(no subject)

Yesterday was a rough day. I never knew Amanda, but her sudden death has affected me deeply. I've always been sensitive -- sometimes overly so -- and my mom says that it's different when someone you know is affected; I may not have known Amanda, but she was good friends with Leslie, a good friend of mine, and I know she's hurting. It's not a stretch to figure my reaction is in sympathy, or empathy, with her.

I had a difficult time getting through the work day after I heard the news. I didn't want to deal with people, and I just wanted to go home. I almost decided to go Home, not to my uncle's but all the way down to my parents' house. I thought I might go to Anastasiya for comfort, but I called Suzannah's house instead. I didn't expect Suzannah to be up, nor to answer the phone, but I am friends with her sister Maizie, too, and so I asked for her. I asked her if I might stop by for a visit, as I was "in something of a spot." I just wanted to get my mind of things and see a friendly face -- I fall easily, but I'm easily comforted, as well.

It turned outy that Suzannah was up, and though I was headed to their house anyways, Maizie put her on -- Suzannah was about to take her brothers to the pool and watch them swim a bit. She apologized for missing all of my calls, and that she'd been sleeping a lot due to her injury. She hurt herself pretty badly, it seems -- she was cantering a horse which she then lost control of and, as her feet tangled in the stirrups on the way down, hit her right shoulder pretty hard. She apparently broke the ball of her shoulder in several places, and would be over a year in recovery from it. It doesn't look bad, it's just in a sling and she won't have much use of her arm for sometime even after it's out of that, but I'm sure it's painful, and she's taking a lot of pain-killers for it.

Suzannah's mother, who was going out with Suzannah and the boys, invited me to stay for dinner, an invitation I wasn't going to refuse. Having thus accepted, they put me to work peeling potatoes (to be later mashed), while Maizie stewed the sausages in wine and sourkraut. She and I talked about nothing in paricular -- philosophy and psychology and literature -- which was fine by me. Bad news had brought me in, but I waqsn't inclined to breing it up, particularly as I think I just needed to get my mind off it. Later on, before Suzannah returned, her father came home. He's a very disarming man; most ladies' fathers frighten my simply by virtue of being a lady's father, but he doesn't. We talked a bit about CUA (where he got his Nursing degree), and other such stuff. The whole evening was filled with talking and laughing and well-being, which was good. We had tea and strawberries, and Maizie had some cookies she'd baked set out. At about 8:00 I was ushered to the door, as Suzannah was getting tired and her parents would need to leave soon to pick up their son from a driving class of sorts.

It was really nice to see Suzannah. She's a beautiful girl, and even aside from that I'm very fond of her. This is news to no one except the couple new readers I've collected in the last week, and likely not even to them. I have intentions of my own, of which she's aware I'm sure, particularly because I've about said as much. I don't think my affections are a secret from the family at large. I hope they aren't unwelcomed.

But I'm rambling now... I think I'll go either read or write. Maybe some of each.

(no subject)

I don't like stress.

I don't like how one minute they can be cracking down on me to get my projects done, and the next they're brushing me off when I hit a blocking point. If you're going to get on my case for sitting and doing nothing, don't force me to do so.

Other things are bothering me too, but not stuff I'm going to get into right here and now. All things are transitory, sure, but sometimes that's really not a comforting thought.

At least when School starts up again I'll be able to sit and relax some, and maybe get rid of some of this stress.

Vector: quix

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Biodegradable, too.

To quote dikaiosunh: "I say that we should all do a public service to our stalkers and cut the five broadest and least informative interests we have listed. C'mon, no one's life is defined by music-in-general! Let us know about your collection of Manhattan Transfer bootlegs!"

Not a real insightful meme, perhapse, and certainly not as interesting as that "Which Cold-cut Sandwich Should You Be" one, but I think it's a far more practical idea. Or something.

As a slight modification, though, I'm going to drop 5 general Interests and replace them with 5 more-specific Interests -- ie, drop 'music' for 'Manhattan Transfer bootlegs', or something.

On Relationships

So, I was complimented today on my interpersonal skills. Sort of. I like being complimented.

A friend was having troubles, and I gave her some simple advise -- don't label things, because we all recognize labels and we all attack assumptions to them, but we don't all attach the same assumptions. instead of making a statement of "what it is", instead have a discussion about it. After all, relationships are between two people (sometimes more, depending on the complexity, but at the basis every human relationship, I think, comes down to the dynamics between two people), and so it only makes sense that you would come to an understanding of your relationship with the person on the other end.

Of course, she was just minutes before hand berating me about how I make things difficult by being a 'social rebel' or something, and going against the grain. *laughs* I didn't think I'd ever be accused of being a rebel. I guess advising her to cast aside ambiguous names such as 'friend' and 'lover' and what have you qualifies me.

I was having a similar discussion a few weeks back with another buddy of mine, Collin. We were sitting in his basement waiting for the other players to show up so we could start the game, and somehow got to discussing relationships -- I think I mentioned an ex-girlfriend or something. anyways, we both hit on the point that the biggest problem in all human relationships is communication, or rather the lack there of. Everyone assumes and expects, and when those assumptions and expectations prove wrong, or aren't met by the partner, that's when trouble occurs. A-ko expects that (1) is acceptable, but B-ko expects that it isn't, and somewhere along the way they're going to have a conflict. Now, if A-ko and B-ko discussed the issue rather than assuming, that doesn't mean the trouble's going to go away, or that a compromise will be easily reached. It does mean that it will be a KnownIssue, instead of SomethingThatWentWrong.

Or something like that. I'm sure I could say more, but I'm at my Uncle's and I hate dial-up...