Miracles DO happen...

I think, slowly, I'm accomplishing one of two things:

A) Developing a Backbone

or

2) Getting over Katie Lapp


My money's on the latter, but mostly because, as unlikely as it may be, it's a hell of alot more plausible than the former - that is, I don't believe I'll ever develop a backbone.

A little background for those of you who, uh, don't know the, um, background....

A long, long time ago, I lived here in Maryland. I was in 4th and 5th grade here, and gnerally, I didn't like it. I had a few good friends, one of whom - Louis - I'm still good friends with. other than that, I do believe I was beyong 'not liked'. One Dipweed, who I only remember as 'Jason' was a real pain, though the only proof I have of such an accusation is that I remember him that way - for all I know, he may well have been a decent guy. I'm not known for my memory, after all.

Anyways, I left there in 5th grade, Iguess I was getting along better with people then, but I'll never really know. I think I was generally happy to leave. In anycase, I was certain i'd never see any of these people again, and there's a sort of freedom in that.

Fastforward nearly a decade. I'm now 18 instead of 9, and I'm going off to College here in DC. I was told that some people I went to highschool with were supposed to come here, but I hadn't recognized anyone (nor have I thus far). So, confident in my anonymity (or whatever that word is) I had a pretty good time at orientation. I was having a great conversation with this one girl (who I haven't seen since) as a party came to a close, when somewhere up and to my right I hear 'Andrew Portner!?' Now then, this wouldn't have been oddly out of place except that I was not wearing my name tag (I hate those things). So me, being the clever word-player I am (rolls eyes) respond with a witty 'Is somebody recognizing me?'

And there, in front of me, is (I must confess) a beautiful girl. To save embarrassment (either for you or for me, I'm not sure) I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say she was (and still is, I dare say) REALLY nice looking. ^_^ Of course, she introduces herself as Katie Lapp, and I suddenly recognize her. I almost can't understand how I didn't. So we talk some there, and then a bit later at a retreat, when she told me I 'wasn't annoying' (I dare say I was kinda fishing for that one, but I was being honest, and I don't know that it really means anything anyways. I don't dwell on it, neither should you).

Now, here's a few funny things. First of all, I remember Katie as being one of the "popular girls" (many pretty girls are, y'know) and yet here she is not only TALKING to me, but saying that the St. Jude's people were less than nice to her, as well. Along with that, my friend Louis spoke WELL of Katie. Louis, who remained in St. Judes beyond my exodus, NEVER speaks WELL of ANYONE from St. Judes. So that right there was a double-whammy. Tack on the fact that she LIVES but two FLOORS below me, and it's just plain eerie.

Getting back to the topic, here's the justification for my original comment. Tonight, on a whim, I went through with something I've been contemplating for a while now and sent Katie a letter. Granted it wasn't all that articulate:


Hey Katie,

I was just thinking, I don't really know you, and I don't think you really know me, and I thought it might be an idea to change that. In anycase, I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving, and I guess I'll see ya around.

-Andrew


But what do you expect from me? Shakespear? I told you, I must be getting over her, not developing a backbone.

What's that? What happened to the two girls, Emily and Claire, I was talking about only a post ago? Welcome to my world. You see, the list of girls that I like could probably go for miles, and at least spans all the girls I know. What with Katie, and Katrina, and Jean, and Emily, and...well, I dare say a complete list, besides being too long, is also too incriminating to post here just yet. But I digress - the point is that Emily and Claire are the top two, and really, the only girls you might say I'm "pursuing". Besides, I'm sure Katie has a decent (at least) boyfriend, as pretty as she is. I just kinda wanna be friends. Sappy, mayhaps, but true.

And so, there is my update for now. Chew on that.

PS. Happy Thanksgiving, figments of my imagination! ^_^

Music Soothes The Savage Beast

I'm happy.

I don't have anything in particular to be happy about, except that I really like this song.

I haven't had an eventful day, towards either extream.

This is just a good song.

I likie.

Paradox And Contradiction

Have you ever wanted to say everything and nothing all at the same time? I can't explain it, but I think that's how I feel right now.

You see, for some time now I've wanted to write a letter to Emily. I just feel like I want to tell her everything, and ask her a multitude of questions - just everything. I don't feel like I know her nearly as well as I'd like to, and, I donno, my thoughts just trail on from there.

The conflict comes in that I'm still deathly afraid of telling her this. I mean, that's really the reason I haven't told her any of it thus far. I mean, to boil it down into simple terms, if I asked her if she liked me (and you KNOW what I mean when I say 'like') and she said 'no' - I don't know what I'd do. Probably crawl into my bed, turn off all the lights, listen to dark music, and not eat for a week.

I DEFINATELY don't want to tell her that, cause then she'll feel sorry for me. That's not what I want. I want an honest answer, but I'm also afraid of one. I'm just one large mass of contradictions.

...
...
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Uhm, somewhere I lost my train of thought...don't worry, this is typical...

Maybe I'll find it later....