(no subject)

Well, I've been away again... Busy with suff, I suppose. Been keeping up, generally, with everyone else around here, though a bit of that falls to skimming entries, I'm afraid.

Been spending a bit of time with my family, still trying to find that happy medium between spending too much time and not spending enough. I'll find it yet.

Also been getting myself engrossed in this Mage game I'm trying to set up. I'm a bit afraid I'm in over my head -- I have a Player Group of eight people, and this is my first time trying to run a game. Something tells me that a few of them may write themselves out of the game one way or another, but... I generally like all the characters. One thing I'm kinda afraid of is how well the players are going to play. I really have no worries about half the group, but the other half concerns me a bit... We'll see how it goes. Either way, I'm excited about playing.

Last week of Classes. I have a project that I need to write up before Friday, and another one that has to be altered ever so slightly by the same date. And that's it, really. Exams start next week -- Two on Wednesday, 1 on Thursday, 2 on Friday, 1 on Saturday. I need to be out of the Dorm before Sunday evening, and I may be working starting that monday! I think I want to get off this ride, now...

Tuesday I'm going out to rent a Tux for the Highschool Prom I'm going to on the 16th. A friend asked if I'd go with her if she couldn't get a date and, well, she couldn't get a date.  ^_^;;

Right, I'm sure there's things to be done...

On a Lower Note...

I don't want to have to beg for affection. I don't want my every motion to be questioned. I don't want people to wonder what I mean when I give a friend a hug, or tell a girl she's pretty. Even when it does mean something, why does it have to mean something?

I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to expect that those I consider friends aren't going to provide the support I need. I don't want to think they they'll respond to my needs with a sarcastic 'oh, poor baby.' I don't want them to try and impose who they think I am over who I'm trying to show.

I don't want them to think I'm upset with them for any reason. I do feel alone. I miss my friends. And what right do I have to say that for? I hide myself well enough. For someone who's always around, I'm never here. I wish I could spend time with them. I get tired of this digital existance. The only ones who mean anything to me I see through a computer monitor. I want to see them and touch them, and really talk with them. Not just speak at eachother, but rerally DISCUSS things, and connect on that personal level that makes you feel like there's really something there.

I want to know where my own biases end and the reality of the situation begins.

As long as she's in my arms, does it matter who she is? I want it to.