Thoughts from a Resisting Mind

[jackofallgeeks]

Hard work will yield results one day. Procrastination yields results immediately.

Procrastination is like masturbation -- in the end, you're just screwing yourself.

So, right, I've finally started on the 5-page paper I need to write for Metaphysics by the end of the week. Well, physically started; I've been researching and taking notes for two week now, but I just started writing it. Though, it's on the computer, which is digital, so it's not really physical...

Yes, it seems I am procrastinating. Trying to get motivated to think, or something.

I've been thinking a lot lately. About Suzannah in great part, as I'm sure none of you are surprised to hear. Donno what to say on that topic, though. I guess, on the one hand, waiting promises at least the possibility of good things in time. On the other hand, I've come to recognize that I'm not a very patient man; I need to work on that. On the other hand, I have every intention of remaining friends with her (yes, in hopes that it may become more). On the other hand, I don't know if I can or should hold my tongue about my thoughts and feelings towards her. On yet another hand, I wish I could see her now, because I like spending time with her... I'm not sure what my prospects of spending time with her are going to be in the coming months.

I've also been thinking a lot about my friends. I talked with my roomie Mike a bit about this, and then a bit more with Anastasiya... I really feel... 'removed' from a lot of my friends these days. I haven't seen those I have most affection for (Rachel, Leslie, Louis, Meredith, Alyce...) in quite some time. I haven't really talked with anyone, verbally or otherwise, in about as long a time. I don't know, really, what any of my friends are doing in their lives (aside from Rachel getting out of classes, Alyce becoming a Ranger, and Leslie playing Tour Guide). I haven't talked to Claire in weeks-upon-weeks, it seems, and I haven't seen her in months.

In addition... I've been thinking... I donno. Sometimes, I'm not sure how much I like my friends. That sounds like a horrible thing to say, and I don't mean it exactly how it sounds, but... It's like, sometimes, it seems that the people I hang out with aren't really people I want to hang out with, you know...? It isn't really a cohesive thought yet, but... And yet, on another hand (I think I'm up to twelve after that discussion of Suzannah), doesn't it make me something of a fair-weather friend if I would just abandon someone because, I don't know, I don't like who they are/have become? Isn't it part of being a friend to help your friends improve themselves? But what if they don't want to improve?

I have seen my family; I love my family. Tina's growing into a lovely young lady, even if she is a bit scatter-brained at times. -smiles- Sometimes more than 'at times.' Josh and I chat randomly online when he's home... He's a cool guy... I really like my family, extended and otherwise...

I think I'm wrung out all the thoughts I can here.. Class in 45 minutes, I should see about working on this paper more before I go. It's going to be so rough-shod. As long as it gets me a B, though, I think I'll be happy enough...

Comments

[dikaiosunh.livejournal.com]

First, on a less serious note - if you're interested, I've posted some info about my character for the Werewolf game in my journal.

Hrm. You've been reading Aristotle on friendship, right? I can respect the virtue-improvement perspective on friendship - in fact, I largely share it. But you can't work miracles (I don't think) - even Aristotle worked with the basic assumption that real friends *want* to improve. Of course, you shouldn't toss longtime friends aside lightly - but for my 2 cents, I don't think it would necessarily make you a fair-weather if you drifted away from someone with whom you no longer shared core values.

[surichan.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, I'm not sure how much I like my friends.

Horrible as this does look at first glance, I think I understand just what you mean, and I think it's pretty normal. I myself, anyway, have felt that exact sentiment before - and no, not with regards to our mutual once-friend. Right now, with the group I see most regularly, I'm actually going through a period where I find myself not wanting to be around them, disliking who they are and what they're doing. I still care for them, of course, but right now my feelings for them don't equate to much more than annoyance and frustration. I'm sure those feelings will pass in time, but...

Anyway, that's neither here nor there. The point is, I understand what you mean, and the way you put it explains it perfectly, I think. Don't worry about sounding horrible. I think more people will understand these sentiments than you may think.