Paradox And Contradiction
Nov. 23rd, 2001 11:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksHave you ever wanted to say everything and nothing all at the same time? I can't explain it, but I think that's how I feel right now.
You see, for some time now I've wanted to write a letter to Emily. I just feel like I want to tell her everything, and ask her a multitude of questions - just everything. I don't feel like I know her nearly as well as I'd like to, and, I donno, my thoughts just trail on from there.
The conflict comes in that I'm still deathly afraid of telling her this. I mean, that's really the reason I haven't told her any of it thus far. I mean, to boil it down into simple terms, if I asked her if she liked me (and you KNOW what I mean when I say 'like') and she said 'no' - I don't know what I'd do. Probably crawl into my bed, turn off all the lights, listen to dark music, and not eat for a week.
I DEFINATELY don't want to tell her that, cause then she'll feel sorry for me. That's not what I want. I want an honest answer, but I'm also afraid of one. I'm just one large mass of contradictions.
...
...
...
Uhm, somewhere I lost my train of thought...don't worry, this is typical...
Maybe I'll find it later....
You see, for some time now I've wanted to write a letter to Emily. I just feel like I want to tell her everything, and ask her a multitude of questions - just everything. I don't feel like I know her nearly as well as I'd like to, and, I donno, my thoughts just trail on from there.
The conflict comes in that I'm still deathly afraid of telling her this. I mean, that's really the reason I haven't told her any of it thus far. I mean, to boil it down into simple terms, if I asked her if she liked me (and you KNOW what I mean when I say 'like') and she said 'no' - I don't know what I'd do. Probably crawl into my bed, turn off all the lights, listen to dark music, and not eat for a week.
I DEFINATELY don't want to tell her that, cause then she'll feel sorry for me. That's not what I want. I want an honest answer, but I'm also afraid of one. I'm just one large mass of contradictions.
...
...
...
Uhm, somewhere I lost my train of thought...don't worry, this is typical...
Maybe I'll find it later....
