On Relationships
Jul. 14th, 2004 04:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksSo, I was complimented today on my interpersonal skills. Sort of. I like being complimented.
A friend was having troubles, and I gave her some simple advise -- don't label things, because we all recognize labels and we all attack assumptions to them, but we don't all attach the same assumptions. instead of making a statement of "what it is", instead have a discussion about it. After all, relationships are between two people (sometimes more, depending on the complexity, but at the basis every human relationship, I think, comes down to the dynamics between two people), and so it only makes sense that you would come to an understanding of your relationship with the person on the other end.
Of course, she was just minutes before hand berating me about how I make things difficult by being a 'social rebel' or something, and going against the grain. *laughs* I didn't think I'd ever be accused of being a rebel. I guess advising her to cast aside ambiguous names such as 'friend' and 'lover' and what have you qualifies me.
I was having a similar discussion a few weeks back with another buddy of mine, Collin. We were sitting in his basement waiting for the other players to show up so we could start the game, and somehow got to discussing relationships -- I think I mentioned an ex-girlfriend or something. anyways, we both hit on the point that the biggest problem in all human relationships is communication, or rather the lack there of. Everyone assumes and expects, and when those assumptions and expectations prove wrong, or aren't met by the partner, that's when trouble occurs. A-ko expects that (1) is acceptable, but B-ko expects that it isn't, and somewhere along the way they're going to have a conflict. Now, if A-ko and B-ko discussed the issue rather than assuming, that doesn't mean the trouble's going to go away, or that a compromise will be easily reached. It does mean that it will be a KnownIssue, instead of SomethingThatWentWrong.
Or something like that. I'm sure I could say more, but I'm at my Uncle's and I hate dial-up...
A friend was having troubles, and I gave her some simple advise -- don't label things, because we all recognize labels and we all attack assumptions to them, but we don't all attach the same assumptions. instead of making a statement of "what it is", instead have a discussion about it. After all, relationships are between two people (sometimes more, depending on the complexity, but at the basis every human relationship, I think, comes down to the dynamics between two people), and so it only makes sense that you would come to an understanding of your relationship with the person on the other end.
Of course, she was just minutes before hand berating me about how I make things difficult by being a 'social rebel' or something, and going against the grain. *laughs* I didn't think I'd ever be accused of being a rebel. I guess advising her to cast aside ambiguous names such as 'friend' and 'lover' and what have you qualifies me.
I was having a similar discussion a few weeks back with another buddy of mine, Collin. We were sitting in his basement waiting for the other players to show up so we could start the game, and somehow got to discussing relationships -- I think I mentioned an ex-girlfriend or something. anyways, we both hit on the point that the biggest problem in all human relationships is communication, or rather the lack there of. Everyone assumes and expects, and when those assumptions and expectations prove wrong, or aren't met by the partner, that's when trouble occurs. A-ko expects that (1) is acceptable, but B-ko expects that it isn't, and somewhere along the way they're going to have a conflict. Now, if A-ko and B-ko discussed the issue rather than assuming, that doesn't mean the trouble's going to go away, or that a compromise will be easily reached. It does mean that it will be a KnownIssue, instead of SomethingThatWentWrong.
Or something like that. I'm sure I could say more, but I'm at my Uncle's and I hate dial-up...
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oh, yeah
Date: 2004-07-15 01:21 am (UTC)More importantly I agree with what else you said....the greatest difficulty we have as humans is communication......it is at best only adequate. It is one of our greatest and most basic challenges....of course one of it's problems is language, so beautiful, so complex, so seemingly inadequate!
I also agree so much about the labeling thing....we have a tendency to feel than call it something....oh, well, here we are back at that human thing, we just aren't a static species.
And that is the third part, we forget we are a species an animal with traits and inate tendencies, sums of a collective consiousness, no matter how hard we rebel. LOL Guess that is circle enough for one comment....carry on, cool dude! :) Jeff
Who, me?
Date: 2004-07-15 01:57 pm (UTC)Of course, I am dissatisfied with society, but that's more because it doesn't rise to the standards I think it should have...
Re: Who, me?
Date: 2004-07-15 04:28 pm (UTC)Re: Who, me?
Date: 2004-07-17 02:21 pm (UTC)You are deeply religious but with contrasting, self confusing views with same....a general qualification with rebelness. :)
I, on the other hand, have more the Marlon Brando approach. YOu know, "Whatcha Got?"
:) Jeff