![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Ok, so I know this is really stupid, but... My birthday is in two weeks (about 13 days, depending on how you count), and it occurred to me that I hadn't told anyone what I'd like for my birthday. (It later occurred to me that no one had asked.) So I wrote up a quick email to my mom, sister, and grandma (the three who, for whatever reason, I thought might care the most) with a little run-down of the sorts of books, movies, CDs, etc that I'd be interested in. Mostly, I just wanted to point them to the local game shop (so that, if they were so inclined, they could purchase from there and support the independently owned shop) and curtail last-minute queries of what I'd like (as happens most years).
This afternoon I got a little email beck from my grandpa asking for the prices of these things, as they have a lot of grandkids and a fixed income and budgeting and stuff. And that's perfectly understandable. (Though, out of curiosity, what's the difference between a salary and a 'fixed income' -- it seems to me that my income's fairly fixed, too.) But, I don't know, something about how he phrased it, or something just struck me and really upset me.
At first, I was a little angry. "I tell you year after year that everything I want can be found online; follow a few links and find the prices yourself." But really, in a way I can't explain, I was hurt. I don't like making up wish lists, let alone giving them to people, because it's just so... presumptuous. I can provide well enough for myself, I don't need anyone to get me anything. I really don't need anything -- not just because I get by on my own well enough, but because things don't mean much to me. I don't need things. I don't particularly want things. What do I want for my birthday? I want to be acknowledged. I want to hear that I'm cared about, that I'm missed or admired or just an all-around-OK guy.
I want someone to care without me asking them to.
This afternoon I got a little email beck from my grandpa asking for the prices of these things, as they have a lot of grandkids and a fixed income and budgeting and stuff. And that's perfectly understandable. (Though, out of curiosity, what's the difference between a salary and a 'fixed income' -- it seems to me that my income's fairly fixed, too.) But, I don't know, something about how he phrased it, or something just struck me and really upset me.
At first, I was a little angry. "I tell you year after year that everything I want can be found online; follow a few links and find the prices yourself." But really, in a way I can't explain, I was hurt. I don't like making up wish lists, let alone giving them to people, because it's just so... presumptuous. I can provide well enough for myself, I don't need anyone to get me anything. I really don't need anything -- not just because I get by on my own well enough, but because things don't mean much to me. I don't need things. I don't particularly want things. What do I want for my birthday? I want to be acknowledged. I want to hear that I'm cared about, that I'm missed or admired or just an all-around-OK guy.
I want someone to care without me asking them to.
