in a rage, and I don't think I've ever been that mad, before or since.

At one point she and I had a pretty deep friendship. After this argument, though maybe even a bit before, our relationship started to deteriorate. We stopped talking not much further down the road, and I haven't heard from her in months, easily. I'm quite sure it was still 2003 the last time we talked.

I just emailed Amanda, saying how I felt bad about where things had fallen and I wanted to get back in touch again. Cause it's the truth.

And, as a note to all who read this -- I highly suggest you go back and read my older entries. They're almost all open (I don't think ANYTHING is locked until mid-2002, and even then it's mostly just at the Friends level), and though I've certainly grown since November of 2001, you may get a better idea of who I am by seeing where I've been. And my whole point for this thing is that people might get to know me.

-shugs- A guy can dream.

Comments

[quix.livejournal.com]

I dunno Andrew, seems to me like you're persecuting yourself. I read that post and it seems to me like you tried really hard to explain yourself calmly and rationally and she just bit your head off.

I actually admire the way you tried to handle it. Sure your emotions got away from you, but as near as I can tell she was deliberately trying to push your buttons.

All people have limits and at some point we all snap. You just hit yours. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

It's always a good thing to try to renew old friendships though, and I wish you best with yours.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't think I'm persecuting (http://webster.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=persecute) myself, but maybe I'm being too hard on myself. I almost remember what that conversation was like, I remember that she did seem to actively attack me (as you noted), but I also remember how angry I was. Like I said, I don't even like getting a little upset, and I think I was well beyond that. I don't curse lightly, I think it's generally a sign of low intelligence and poor communication skills.

Thanks for the words of encouragement, though; s'good to hear. And I kinda hope we can get things worked out, too. S'why I sent the email, after all.