Winter Dreaming
Aug. 4th, 2003 07:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksOnce again, I sit in front of LiveJournal and I'm not in the frame of mind to write any of the myriad things I was thinking about in the last two hours, let alone the last two weeks or so.
I'll try, anyways.
Sometimes I feel so inconsistent with this Journal. Both inconsistent between the Journal and RealLife, but even sometimes just within the Journal itself. Like, I'll jump from being cool, calm, and collected to being scared and tormented. But maybe it's just me. I mean, life would be pretty boring if it were all easily predictable, to be sure, and one has a far closer look at his own life than anyone else's; we all see everything about ourselves in far more detail than anyone else will ever look.
Last night, my brother said he's read somewhere that every dialogue has six people: Who you think you are, who they think you are, who you really are, who you think they are, who they think they are, and who they really are. It was quite an interesting thought, and I think it holds pretty steadily. Being the geeks that we are, the three of of figured out the formula for conversation, which came out to be n*(n+1). So a conversation of three has twelve people, and a conversation of five has thirty.
It breaks down, though, if you have a monologue. I think there's an infinite number of people in that situation...
I'm not sad, or depressed, or even really down. I am a bit lonely. I miss Claire. And not just romantically; I know I've said it before, but I miss her just because she's been gone almost all summer, and I'd really just like to talk to her. Her birthday is the 16th, a few days after I'm supposed to go up to Ohio...
It's been about 11 months, now...
*smiles* I was thinking t'day, on my way into work, that -- well, you know in Independence Day, that cool guy who was the mathematician in Jurassic Park, who'd been divorced for three years and still wore his wedding band...? Yeah, that'd be me; so damn sentimental. Can't let go of the past. All-a that. -nods-
I mentioned before, I think, that Elizabeth had pointed something out to me a bit ago... Actually, it's been pointed out to me a number of times, and I know it's true, but it seems that it's so much easier to simply deny... But she pointed out that there are girls who are interested in me out there, somewhere. And yes, to an extent, that's a comforting thought. But at the same time, if this is so, why are we not together? Two possibilities: (A) There has been some gross miscommunication. This I have not fully discounted in some cases. Or (2), I'm not interested. And that's really kind of a hard pill for me to swallow. I mean, yeah, it's obvious that I'm not going to have affections for every girl that passes by, but to consider the role that I myself play in this whole thing... -shrugs- And I don't like...
There was a girl I liked in grade school, Jean. And truth be told, she wasn't interested much at all. But there I was, a guy with a crush... And I suppose what I don't like thinking of is that to someone, somewhere, I'm on the other end of the stage, y'know? -shrugs- Not that Jean was a villain, but I don't like feeling like The Bad Guy. Or something.
-smiles- Well, I've put off work for long enough, now, and I made a post. *cheer* I'm really never as bad off as I sound.
Until next time...
Oh yeah, and because of the Wedding this past Friday, I got a Haircut on Thursday. I'm kinda odd about my hair, I suppose; I like to keep it short. I feel more 'me' after I get it cut, if that makes any sense to anyone else. I'm sure I won't need another one before I go see my Cousins in Ohio. There's no real point to this.
I don't like feeling forgotten.
I'll try, anyways.
Sometimes I feel so inconsistent with this Journal. Both inconsistent between the Journal and RealLife, but even sometimes just within the Journal itself. Like, I'll jump from being cool, calm, and collected to being scared and tormented. But maybe it's just me. I mean, life would be pretty boring if it were all easily predictable, to be sure, and one has a far closer look at his own life than anyone else's; we all see everything about ourselves in far more detail than anyone else will ever look.
Last night, my brother said he's read somewhere that every dialogue has six people: Who you think you are, who they think you are, who you really are, who you think they are, who they think they are, and who they really are. It was quite an interesting thought, and I think it holds pretty steadily. Being the geeks that we are, the three of of figured out the formula for conversation, which came out to be n*(n+1). So a conversation of three has twelve people, and a conversation of five has thirty.
It breaks down, though, if you have a monologue. I think there's an infinite number of people in that situation...
I'm not sad, or depressed, or even really down. I am a bit lonely. I miss Claire. And not just romantically; I know I've said it before, but I miss her just because she's been gone almost all summer, and I'd really just like to talk to her. Her birthday is the 16th, a few days after I'm supposed to go up to Ohio...
It's been about 11 months, now...
*smiles* I was thinking t'day, on my way into work, that -- well, you know in Independence Day, that cool guy who was the mathematician in Jurassic Park, who'd been divorced for three years and still wore his wedding band...? Yeah, that'd be me; so damn sentimental. Can't let go of the past. All-a that. -nods-
I mentioned before, I think, that Elizabeth had pointed something out to me a bit ago... Actually, it's been pointed out to me a number of times, and I know it's true, but it seems that it's so much easier to simply deny... But she pointed out that there are girls who are interested in me out there, somewhere. And yes, to an extent, that's a comforting thought. But at the same time, if this is so, why are we not together? Two possibilities: (A) There has been some gross miscommunication. This I have not fully discounted in some cases. Or (2), I'm not interested. And that's really kind of a hard pill for me to swallow. I mean, yeah, it's obvious that I'm not going to have affections for every girl that passes by, but to consider the role that I myself play in this whole thing... -shrugs- And I don't like...
There was a girl I liked in grade school, Jean. And truth be told, she wasn't interested much at all. But there I was, a guy with a crush... And I suppose what I don't like thinking of is that to someone, somewhere, I'm on the other end of the stage, y'know? -shrugs- Not that Jean was a villain, but I don't like feeling like The Bad Guy. Or something.
-smiles- Well, I've put off work for long enough, now, and I made a post. *cheer* I'm really never as bad off as I sound.
Until next time...
Oh yeah, and because of the Wedding this past Friday, I got a Haircut on Thursday. I'm kinda odd about my hair, I suppose; I like to keep it short. I feel more 'me' after I get it cut, if that makes any sense to anyone else. I'm sure I won't need another one before I go see my Cousins in Ohio. There's no real point to this.
I don't like feeling forgotten.
