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jackofallgeeksSo last night Rose came over, citing guy problems...
Since a good deal of you probably don't know the story, I'll give you a little background.
Rose and I got to be good-enough friends through Vitae, the prayer group in Freshman year. At the end of the year when I was still looking for a roomie, she told me that her boyfriend, Trevor, needed one too. So I ended up rooming with him last year.
Now, generally, I like to imagine that I'm an easy-going guy, with a decent amount of patience, and without much of a temper. That having been said, no one has ever gotten me so angry so consistantly as he managed to do. He was just unthoughtful, inconsiderate, had no respect for women... The stupidest move you can make in my presence is to make crass sexual comments about ladies -- especially those I consider friends, and especially those I have feelings for. Yeah, I'm sure you can do the math. He's fucking lucky I didn't punch him outright, and that's all I'm going to say about that, lest I get angry about it all over again.
Needless to say, Trevor doesn't do much better in the boyfriend department, and he and Rose have been on-again/off-again for about the last two years, I guess. The biggest problem is that he's obliviously inconsiderate and about as empathic as a brick -- she has literally ben crying on his shoulder and it didn't regist that something was wrong.
So, now, the same old thing is happening -- Trevor's not paying attention to Rose, and she's afraid it's because they spend too much time together, or she's too clingy, or something else along those lines. At it really gets to her, cause she really just wants a little affection...
But this time there's another guy, and because of him, she's beginning to believe what everyone else has been telling her, I think, about how she could be doing better... This other guy pays attention to her, and smiles at her, and listens when she talks. She was telling me about all of this, and I asked her if, for all the time she and he spend together, if they ever really TALK, like honest, up-front, deep talking. And she said no, not really. I think that's the key point there. You can't really knmow a person if you never really TALK to them (I could extrapolate on that, and I think mayve I will in another post), and especially you can't work out difficulties when neither side knows what's going on with the other.
Other than that... I told her that if she's considering this new guy over Trevor, she needs to decide what it is she really wants -- of this guy wasn't here, would she still want to leave Trevor, and if Trevor wasn't here would she still be interested in this guy? I think the answer in both cases is yes, but the fact of the matter is that she has to make a decision and stand by it. I think that's another part of the problem -- Trevor is taking her for granted, and the fact that she's always come back to him when they break up only reinforces that...
So, yeah, there's that... I think, maybe, it would do them both a service if she broke up with him and that was that. Not that I would wish misfortune on either of them -- must as one may think otherwise, I really don't hold ill will for Trevor -- but at the same time, (a) she's not happy, and that isn't cool, and (2) maybe if he realized suddenly and finally that you can't just assume people, he'll take a little more interest in his relationships, in general.
-shrugs-
Since a good deal of you probably don't know the story, I'll give you a little background.
Rose and I got to be good-enough friends through Vitae, the prayer group in Freshman year. At the end of the year when I was still looking for a roomie, she told me that her boyfriend, Trevor, needed one too. So I ended up rooming with him last year.
Now, generally, I like to imagine that I'm an easy-going guy, with a decent amount of patience, and without much of a temper. That having been said, no one has ever gotten me so angry so consistantly as he managed to do. He was just unthoughtful, inconsiderate, had no respect for women... The stupidest move you can make in my presence is to make crass sexual comments about ladies -- especially those I consider friends, and especially those I have feelings for. Yeah, I'm sure you can do the math. He's fucking lucky I didn't punch him outright, and that's all I'm going to say about that, lest I get angry about it all over again.
Needless to say, Trevor doesn't do much better in the boyfriend department, and he and Rose have been on-again/off-again for about the last two years, I guess. The biggest problem is that he's obliviously inconsiderate and about as empathic as a brick -- she has literally ben crying on his shoulder and it didn't regist that something was wrong.
So, now, the same old thing is happening -- Trevor's not paying attention to Rose, and she's afraid it's because they spend too much time together, or she's too clingy, or something else along those lines. At it really gets to her, cause she really just wants a little affection...
But this time there's another guy, and because of him, she's beginning to believe what everyone else has been telling her, I think, about how she could be doing better... This other guy pays attention to her, and smiles at her, and listens when she talks. She was telling me about all of this, and I asked her if, for all the time she and he spend together, if they ever really TALK, like honest, up-front, deep talking. And she said no, not really. I think that's the key point there. You can't really knmow a person if you never really TALK to them (I could extrapolate on that, and I think mayve I will in another post), and especially you can't work out difficulties when neither side knows what's going on with the other.
Other than that... I told her that if she's considering this new guy over Trevor, she needs to decide what it is she really wants -- of this guy wasn't here, would she still want to leave Trevor, and if Trevor wasn't here would she still be interested in this guy? I think the answer in both cases is yes, but the fact of the matter is that she has to make a decision and stand by it. I think that's another part of the problem -- Trevor is taking her for granted, and the fact that she's always come back to him when they break up only reinforces that...
So, yeah, there's that... I think, maybe, it would do them both a service if she broke up with him and that was that. Not that I would wish misfortune on either of them -- must as one may think otherwise, I really don't hold ill will for Trevor -- but at the same time, (a) she's not happy, and that isn't cool, and (2) maybe if he realized suddenly and finally that you can't just assume people, he'll take a little more interest in his relationships, in general.
-shrugs-
